Day Off, Presidents’ Day

I have acquired some knowledge about traveling across this land. I will share some with those of you in this fine blogosphere:

-Don’t eat fast food. If you need to eat (and you will) don’t go to McDonalds or Burger King. This will, first of all, make you gain weight. Second it will add to the fatigue of traveling. Third you will miss the opportunity to try the local cuisine. Sometimes it sucks (ie The Double Dragon in Pasco, Washington ICK) and sometimes its a great surprise. Either way, it breaks up the monotony of the same fast food burgers day after day.

-Have incense with you at all times. Buy the expensive stuff and use it. It will make your hotel room not smell like a hotel room. If you have any fond memories of opium dens, incense will bring them back. Really, you’re going to want a couple of sticks of sandalwood a night. Bring them.

-Drink water. You’ll forget. It is very important. Your mother tells you this all the time, drink water.

-Don’t sleep in the nude. If you are going to be in several different hotel rooms over a short period of time, you wont remember every lay out everytime you get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. If you are in sub-degree temperatures – you’re just asking for trouble. Wear PJs and then if you open the front door instead of the bathroom, it wont be as traumatic.

-If you find yourself with a pillow that feels like sandpaper, a large t-shirt can be placed over it for your comfort. Unless you want to exfoliate while you sleep, otherwise use the t-shirt.

-Make sure the clock in your room is accurate. Never assume someone has set it. If you need to be anywhere on time, make sure it’s correct.

-This is the most important tip: Don’t think about that fact that there is literally a hundred different kinds of DNA within every inch of your room. Don’t think about this when trying to sleep. This will only creep you out. This will only make you into the character Monk. This will not help your travels. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about the headboard. Don’t think about how they NEVER wash the bedspread. Don’t think about how poorly housekeeping is treated and you are suffering their revenge on the world. Think about your old punk rock days when people thought you were cool because you drank beer with cigarette butts in it. Think about camping. Think about Jon Stewart naked. Think about anything other than the DNA evidence.

Happy travels!!!

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