This is NOT a joke

This is an actual conversation between me and my mother today:

Me: “…Well, if you want to scare them off – tell them that the Virgin Mary appears in your toast every morning.”

Mom: “I have a crucifix of Jesus in the bathroom of the motor home.”

Me: “Why did you put it in the bathroom?”

Mom: “No, you can see Jesus in the paneling on the door.”

Me: “Jesus appears in the bathroom on the fake wood paneling of your motor home?”

Mom: “It’s not fake wood paneling – it’s a door – that’s fake wood.”

Me: “You can see Jesus on a cross?”

Mom: “No on a crucifix.”

Beat. I cleared my throat.

Me: “Will you send me a picture?”

Mom: “I do it right now.”

A couple of minutes later – this ends up in my inbox.

I called my mom back…

Me: “You know you’re crazy, right?”

Mom: (light laugh) “Does that mean you don’t see it?”

Me: “No, Mom. I don’t see it.”

Mom: “I outlined His head and where His arms are stretched out. You can’t see it?”

Me: “No.”

Mom: “Maybe I should outline it better. What program are you looking at it in? Are you using Photoshop? It’s right there.”

Me: “Yep, I still can’t see it.”

This is my favorite:

Mom: “What resolution is your screen?”

Me: “I don’t know, Mom…”

Mom: “Because that could make it easier to see–”

Me: “You know I’m going to have to make fun of you for this.”

Mom: “Oh I know that, Honey.”

Me: “Can I put the picture on the internet?”

Mom: “Sure. Put it on Ebay. Maybe somebody will buy it. Do you think someone would buy it?”

Me: “We’ll see.”

Mom: “That would be cool huh? Okay, love you Honey bye!”

So if you’re interested in buying the Jesus Door, all offers can go through me.

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