Independence Day

That kind of looks like a giant hoop skirt. Maybe I’ve had too many mad cow hamburgers…

Happy Birthday America.

Wow, you made it to 229! Let me just tell you that you don’t look a day over 220. I mean that. You could easily pass for a much younger country. I’m impressed. You must take good care of yourself. What? Well, yeah, you’ve put on a little weight, but that happens. You look healthy. You do. No, I’m not just saying that. You’re fine. Oh, don’t get mad at me. You look good. I swear it. You do. I thought you were only 220! You’re amazing – now knock it off. Really, stop it. No, everyone doesn’t hate you…Where would you get an idea like that? They’re just jealous. They are. Now you go out and have a good time today – it’s your birthday. You deserve it. Have a couple of beers and a burger or something. Okay, you can make it light beer…

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