The Hotel That Tried to Kill Me

This was the Christine of hotels. It’s a nice 10
degrees outside. Im in my room, chilling. Not relaxing
like the kids mean, Im cold. I’m afraid I’m coming down
with something because I’m shivering. Then I notice
that I can see my breath. The staff confirms the chill
in the air and I’m relieved its not the flu. I change
rooms and do my show.
After the show, I take the elevator. IT STOPS! So Im
stuck in an elevator in a hotel, that by this time I
know wants me dead, or at least cold and trapped. Im
hoping for firemen when the doors finally open. Just
waiting. Thinking to myself, “I would prefer to die by shark attack
than lack of oxygen or a cable snapping”.

Then after 10 of the longest minutes of my life – the
doors openned. No firemen, but I had time to write a
really nice obit for myself titled, “Helena Hand Casket”.

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