Martha, Oh Martha

Dear Martha Stewart,

You went to jail for a half million dollar crime. I know that you probably have understated yet elegant PENCIL SHARPENER worth more. But no went to jail. There has been a rash of white collar crime with a disproportionate amount of jail time. But no – YOU went to jail.

You voluntarily started your 5-month sentence early to, “Get this whole nightmare behind you.” Martha, if I was you, I would have thrown a tantrum . I would have held press conferences to denounce how unfairly powerful women are treated by the courts. I would have gotten petitions signed. I would have lobbied congress. And finally, if I didn’t muster enough public outrage for my predicament – I would have fled to Paraguay. I haven’t done all the research yet but I know that some countries don’t have extradition laws. You didn’t even considered that did you?

Simply put, Ms. Stewart – you are making all of us whining, sniveling complainers look bad. How dare you even do JAIL tastefully?!? You get released, sip your first latte and your stock doubles and you get a new TV show. You have made a fortune making us look like an unthoughtful slobs and now you’’re going to raise your quaint decorative bar even higher?

Martha what is wrong with you? Don’t you know the American public was captivated – hoping to watch your fall from grace? You won’t even give us that satisfaction will you? No you have to go on and keep your dignity and make the rest of us feel like JERKS for hating you in the first place.

Even when you lose in court, you STILL win at ‘living’.

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