All of California Told to Evacuate


“…or face harsher penalties than just dying of starvation after an earthquake.” Warns Republican Senator Rick Santorum. “It’s a matter of personal responsibility that you leave now before a disaster strikes. Heed this warning.”

And Columbia Christians for Life concur. “After God smote Louisiana for having 10 abortion clinics. The next logical step is for Him to kill a bunch of impoverished Californians.”

Religious groups across the country have been calling the once known ‘hurricane season’, “God’s Wrath Upon Homosexuality Month.” As part of the celebration pillars of salt are proudly displayed in places of worship. Noting that California’s earthquakes strike at random, the groups have rejoiced at never having to pay for storage of the pillars.

California legislators passed a bill yesterday that would allow gay marriage in the state. The people at said,” The citizens of New Orleans tolerated and welcomed the wickedness in their city for so long, they really brought this on themselves.” They are also calling for Californians to ‘watch their backs’. Stating that if you don’t hate the right people it makes God very angry.

Trailer parks across California have been put on high alert. Former First Lady Barbara Bush stated, “They are underprivileged anyway, I bet they would LOVE staying in the Astro Dome.” When told that most people that live in trailers are white, Mrs. Bush’s tone changed. “Texas has many fine hotels for any future evacuees.”

Speaker Dennis Hastert has reasoned that California has been built on a fault line. “Why would we want to re-build after a disaster? Just bulldoze the entire state and move them to Arizona.” Adding,”If you build on a ‘fault’ line – it’s your fault.”

FEMA director Mike Brown, known for trying to avert any blame, was asked about the mass evacuation of Californians to circumvent any future natural disasters. He said,”I have not heard reports of the millions of people in California.” He then turned to his assistant, “What should I wear to the Congressional Medal of Honor ceremony?”

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