After the show…

I just found out that my dog is missing. She jumped out of an open window when my boyfriend was at work and took off.

The rains in Los Angeles made her nuts and she is worse when I leave. Have you ever seen a dog be resentful? My dog holds grudges. She doesn’t like when I’m out of town for weeks at a time.

I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m 2000 miles away. I get in tomorrow night.

This dumb little mutt came up to me on the street when she was a puppy. Before I had her in my life, I was the most selfish person in the world. Now I’m only in the top 30. This stupid little mutt has profoundly changed my life and now I don’t know where she is. She’s never ran away before. She doesn’t have her collar on. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m in Houma!

It’s all about a lamp:

When, my dog Simone was a puppy, she ate my lamp while it was plugged in. She chewed right through the cord. I had a foster dog for a couple of months, he killed my replacement lamp. Now I have a lamp that I hate, but at least it hasn’t been murdered by a dog. I’m starting to think that dogs and lamps arn’t meant to be together in my house.

I was in New Orleans around Christmas this past year. There was this really cool lamp. It looked like something you’d find in Alice in Wonderland on acid. If you’ve been to New Orleans, that doesn’t exactly narrow it down. It was a really cool lamp. I didn’t buy it. I fretted over it and then didn’t get it. As soon as I got home, I regretted not buying it.

So I decided that I was going to do a one-nighter in Houma, because it was a brilliant excuse to go get that lamp. I’m not making any money traveling 900 miles for a one night gig. I’m not losing money. It’s a push. It was mainly for that lamp.

Anyway, I went to the French Quarter – couldn’t find the artist. He wasn’t there. All this driving, no lamp to be bought. Nothing.

And while I’m gone seeking out a new lamp, extending my trip – when I should have been home with my dog – my dog goes missing.

So here’s my life for you dear readers: If it wasn’t for my dog, I would have the lamp I liked. If it wasn’t for wanting a cooler lamp, I would have my dog.

The moral of the story: Live in a place with existing light fixtures so you won’t feel tempted to extend your trip for a LAMP, so the animal in your life that has brought you closer to your own humanity doesn’t jump out of a window.

Moral – that there is a PROVERB!

7 Comments After the show…

  1. indeterminacy

    Maybe it’s a silly idea, but if you could post a photo of your dog, one of your local readers might see her and take her in.

    But never give up the possibility that your dog will be waiting patiently for you, curled up on your welcome mat at your front door.

  2. Tina D.

    It’s not a silly idea. It’s just that I live in Los Angeles and it’s the 5 biggest city in the world. I don’t even want to think about how many languages Im going to have to make the flyers in.

    Man, I’m bummed.

  3. Daniel

    Sorry to hear about your dog. I had a mutt at one time. Now, I have a border collie.

    Thoughts and prayers are with you. Put up a pic for the LA readers.

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