The Sardonic Sideshow

Okay, I really could care less if you want to advertise your beliefs on your car. I don’t care if you have bumper stickers for candidate. I don’t care if you have some quirky platitude about random acts of kindness. I don’t care if you want to put a sticker of Calvin peeing on something. […]

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Dear Tina:
My name is Katrina and ever since the hurricane people have been saying
bad things about me. What should I do?
Truly,
Not a Hurricane Katrina
Dear Not a Hurricane,
Damn. That must suck. My first thought is that you should start a support group for people named Katrina and people born on September 11th. You […]

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Dear Tina,
I have ran into a problem I’m sure many people have suffered. Ok, well I will start off by saying that I have a rather large family that goes back many many generations…. well I suppose we all do, but nontheless my family is very proud of their Basque heritage and it seems as […]

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Dear Tina,
Going with the theme of your most recent creation of sarcastic comedy, I find myself in a ssstr-Uhg-gle!
My problem is so severe nobody was even remotely able to help me. You’re not the first person I am writing to and I sad to say you’re probably not the last. One of my naughty […]

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Dear Tina, I get really nervous when I’m at parties. I always think people are talking about me behind my back. What do I do? Sincerely, Paranoid in Portland

Well, Paranoid, unless you are Ashlee Simpson emailing me again (in which case you’re NOT paranoid and the people at parties ARE talking […]

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Dear Tina,
Is psychiatry bad like Tom Cruise and L. Ron Hubbard say? Please advise.
Curious in Peoria

Dear Curious,
You know who hates psychiatry more than anything? Psychiatric patients.
Think about it Curious, would you ask someone with a mouth full of rotting teeth what they think about dentistry? Would you take their opinion to heart regardless of how […]

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Dear Tina,
I am hopelessly lost in depression. How do I get out of it?
brett

Dear Brett,
Like mother always said, depression is God’s way of telling you - you’re a loser.
You must stop FAILING at everything you try and then you won’t be depressed.
God speed Brett.
Send your questions about life, love and social phenomenon to Ask […]

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Dear Tina,
I have a crush on this guy in my lit class. How can I get him to notice me?
Desperate in Dallas
Dear Desperate,
Two words: Self-immolation

He’ll notice you.
Send your questions about life, love and social phenomenon to Ask Tina.

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