BB King, Maria Callas and Webbed Toes

I went to a karaoke bar tonight. Usually in Los Angeles, karaoke becomes like an American Idol audition. But this was a dark bar off Sunset and the worse people sang the more comfortable everyone got. And the more staple karaoke songs performed (ie Baby Got Back, and anything Prince has ever done) the more drunk everyone got. I really wish I could somehow make money every time some booby girl slurred her way through that ‘when I think about you I touch myself’ song.

All you could really see of people was their outline. This is my complaint about all LA night spots: make out lighting is brighter than these places and the music is so loud that the only conversation you can possibly have is “HEY” “WHAT?” “HEY” “OH, HEY”…”WHAT DID YOU SAY?”….”HEY!”

That’s why everyone is single in this town. You meet someone at a bar and WE ALL look good in pitch black and we all could possibly be interesting if we didnt talk. It’s the mystique you build up around a person that’s BOUND to disappoint you. I say if they look good and are witty at the DMV. Then there might be something.

Anyway, I dont sing. I dont even sing in the shower. I have a VERY DEEP voice. I get called ‘Sir’ on the phone all the time. I sound like BB King without Lucille. I just dont sing. My friends wanted me to sing. I told them the one really freaky (lets hope) thing about me is my incredibly low singing voice and Im not about to flaunt that off. It would be like someone with webbed toes wearing strappy red heals – just a bad idea.

I Like watching karaoke. I think I like the amateur aspect of it. It’s one thing to admire a master. My cousin saw Maria Callas in concert and everyone was so stunned that when it was finished they forgot to applaud for a couple of long moments. I saw Jessie Jackson at a rally when I was in college and that guy is AMAZING. He blew everyone away whether or not you agreed with him.

Karaoke is for the novice. A laymens event. It’s like watching a really bad movie and being much more entertained than having to suffer through some tear jerker sleeper hit.

Im still not singing.

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