Democratic and Republican Cookies, Drug Addicts and The Charleston

The summer before my senior year of high school I got an internship at Congressman George Miller’s office (Democrat in Northern California). It was the summer of 1992. It was back in the days when you could say you were an intern and no one would snicker. BTW thanks Monica, happy 30th birthday – you vacuous shill!

Anyway, it was the Year of the Woman and an exhilarating time to be a female and/or a Democrat. One of my duties as an intern was attending events. The Democratic Central Committee had an event that reminded me of a high school pep rally. They had Barbara Boxer boxer shorts for sale. They made a batch of Republican and Democratic cookies to taste. (note: Hillary’s cookie recipe tasted like pretzels with carob chips – but the Republican cookies were fantastic!) The presidential candidate was young, inspiring and well – YOUNG. George Bush senior was getting crabbier by the second and it looked like The Greatest Generation’s time had passed.

Cut to: twelve years later: What happened to the Democrats? You have one impeachment trial and everyone gets all too apologetic. See, Dr. Laura preaches abstinence and ‘clean living’ and has very explicit nude photographs of herself all over the web. Rush Limbaugh had condemned drug addicts for years and well…we hope the people in rehab were nice to him. What I’m trying to say is that when you’re a liberal – at least when you find yourself in a scandal – you’re not a hypocrite – you’re just a liberal. So stop apologizing!!! It’s just like when Republican’s get caught in white collar crimes – they’re Republicans – what do you expect?

But now the left is angry. Al Franken is angry. Michael Moore is angry. The presidential candidates are too busy being political to be angry. Well, Howard Dean is angry. COOL. It’s about time a Democrat got angry. It’s about time Americans got angry. There’s a lot to be angry about.

First off: questioning one’s patriotism when one questions the president and his policies has really gotten me ANGRY. Isn’t the basis of democracy opposing views and majority rules? What happened to the nation if we can’t say that George Bush is a screw up (or if you Kerry you would call him a ‘fuck up’)without our leanings being challenged? What is this – the 1950’s with cyber porn? COME ON.

I think there should be a rule that the only people that CAN’T criticize Bush are people that own stock in Halliburton. Everyone else should be able to get a shot in. It should be a part of our patriotic duty.

While we’re at it – now that I think of it all of us non-Halliburton stock holders shouldn’t have to obey the speed limit on freeways. We should be able to litter in places like Beverly Hills and receive a thank you note for it. ONE POSTAL CLERK PER EVERY TWO NON-HALLIBURTON STOCK HOLDERS!!! A free toaster perhaps? Or we should all get a paid vacation until we elect Howard Dean.

You know he’s going to be elected – unless Bush changes the constitution to let the Supreme Court elect him AGAIN.

In case you’re curious, I emailed Karl Frisch the Multimedia Communications Director the Dean Campaign and Dean doesn’t own any Halliburton stock. There’s another reason to be angry. At least Dean doesn’t seem so much like a politician. He seems more like a union agitator from the days of the Wobblies. You know, the first unskilled labor union in the country? No one gets that reference. Come to think of it – why do I know that? Anyway, trust me – he’s like those turn-of-the-last-century agitators – because he’s angry and he says things that NEED to be said. Now if I can just convince him to wear some knickers to a speak easy and do the Charleston until dawn.

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