Canadian Secession Part Two

The House of Representatives passed an anti-spam bill 392-5. The argument is that spam is annoying.

Praise God – the government FINALLY cares about us being ANNOYED. I’m writing my congress person as we speak to keep me from being annoyed further BY CONGRESS!!!

Requests…things I find annoying:

Dont criminalize sending mass emails about enlarging my penis – CRIMINALIZE CORPORATE CRIME! Throw those fuckers in jail. What they have to PAY A FINE? The irony ANNOYS me.

Pass a law that ROAD WORK cant happen during rush hour – it’s annoying.

De-criminalize drugs – so I dont have to hear about their life sentences on NPR – it’s annoying.

Make my dog stop shedding ALL WINTER long – it’s annoying.

Stop the semi-retarded from having conversations on their cell phones at grocery stores – it’s annoying.

How about not letting the defense or the press put Kobe Bryant’s accuser’s picture on the COVER OF THE TABLOIDS – It’s so annoying – Ive lost sleep over it.

I want every gun owner to take an IQ test – if they dont hit triple digits – they should only be able to buy a Super Soaker. You shouldn’t even be able to mutter,”constitutional rights” unless you can actually READ the constitution. That’s more than annoying – it’s frightening.

Spam is advertising, and like my rant about the ‘Do-Not-Call’ List – it obviously works. People find a porno advertisement and hit the link. I dont like advertising. I dont like billboards. I dont like advertisements on the floors of grocery stores. I really RESENT that I have to endure 20 minutes (or more) of commercials for every hour of TV. It’s the same thing. It’s UNSOLICITED. But really, when do we SOLICIT advertising? Isn’t that the ENTIRE POINT of advertising? To get you to buy things you didnt really think you wanted, but now are convinced you need?

Let’s talk about things that are unsolicited. How about unsolicited HELP for the House of Representatives? I have spam blocker software! I DON’T NEED THE GOVERNMENT TO STOP SPAM! If the program fails I can click delete!!! Thanks, but no thanks. Stick to bombing foreigners, giving aide to Halliburton and mucking airport security! That’s what I pay you for!

I’m sure Americans (those that actually have internet access) will sleep better know that spammers are behind bars. And we can all have a sigh of relief that the HOR cares if we’re annoyed. Let’s put Canadian secession on the ballot while were at it.

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