Cold Turkey

I’m going to quit. I figure if I write about it maybe it will help me keep my word.

I have to quit watching television news. It’s becoming a problem. It’s making my life miserable.
cnnmsnbcfox news
Finished with you three!

“Millions of people die every year – you could be next – we’ll tell you how to protect you and your family – next hour…”

“And for our international news, here is a photo of a 3 month old kitten, stuck in a tree in Germany…”

“The War on Terror, let’s find out what the stars think!”

There used to be a term called ‘yellow journalism‘. The term has just evolved into – cable news!

You want to know WHY there are so many Americans that believe we are in the end of days? Why they buy rapture insurance and have their bags packed? Why do Americans believe this?

Because they watch cable news and that’s pretty much the gist of it.

Anyway, I’m quitting. I’m quitting cable news. I can’t do it anymore. I start SCREAMING at the television. It gets to me.

Then since I’ve been yelling at the television all day – it has lead to me screaming at other small appliances. Yesterday I cussed out my toaster. My toaster doesn’t deserve that. That’s right, I’m quitting cable news for the sake of my toaster.

It’s definitely not for my printer. That stuck up little printer had it coming.

7 Comments Cold Turkey

  1. chenoah

    You’re still gonna watch Jon Stewart, though, right? That’s where the real news is, even though it’s on cable.
    Good luck with the withdrawal!

  2. Tina D.

    I will totally watch fake news that states up front that its fake. As opposed to fake news that tries to pass as a ‘no spin zone’.

  3. Paul

    My toaster deserves it. Stupid thing burns the toast all the time. I slap it around a bit too, but it asks for it, and I only do it because I love it.

  4. Abby Taylor

    If you sit really quietly with your toaster, take a few deep breaths, and listen… you can hear the news through your toaster.

    Trust me, it works. I do it all the time.

  5. Rob

    You, too? My toaster and coffee grinder sing duets during commercial breaks.

    I gave up on cable news ages ago; as a result, when I talk to other people I feel like I live in an alternate universe. The same effect I felt during the campaign, only milder.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *