On July 7, 2005,
in Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
On July 6, 2005,
in Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
Journalists are being put in jail!!!
I feel so much safer.
When does Geraldo get put away?
Super wienie!
On July 6, 2005,
in Political Dribble, Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
In the American Executive Office
The president is supported by two separate but equally important groups
The senior advisers that cover-up crimes
And the Hollywood actors that smooth over public relations
These are their stories…
*ding* *ding*
GLENEAGLES, Scotland -
President Bush has named former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson to help shepherd his yet-to-be named Supreme Court nominee through the Senate, White House spokesman Scott McClellan said Wednesday. Full Story
The DA from Law and Order is going to guide Bush’s Supreme Court Nomination?
I hope he nominates Angie Harmon.
She was my favorite ADA.
Dear Tina,
Is psychiatry bad like Tom Cruise and L. Ron Hubbard say? Please advise.
Curious in Peoria
Dear Curious,
You know who hates psychiatry more than anything? Psychiatric patients.
Think about it Curious, would you ask someone with a mouth full of rotting teeth what they think about dentistry? Would you take their opinion to heart regardless of how many books they’ve read on the subject? Nope.
Since, no one in their right mind goes to see a psychiatrist. It is easy to have reports of them being connected to the CIA, the Alien Conspiracy and fluorinated water (those and a host of other plots that an aluminum hat will take care of).
So you may want to consider the source before dismissing an entire discipline.
Besides an industry that stopped giving lobotomies 50 years ago, can’t be all bad.
Tina
Send your questions about life, love and social phenomenon to Ask Tina.
On July 5, 2005,
in General Announcements, Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
I just signed up for Branica.com web statistics. I wasn’t aware of what people were putting into search engines to find my site.
I thought I would share the top 20 with you guys.
In descending order of popularity:
Apparently, if you type ‘douche bag’ into Google, after the instructional and informative sites on the subject – this blog comes up. Mother will be so proud.
On July 4, 2005,
in Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
That kind of looks like a giant hoop skirt. Maybe I’ve had too many mad cow hamburgers…
Happy Birthday America.
Wow, you made it to 229! Let me just tell you that you don’t look a day over 220. I mean that. You could easily pass for a much younger country. I’m impressed. You must take good care of yourself. What? Well, yeah, you’ve put on a little weight, but that happens. You look healthy. You do. No, I’m not just saying that. You’re fine. Oh, don’t get mad at me. You look good. I swear it. You do. I thought you were only 220! You’re amazing – now knock it off. Really, stop it. No, everyone doesn’t hate you…Where would you get an idea like that? They’re just jealous. They are. Now you go out and have a good time today – it’s your birthday. You deserve it. Have a couple of beers and a burger or something. Okay, you can make it light beer…
On July 3, 2005,
in Political Dribble, Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
In a summer where every movie is a rehash or remake or just unremarkable. There is a really entertaining true story unfolding.
The Cast:
The anti-hero ALA Tony Soprano. A powerful, secretive and anger ridden head figure. Played by Karl Rove.
The bought and paid for politician. Played by George W. Bush.
The male prostitute turned planted patsy, played by Jeff Gannon.
The investigator, played by Patrick Fitzgerald
The journalism martyrs, Judith Miller and Mathew Cooper.
The ‘deny it all’ public stump played by Robert Novak
.
Extras and scene dressings played by fanatical wingnuts:
Inspired by true events…
FADE IN:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY/NIGHT
Journalist, JUDITH MILLER sits in this dimly lit room with PATRICK FITZGERALD.
PATRICK
Turn over your sources! I have a subpoena Ms. Miller.
If you don’t comply you’re going to jail.
Turn over your sources! I have a subpoena Ms. Miller.
If you don’t comply you’re going to jail.
JUDITH
Well then, it looks like I’m going to jail -
because I’m not talking.
PATRICK
Who leaked Plame’s identity?
JUDITH
I want to be put in the federal prison
camp for women in Danbury, Connecticut.
PATRICK
Just turn over your emails.
JUDITH
Can’t do it.
PATRICK
We can protect you.
JUDITH
Protect me? Who do you think you’re going to
protect me from? You don’t know how far this goes!
How are you going to keep me safe from them?
If they can bypass the constitution what makes
you think they can’t get to me?
CUT TO:
INT. PRESS ROOM – DAY
JEFF GANNON speaks from the podium to a host of journalists and reporters snapping photos.
