W and the W-word

Legal Threats Stalk Adult Sites

02:00 AM Jun. 15, 2004 PT
The landmark federal prosecution of an infamous porn producer is putting the fear of John Ashcroft into the owners of countless adult websites, even those whose content is far milder than the material under attack.

Experts told an audience of porn webmasters last weekend that they indeed have reason to worry. A variety of X-rated photos and videos could become illegal nationwide if the Bush administration scores an important victory in its war on obscenity. But the online adult industry is divided over exactly what to do about the threat from Attorney General Ashcroft and his crew.

First off: Ashcroft had a War on Obscenity?!? How many wars do you get in one administration? How many wars do you get to declare without the congressional approval before someone puts their foot down and says,”Bad administration, no more wars for you! You’re just going to have to discuss policy like NORMAL people instead of trying to raise funds and dander with W and the W-word.”

Anyway, regardless of what you think about pornography, and specifically porn sites, they were here first. It’s true. Before the Jesus freaks learned html. Before mommy bloggers had digital photos. Before companies had flash sites to debut a new product. Before you could check in at the airport from your hotel room. Before you could ‘google’ your ex to see if they have gotten fat. Before Merriam-Webster had a searchable data bank – there were a bunch of naked pictures of people ‘doing it’. In fact, ten years ago if you said you HAD a website – it DENOTED you were a PERVERT. You had to explain yourself, if in fact you DIDN’T operate a porn site. Dirty pictures MADE the World Wide Web – and well made it WIDER.

This is also true of other technologies. Photography was launched forward by the fact that men could see women they had never met naked. As soon as they’re were moving pictures, there were stag films. VCRs were enhanced by porn as was digital video.

Basically, if it wasn’t for the phenomenal desire of people to look at other people knocking boots, all of our technology would be stagnant. This desire apparently breeds innovation. And then it make the innovation more popular – more quickly. Porn is to technology what baking soda is to cake.

I am indifferent to porn as a past time. Personally, I think all mammals having sex look ridiculous. I could care less if it didn’t exist. HOWEVER I AM HAPPY IT DOES. I am GRATEFUL for what it has done for the invention that I enjoy so much. I’m a self-proclaimed information geek. The internet is the best thing to happen to people like me since libraries went public. I remember when major newspapers were only available in print. You had to PAY for every paper that came to your house. If you wanted to read more than one – it was pricey! Now I read more than I did back then, I have less trash to throw out and more cash to spend other ways. In fact, I’ve saved so much money on my newspaper habit that I can afford cable and TiVo – sweet. More things I use to neglect my personal relationships.

And it’s all because of pornography! Al Gore may have invented the web – but naughty photos PIONEERED it.

So the next time you’re rating movies on Netflix or getting the lyrics to that song you love or getting the translation of that Yiddish word your friends use or wasting your life on an online game or downloading an MP3 from your favorite radio show or researching PRACTICALLY anything or posting your opinions about how liberals are idiots – just remember that you are able to do that partly because of smut and obscenity.

BTW: The DOJ sans Ashcroft did have a victory. Ungrateful bastards.

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