New Year Resolutions 2005

-Start a letter writing campaign that soap, shampoo and face scrub should be tax exempt. My slogan will be,”No taxation for exfoliation.”

-Quit watching reality programs. Only watch shows with staff writers. We’ll call 2005 ‘desperately seeking more Desperate Housewives.’

-Get over my crush on Congressman David Drier. Yeah, he’s smart, funny and single. But he also has a couple of joint bank accounts with his Chief of Staff who’s a dude.

-Start lying about my height, age, weight and race. It’s not easy being a 5’2, 42-year-old, 75 pound Uruguanian.

-Stop telling girls at auditions that I lost weight because I have a tape worm.

-In 2005 I resolve to call my dog his name. No more calling him, ‘stinky bastard’, ‘dipstick’
‘mutt face’ or ‘lying rat’. I will call him by the name on his file at the vet’s office – Dubya.

Happy New Year!

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