Don’t Be Happy!

A true compromise is when neither party is happy.

The Right-Wing Agenda:

Brain dead patients and the terminally ill will be kept alive as long as science can manage it.

Children will be taught that God created the world in seven days, regardless of what SCIENCE theorizes.

Abortion should be against the law – if you break the law you should be put to death.

Abortion should be against the law – as should gays adopting unwanted children.

A holy monument with the engraving, Thou shalt not make any graven images.” Will be erected in front of all courthouses.

Movies are too violent, unless they are depicting stories from the ‘Good Book’ then they’re inspirational.

Everyone will have religious freedom as long as they love Jesus.

Trust the government absolutely, unless they say not to trust them, then trust that.

Jesus was a capitalist. The U.S. Constitution is from the Holy Bible.

Ignore the poor and do nothing for them.

Homosexuality is a sin to be condemned. Gluttony is a sin to be encouraged for strong business.

Say you’re for small government unless it’s a social issue – then dictate what people should do.

Protest (but call it a prayer circle) when you don’t get your way.

The Left-Wing Agenda:

Tolerance for all – unless you disagree.

Criminals should NOT be put to death; but there should be the option for fetuses.

Porn and condoms for all!

Anybody should be able to live in the U.S. without learning its main language or having documentation.

Health care and taxes for all!

Scientific funding and taxes for all!

Art funding and taxes for all!

Jesus was a socialist. The Constitution comes from the ancient Greeks.

Historical wrong doings, conquered peoples and witch hunts – apologize, apologize, and apologize.

Try to offend no one, but be offended by EVERYTHING.

Everything non-western and/or ancient is way more spiritual than anything practiced today.

Point out the poor and do nothing for them.

Say you’re for government regulation, unless it’s on a social issue, then do nothing.

Homosexuals should have equal protection. Unless they are in the closet, then we should violate their privacy.

Protest and Googlebomb when you don’t get your way.


I urge both parties to fight for your full agenda and pray that you neither of you get it.

When partisans are unhappy – it’s good for America.

5 Comments Don’t Be Happy!

  1. dave

    Conservatives: “Survival of the Fittest” means Wal-Mart gets to pave over your hometown for a Super Center.
    Liberals: “Survival of the Fittest” means your hometown gets paved over for a Wal-Mart Super Store.

  2. macdo10

    Brilliant!
    Or should that be yo, whatever, man?

    Yay for Europe, we’ve fought through most extremists now, so we have to import them :-)

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