Attention Media: Sarah Palin Hates You, You Betcha!

Sarah Palin hates the media and all the smarty people in it. All the people who have been keeping track of her track record and annoying her “message” with evidence and actualities, she hates them. She hates them all so much her revenge was on the Friday of a three-day holiday weekend (when many members of the elite media were vacationing at no-doubt elite places) she would hold a press conference late in the day and tell all via the media she wasn’t taking “the quitters way out,” she was in fact quitting. She announced she will step down as the Governor of Alaska at the end of the month.

So the media people who were on vacation suddenly all had to call-in to the second tier anchors, type their witticisms on their phones and otherwise put down their snooty nose plugs, garishly garnished drinks and 100 proof sunblock to try and translate some “Palin speak” even though they’ve gotten a little rusty since the campaign.

“We are doing well!” Exclaimed Palin at the one-way press conference.  “I wish you’d hear MORE from the media of your state’s progress and how we tackle Outside interests – daily – SPECIAL interests that would stymie our state. Even those debt-ridden stimulus dollars that would force the heavy hand of federal government into our communities with an ‘all-knowing attitude’ – I have taken the slings and arrows with that unpopular move to veto because I know being right is better than being popular,” Palin relayed between manic breaths.

So the media people who cared (enough) to sober up long enough to wonder why a first-term governor with little executive experience and an eye on the big prize of the White House would refuse to gain anymore executive experience. “How could a first-term governor be a lame duck anyway?” they wondered. Don’t you have to be up against term limits to be a lame duck? Does Palin know what a lame duck is? Was that just a lame duck quacking in the background during the speech? What’s up with her and background fowl anyway? They all wondered if there was a scandal. Because a scandal would make sense. Dodging an indictment would make tons of sense. Oh yeah, those media elites like fancy stuff like sense and coherent reasons. Humph bluebloods.

Within 24 hours of the 140 character (and some blogging) bon mots bonanza Palin had her lawyer threaten to sue the entire establishment of the Internets for suggesting there could be a rational reason for her actions.

So on the Nation’s Birthday, Independence Day – Palin did the most American of acts – made her lawyer write an intimidating letter. Palling around with terrorists indeed.

Again, right in the middle of the also very American of acts of blowing stuff up while stuffing charred meat into your face, Palin’s lawyer released a four page letter. Which forced media elites to squint to read it on their 3GSes. Then Palin herself released a statement. And just to mess with the elite, surely sloshed members of the press even further – her statement was full of grammatical errors.

First the fireworks exploded. Then the heads of chronic copy editors.

For some overly-flattering reason, Palin’s resignation has been compared to Richard Nixon. Quitting after losing a gubernatorial race after being Vice President of the United States is a Nixonian move. Quitting before being impeached is a Nixonian move. Quitting while the quitting is good is a Nixonian move.

But, in fairness Nixon was a genius for punishing elites. He perfected the art of debate. He would plant traps for his opponents using the wrong name of something obvious. His opponent feeling smug about the misstep would correct him. Then Nixon could say something to the effect of,”I guess I didn’t go to a fancy school like you did.” And he would score populists points.

I’m convinced that when Palin called General McKiernan, General McClellan in the 2008 Veep Debate, she was attempting a classic Nixonian move. Joe Biden just didn’t fall for it.

See, Nixon was bitter because he was just as smart and capable as elites – he just wasn’t one. He got accepted to Harvard but his parents couldn’t afford it. Palin is bitter because “Facts,” as Ronald Reagan once said accidentally, “are stupid things.”

But the press, Palin’s press, her watchers, the people she threatens in the same breath as praising the First Amendment, her press people were given the big screw you on the Nation’s Birthday Eve.  In a way saying, “You want to pay so much attention to me – I’ll make you do it when you don’t want to! That’ll TEACH you!!!”

Proving, she who laughs while you’re face-down hammered and out of cell range – laughs best.

This first appeared on Huffington Post.