Deport the Taco Bell Dog

There are a couple of things that I have come to rely on in this world. 1) The sun sets in the west. 2) No matter what kind of precautions I take or programs I run – I will STILL get spam emails for banks I don’t belong to and medical conditions I couldn’t possibly have. 3) When the GOP is down in the polls – illegal immigration is suddenly the outrage de jour.

Back in 1994 when California’s Governor, Pete Wilson, was bidding for re-election with sunken poll numbers, he used the same trick: illegals are stealing our jobs. He ran commercials depicting Mexicans scurrying across the border like cockroaches. He backed Prop 187, which denied social services, health care and education to undocumented peoples. It was so outrageous that it got over-turned instead of enforced – but it did get Pete Wilson re-elected with enough political capitol to deregulate California’s energy markets. That can be summed up in three words with one hyphenate “Rolling Black-outs”.

This is the ‘Three Card Monte’ of political strategy. While you’re looking for the ace someone is TAPPING YOUR PHONE.

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free – just don’t bring them undocumented in an election year with low approval ratings.

This issue gets dander flying. “We have to secure our borders – it’s about national security.” Which is like waking up one morning in 1895 and telling everyone that you can find that we really need independence from England. In other words: Dude, where have you been?

There has been a war on terror raging all over the world and undocumented workers walking across the border for the past 5 years. Why now is this the MOST pressing issue facing our country?

Why is this perennial issue suddenly the most important threat to our country since The Bird Flu?

My guess is that it is because the Republicans in Congress and the Senate have approval ratings comparable to Jeff Skilling and Ken Lay. That and blaming single mothers is too out-dated. That’s just my guess.

Illegal immigration is like prostitution – it’s not going away and we’ll all ignore it until there is a mid-term election. Then it’s not just a political issue – it’s a moral issue.

On Monday, President Bush addressed the nation about immigration. Since this is the ‘social security’ type of over blown topic with ‘abortion’ vehemence behind it, the president has to take action. This is the thing I know about George W. Bush, he’s not a man for diplomacy and will have none of that ‘talking’. He’s a war president and The Decider, which means that when faced with a problem of national importance he’ll have no choice but to call in the troops. Every issue that has come up since he was sworn in –. Afghanistan, Iraq, New York, and New Orleans – call in the troops. I’m surprised that there wasn’t a National Guardsman in every school to make sure that no child got left behind. His plan to solve the border issue? Let the desperate House and Senate work out the details and exchange the militia for the actual military.

David Blaine WISHES he could pull off this sleight of hand. My phone company gleefully gave over my phone records to the government with no warrant, no checks and no balances. The War on Terror has had enough rhetoric to burn your nose hairs but the facts have been wrong a couple of times. A Fox News pundit is the official voice of the White House and I’m supposed to save my outrage for people that work even when they’re asked NOT TO?!?

Sorry. I can’t do it.