Wenatchee, WA

My room smells like french fries…

So if you’re generally an unhelpful, snotty yet slow witted person…best not to work at a hotel. What with all the annoying people asking you dumb questions like,”Where’s the work out room?” and “Is there a good place to eat?” Sorry to tear you away from Yahoo Games, Princess, but I just need a straight fucking answer sans the ‘tude’.

Anyway, I had my first gym experience last night. Yep. I went to a gym for the first time…ever. I found where one was on the internet. I drove to it. I gave them $10 and I went and used their equipment. This sounds fairly simple if you havent spent the past decade or so chain smoking and making fun of people that went to gyms.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that seeing someone more out of shape than myself makes me feel better. Actually, the first thing I did was scan for that person. That person that seems to feel a little more uncomfortable than me. That person was there. Actually several of those people were there. Actually all of us there were in that boat. Yeah, we were all just gasping and sweating and judging each other harshly.

Then suddenly it all went sour. Yes, suddenly – out of now where, manifesting herself as if she were straight out of my worst fear, she sauntered to the cardio area. That chick that not only generally looks great – she looks great when she sweats.

As she started the stair master/cross country/tread mill thingy…I realized that this is the same woman that ruins karaoke. It’s all fun. Everyone sucking and sadly murdering their favorite songs, then SHE shows up and does an a capella version of a Whitney Houston song and then the entire bar realizes that they suck. There is a collective moment where we all know that we should never waste another moment singing under the guise of fun…The fun is gone. Because of her…show off.

So anyway, I was working out at a gym. I fell off the tread mill…twice.

Now most people are afraid of having people laugh at them…But when you’re a comedian…

I’m in Washington State…damn it.

2 Comments Wenatchee, WA

  1. Kato

    Ha! Well, as far as first gym experiences go, that sounds pretty typical.

    In case you were wondering, guys probably feel the same way. We’re in the weight room feeling good about bench-pressing 110 pounds until the guy after us slaps on another 150 and does it one-handed while flirting with the girl working the desk. By the time we leave he’s practically impregnated her and we’ve got nothing to show for the outing except an urgent desire to down a handful of Advil.

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