Hi, My Name is America…And I’m an Oil Addict

George W. Bush talking about our nation’s addiction to oil is like Philip Morris denouncing the perils of nicotine. What’s next – McDonalds healthy eating pamphlets? How about a Wal-Mart planned class on small business survival?

And just when you thought it couldn’t be more ridiculous, a pundit from Fox News becomes the official voice of the White House.


So is the price of gas why Bush is about as popular as the bird flu? The thing about partisan politics is this: You could take a German Shepherd and put a neck tie on him – say he’s a Republican or a Democrat that’s strong on defense and a friend to the American family – and he would have at least a 30% approval rating. So the other 3% according to a CNN poll (with a 3% margin of error), Bush has earned by being ‘The Decider’.

If you feel that its in bad taste to kick a man when he is down…well then you probably didn’t vote for George Bush in the first place. All others can go Swift Boat themselves.

Anyway, gas prices. Gas prices are very high. I can’t complain about gas prices. Oh sure, I could if I really HAD to but I feel terrible doing it.

It feels like traveling to the polar ice caps only to start bitching about the lack of ice. “Where’s all the permafrost like in the brochure? I’m not seeing it people! I want my money back! How do you say ‘full refund’ in Algonquian?

Yes, it is like an addiction. It makes me feel like a dirty hypocrite, but I do it all the time.

So lets go with the ‘addiction’ metaphor: Bush’s solution to the high cost of energy is to suspend current EPA regulations for fuel. To use his words “…Gasoline, which is derived from oil.” So if this were smack we were talking about – instead of smoking, we’re going to start mainlining it.

Great idea Mr. President, err on the side of pollution.

Now say you don’t believe in global warming. Let’s say that you were REALLY concerned about the ominous hole in the ozone layer a few years ago. Then it quietly went away. So now you’re a little more hesitant before hopping onto that environmental catastrophe bandwagon.

Don’t think about global warming. – just go to Riverside, California for a day. Spend an August hour in Bakersfield. Just stand there and chew on the air for a couple of minutes. Feel the burn in your nostrils. Embrace the pain of having your eyes open. Now say without reservation, “The Environmental Protection Agency is just way too strict! Will those people let up already?!?

Gasoline price increases are like a hidden tax on the working people.” Said Bush, discussing energy this week.

He’s been in office long enough that I can say that George Bush is the deadbeat dad for the middle class. He’ll acknowledge they exist but won’t return their phone calls. Hidden tax or out in the open tax – they don’t really matter if you can’t breath. If you really want to help the poor and working class give them clean surroundings to live in. That would help them out considerably. Clean air or health care – pick one. Not having either is cruel and unusual punishment for letting the Republicans have the majority.

Lessening all the ‘red tape’ to drive down fuel costs, is like streamlining drug trials to make pharmaceuticals cheaper. It will probably work. We will get cheaper prices AND run the risk of more Thalidomide babies, Fen-Phen heart attacks and Vioxx induced strokes. After Katrina, Americans saw that you can’t count on the government to save you from a disaster. But that doesn’t mean that the government needs to completely stop trying.

So we’re addicted…we’re mainlining smack and don’t have plans to get help. Instead we’ve opted to be even more reckless and stop using clean needles.

Maybe in rehab we can ask Brazil to be our sponsor…

4 Comments Hi, My Name is America…And I’m an Oil Addict

  1. Abby Taylor

    I don’t know about you, but I don’t mind sacrificing the future of the earth to save a few cents at the pump. What are you, un-American?

    /sarcasm off/

  2. Vector

    Gas prices high in the US?? How about paying 7 $ for a gallon as we over here in the Netherlands do? That really kicks you on the gonads everytime you pull over to the pump. I do remember time when it was ‘only’ 4.7 $ per gallon and that was -hmmm, let me see…oh yeah, before some cowboy went looking for big guns in a quite hot and sandy country led by a nutter. Now that nutter has his own soap and our jolly cowboy rides on to the sunset and I remember him warmly everytime I pull over to the gas station.

  3. Vector

    It is as he said:
    “This is not a court, this is not a court, this is a game” – Saddam Hussein

    I don’t have a name in mind, but I’m sure it could be very sarcastic and ironic and funny in a sad kind of way.

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