Terri Shiavo has been in a vegetative state longer than I’ve been in puberty. Let’s put it this way, she never saw The Simpsons aside from The Tracy Ullman Show. At the time of her heart attack OJ was beloved by America and Bob Hope still had his annual specials on NBC. Congress held a special session to re-insert the feeding tube that is keeping her alive. President Bush leaped from his Crawford Ranch to come to her aide (insert Batman music here). Of course this isn’t the first time that Bush has been for a prolonged vegetative state – remember he DID inhale.

Dear readers, I have a theory: This is a vast conspiracy between Nolo Press, the self-help law publisher (site) and probate lawyers. If anyone stands to benefit from this hoopla – it’s them.

Hoopla? How many times do you get to use that word? The press likes to use the phrase ‘media circus’ as if they aren’t the guy that follows around Bessie the elephant with a shovel.

My point is: yet again this country has been split into two factions. There are those praying and hoping that Terri stays alive long enough to go through menopause because they are caring and compassionate people. And those that have told their loved ones to unplug them at the first sign of drool. Probate lawyers are getting frantic phone calls for their services.

“Look, I’ll pay you whatever you ask, just don’t let me end up in Florida as a national wedge issue.”