Earth to Gulf Coast…

As some of you will recall, Earth quit the Green Party and joined the GOP shortly after the 2000 election. She has been a staunch Bush supporter ever since.

If you don’t live in America and you are wondering to yourself,”Why on earth is Earth a member of the US Republican Party?” I say it’s because American politics are just that weird.

earth Stop blaming Bush.

tina Why?

earth Uh…why? It’s not time to play the blame game.

tina Okay, tell me why not.

earth It’s time to focus on the recovery effort.

tina And those that have no usable skills in that area, like Mike Brown for example – to focus on the recovery efforts – why shouldn’t we figure out what went wrong?

earth The president is taking charge. No blame game.

tina Okay, how about another game? Lets play the role playing game. Lets pretend I am the leader of the free world.

earth Okay.

tina Say, I’ve been in office for 5 years. My political party has a majority in BOTH the House and the Senate. We’ve been telling people that if we were in charge – America would be better. Now we are. So far there have been no weapons of mass destruction and no exit strategy in a preemptive war in Iraq. I am the Commander in Chief of the entire military. I tell everyone that the Abu Ghraib and Gitmo atrocities while – wide spread – have been the fault of rogue individuals. Soaring poverty and outsourcing on the home front. Tax cuts for rich people and the oil companies. I cut funding for needed infrastructure projects. I give billion dollar no-bid contracts for my friends. I side step the Bill of Rights to make us all ‘safer’. Actually, that’s all I really talk about is making America safer. That’s the thing that got me elected. Make America safer – by any means necessary. And if you ask me about it – I’ve NEVER made a mistake. Ever.

earth Okay….

tina Then a natural disaster hits with a 48 hour warning. It takes another three to four days for a national response. I’m on vacation and show concern for Trent Lott’s house. A man that got FIRED as a horse inspector is in charge because he is my friend too. He’s literally letting people die in the aftermath as I tell him what a great job he’s doing. Would you blame any of that on me?

earth Well, are you a Republican?

tina Yes.

earth Then it’s not your fault.

7 Comments Earth to Gulf Coast…

  1. Cynikell

    Maybe moving to the Astrodome would go “very well” for Trent Lott, too.

    I have to believe that the Earth isn’t too far gone and can still be redeemed… I have to….

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