Column: The Anarcho-GOP

It’s no secret the GOP hates Attorney General Eric Holder. If you want to start a fight with your Fox News-o-phile uncle, just say, “The attorney general will not cast aspersions on my asparagus!” as Rep. Louie Gohmert famously did during a House Judiciary hearing on the Boston Bombings in 2013. This was after Holder told the Congressman he could not know what he was talking about. Gohmert countered, defending the reputation of his veggies. Later, Holder wished Gohmert luck with his asparagus.

It’s been ugly. Farmers-market-level ugly.

Holder is the first AG to ever be held in contempt by Congress. You’d think the Grand Old Party would be racing to get rid of Holder. His replacement has been named, hearings have been held and the highly qualified United States Attorney for the Eastern District of New York Loretta Lynch has broad support from both Republicans and Democrats. But in the Republican-controlled Senate there’s been no move to bring her nomination up for a vote. So they will have Holder longer. As of this writing it’s indefinite.

This seems pretty typical for the Republican Party these days. They may fly a banner of the tea party Gadsden Flag with a snake coiled ready to attack but their snake would be more accurately depicted as eating itself. When Republicans get what they want then they no longer want that—they want something else!!

They lurved Chris Christie at the 2012 RNC. Just gushed over the governor. His speech was the highlight of the whole convention. “If only we could vote for Chris Christie instead of Romney,” they swooned. His brash style. His copious use of the phrase “shut up!” He was the party’s fantasy. When November came Republicans closed their eyes and pictured Christie while pulling the lever for Romney. And now that conservatives have their chance to vote for a President Christie he’s polling seven points behind Undecided—trailing behind even Mike Huckabee.

Plenty of people, even President Obama himself, think this is just a repulsion to anything Obama. “You’ve got one side that is denying the facts, who are often motivated, principally, by opposing whatever it is that I propose,” he said to VICE this week. It’s very diplomatic of the President to say the GOP has principles.

The GOP has the largest majority in the House since the Great Depression and Speaker of the House John Boehner has had his own bills FAIL anyway.

It actually feels dishonest to call them a party—or accuse Republicans of being a monolith when launching any criticism. Who’s the leader of the party? They don’t have one. Every Republican is a leader. Which is basically the tenet of anarchy.

Everyone is a leader in the GOP and they’re adored as long as they’re not given any real power (Sarah Palin, Donald Trump, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly). Anarchists hate seeing anything actually get done. They have contempt for authority opting instead for protest, sabotage and (you guessed it) filibustering. Anarchists hate government. They dismiss its need or existence. There is no institution or tradition that anarchists revere. Doesn’t this sound like the modern Party of Lincoln?

The current incarnation of the GOP is much more likely to tear things down than build anything. Even something as universally sought after as a deal with Iran to halt its nuclear program was happily torpedoed by 47 Republican Senators. The letter signed by theses “statesmen” basically said Obama isn’t really authorized to make a deal. Because to Republicans there are no leaders greater than each individual Republican spokesperson.

Obamacare? Repeal it! Replace it with nothing! IRS? Raze it. The Fed? Kill it! Anarchy! Yay!

Can you name all the anarchist governments in the world? You can. There are none. The U.S. currently just has one branch “run” by them.

Pass the asparagus.

GOP 2015: One God, No Masters.

 @tinadupuy

Image by Mike Seyfang