Ready to Road

Once I was in a particularly nasty hotel/motel room. It was ‘under-construction’ by a group of wife smacking, crack head (to be fair, it could have been meth) gypsies. The room was about 10 feet from the freeway, five from the pool and two from the ice machine. Of course the last two were out of order or ‘under construction’ so it didn’t really matter.

Anyway, I was in my room burning incense, trying to cover the smell of stale crack(to be fair, it could have been meth) and going through my calender. I had been on the road for about 3 weeks straight and my road rash was at an all time high. I called Southwest to buy a plane ticket for my next gig. And started chatting with the customer service rep.

Rep: “Oh, you’re a comedian. That is so neat. Do you like it? I think that is SO COOL.”

Me: “Yeah, I like it. Sometimes it wears on you.”

Rep: “You know there is this great book…it’s by Dean Koontz. Its about a woman who is this road comic and her only friend is a house plant, she takes it with her everywhere. Really cool book. Someone left it in the hallway of my building. Picked it up and read it. Such a lonely character. Almost tragic. On the road with only her house plant to keep her company.”

I purchased my ticket. Put down the phone. Sat there.

Then thought to myself,“Wow. I wish I had a house plant to keep me company.”

So…I don’t have my exact schedule yet. I know I am doing a six (maybe seven) state tour…over the course of a month…I’ll post it here when I have it.


5 Comments Ready to Road

  1. Kato

    You could totally work it into your act. “I’ve got someone really special with me tonight… I thought I’d bring him on stage.” Of course, being known as the “Plant Comic” may not be your life’s ambition.

  2. Michael Hussey

    You really should hang around more carnies. Well, maybe not. But if you did you know that meth heads run around like the Trix Rabbit. Crackheads geek around looking for that imaginary piece of crack that doesn’t exist. Also, never give someone who has already done meth alcohol. If you do then the meth head in question will instantly become the MOST ANNOYING PERSON who ever lived.

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