The Whisper Campaign

Did you hear that George W. fell off the wagon? The National Enquirer, written specifically for the inquiring minds of America, reports that Bush started drinking again under the stress of Hurricane Katrina.

In short, this rumor – whether it’s true or not – is suppose to hint at – whether intentionally leaked or not – that Bush isn’t a heartless, uncaring, CEO president. He’s very sensitive, caring and compassionate conservative. So caring, in fact that it drove him to drink.

All the great presidents have had their personal demons. Bill Clinton and JFK, had a thing for the ladies. Lincoln had a thing for the guys. Other greats had health issues that plagued them. George Washington gave short and concise speeches due to the pain of talking with wooden teeth. FDR, was confined to a wheel chair. I pose the question: was Reagan a great president IN SPITE of his Alzheimer’s, or was having Alzhiemer’s what made him seem great?

If Bush wants to be more FDR and less Nixon – vulnerability is the way to go.

This drinking rumor is straight out of the Hollywood play book. After Alexander, stunk up theaters – Oliver Stone got sent to rehab. I suspect that this was a way to avoid the ‘blame game’ for making such an awful waste-of-my-life film. Ah, but if old Demon Alcohol, is responsible – well, that’s understandable isn’t it? Maybe then I won’t sue him to get my $10 with interest, back. No, if he promises to never make another movie like that, I’d personally give Stone another $10, to stay in rehab even longer.

Now that the Katrina death toll has reached over 1,000, and all the other natural disasters that had a comparable death tolls in this country, all happened before the advent of the helicopter. High gas prices, the economy, a couple of wars that have never seem to be run well and sinking popularity polls. I’m thinking there is a Pat O’Brien on Dr. Phil-esque moment coming up for this administration.

Remember that new low for television when Dr. Phil made Pat O’Brien listen the the tapes of his drunk dialing?

Visualize soft light and plants in the back ground. Dr. Phil and Bush both clad in polos sitting in armchairs. This is how I imagine it:

Pat O’Brien: BUSH: To get the second chance, and I think this is a country that allows second chances. We’ve had celebrities who’ve gotten second chances … It’s my turn on this planet to get a second chance.

Dr. Phil: Do you deserve a second chance?

Pat O’Brien: BUSH: Absolutely. I’m a good person, but I’ve gone through a horrendous few weeks. I’ve been through rehabilitation and I’m doing all the right things to get myself back on track.

Dr. Phil: This all came to a head as a product of one weekend several weeks ago in New York Orleans. Tell me what happened that weekend.

Pat O’Brien: BUSH: Everybody has a bottom. And I hit my bottom that horrible weekend in New York Orleans. Do I remember most of it? No. And that’s where the bottom is. It was a weekend of fun, I thought, a weekend of drinking, which turned into a little bit of craziness.

Dr. Phil: This ended badly with you being on the cover of every tabloid and many of the newspapers in the country, so it was more than a little bit of craziness.

Pat O’Brien: BUSH: I kept doing the same thing over and over again expecting another outcome. That’s the definition of insanity … I was out of it, Phil.

Dr. Phil: When I first heard this, having known you, it comes to my mind: What the hell were you thinking?

Pat O’Brien: BUSH: And that’s what’s coming to my mind right now: What was I thinking? You don’t think I’ve asked myself that question? … I was out of control. It was a drunken Pat O’Brien: George W. making a stupid, ridiculous, shameful, self-centered horrible tape series of speeches and decisions… I’ll take responsibility for every word of that because I did it and that’s my voice, but Phil, that is not me. I was fueled up on alcohol. I’m an alcoholic; I’m an addict. I was saying things that when I hear them, I can’t believe I said them. I don’t remember saying it. It’s so hurtful I’ve already blocked it out. I mean, it’s ridiculous. But what made it OK? Four bottles of wine and two bottles of champagne. I blame myself.

*sniffle* Pass the Kleenex!

*sniffle* You’re forgiven.

You’ll get my support for social security reform now, Mr. President! Let’s fight and win the War on Porn!

6 Comments The Whisper Campaign

  1. indeteminacy

    The Hamburg Morgenpost (Mopo) had a front page blurb this morning (Sept. 23rd) about Bush hitting the bottle again. I couldn’t find an online article, though. It’s a kind of trashy daily paper along the lines of “New York Post”, but everybody reads it.

  2. Jesse

    Nice post. However, Washington never actually had wooden teeth. That’s a bit of American mythology. He did have a shit load of dentures.

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