Oh, Woops


Revelation! 666 is not the number of the beast (it’s a devilish 616)
01 May 2005

A newly discovered fragment of the oldest surviving copy of the New Testament indicates that, as far as the Antichrist goes, theologians, scholars, heavy metal groups, and television evangelists have got the wrong number. Instead of 666, it’s actually the far less ominous 616.

The bible has in it what is called gematria. Letters have numerical value. Six hundred and sixty-six means Nero Caesar. Six-hundred and sixteen means Caligula. I think we can all agree that these two emperors were very much anti-Christian and thus appropriately assumed to be anti-Christs.

This changes everything!
616 also stands for:
-Rupert Murdoch
-Bill O’Reilly
‘liberal judges

616, is also the area code for Grand Rapids, Michigan…I think the evidence speaks for itself.

I’m also thinking that religious leaders aren’t big on historical accuracies. The way I see it, when you tell your followers that God is talking to you, and God always suspiciously talks like He’s right out of a Shakespeare play – you might not care if it was revealed that the Book of Revelations was off by a digit.

I do feel sorry for all the poor saps, that in a rebellious drunken haze, got a tattoo of the ‘number of the beast’ only to now be informed that it’s the number of a beast and not in fact the beast!

Spike: “Uh, yeah Doc, could you take this tattoo off?”

Laser Doc: “You’ve found Jesus?”

Spike: “No. I was mislead by the Gideons Bible I found in a Motel 6 after a week long bender. *sigh* Wrong beast!”

7 Comments Oh, Woops

  1. JR

    If I could only count the times the Gideons have mislead me. I would have had much more fun in my life.

  2. indeterminacy

    Can they check the rest of the fragment? Maybe there won’t be a rapture in which all the fundamentalist pseudo-Christians simultaneous vanish into heaven. Maybe it says rupture.

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