JEFF GANNON
The identity of CIA operative Valerie Plame
was common knowledge and therefor not an act
of treason. As a journalist from Talon News I was
privy to the same information as Robert Novak.
We at no time, thought it was classified information,
therefor no crime has been committed.
The identity of CIA operative Valerie Plame
was common knowledge and therefor not an act
of treason. As a journalist from Talon News I was
privy to the same information as Robert Novak.
We at no time, thought it was classified information,
therefor no crime has been committed.
REPORTER
Mr. Gannon, why did you choose
the name Bull Dog as your male
prostitute pseudonym?
The press people SNICKER. Jeff appears agitated.
JEFF GANNON
This press conference is over.
This press conference is over.
CUT TO:
INT. OVAL OFFICE – NIGHT
This is a secret meeting between KARL ROVE and his president GEORGE BUSH.
GEORGE
We’re in for it this time, Rover ‘ol buddy.
They know about Jeff Gannon,
Downing Street, Yellow cake Uranium, Novak,
No-bid contracts. The dots are all
connecting themselves. How am
I, I mean who ever I hire, going
to write this chapter of my autobiography?
We’re in for it this time, Rover ‘ol buddy.
They know about Jeff Gannon,
Downing Street, Yellow cake Uranium, Novak,
No-bid contracts. The dots are all
connecting themselves. How am
I, I mean who ever I hire, going
to write this chapter of my autobiography?
KARL
You keep saying you’re a uniter not a divider
and ‘unite’ the supreme court and none of this
will ever carry water.
GEORGE
But- but–
KARL
Trust me, George. I can handle this.
CUT TO:
MONTAGE:
a) An aerial shot of a somber pro-choice march gathering in front of the Lincoln Memorial.
a) A pro-life rally stands in front of the supreme court building and ERUPTS in CHEERS.
All the President’s Men has nothing on this drama…Stay tuned.
On July 1, 2005,
in FAQs, Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
It’s time to add to the FAQ (frequently asked questions) category.
Because here at The Sardonic Sideshow, if you ask a question once – it’s considered ‘frequent’. We’re very easy going here. (Again, it’s just me, but it sounds cooler when I say we.)
Put your questions in the comments area and I’ll post the answers.
Cheers!
On June 30, 2005,
in Favorites, Political Dribble, Topical Jokes Graveyard, Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
The Washington Post just ran an article about the TSA loosing control of $300 million to a contractor.
You can’t put a price on freedom.
No. Of course not. But I think you can put a price on contracts. Actually, I think a contract is a price. You know, the bid says,”We can do the job for this amount.” and then you say,”Okay, that amount is fine.”…
You always fail to see the big picture. That’s my job. I think about things everyday. We need smaller government, the Patriot Act and less activists judges. In order to defend freedom.
That wasn’t my point.
When you’re ‘on message’ you don’t have to worry about points. I’m no flip-flopper. We have to continue to fight. God bless Amauhrica.
You’re scaring me.
Scare hell, the terrorists never stop thinking about how to harm and kill American’s and neither do we.
Have you lost your mind?
Hehe…I don’t pay attention to polls. I’m spreading democracy – being tough and it’s hard. You know, it’s hard. The terrorists! Freedom! Terror! September 11th!
Okay, back to this Washington Post article….Don’t you think $4.4 million is excessive for “no show” fees on competency exams?
Heehe, after the towers came down, the world changed. We live in a different world. We are a country at war with an enemy. I asked Amauhricans following the terrorist attacks to help our economy, so the terrorist wouldn’t destroy our way of life.
Right, instead of joining the military to fight you asked people to–
Spend money, that’s right. Go on vacation, like I do. That’s what the tax cuts were all about. Spend your money, it’s yours. It doesn’t belong to the government. A strong economy. A strong Amauhrica. I have political capital to spend.
So NCS Pearson Inc. billing the taxpayers $3500 for renting power strips…
They were doing what I asked them to do. A strong economy means spending money. Heehe, this doesn’t make any sense to me. If we don’t spend money – there’s no economy to be strong and no way of life for the terrorist to destroy because they hate freedom…September 11th.
A $300 million gouge–
The sacrifice is worth it…September 11th.
On June 29, 2005,
in Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
I was watching television and there was an ad about support for quitting smoking of the Phillips Morris website. A cigarette company cares about you and wants to help you quit using their product.
It’s like your crack dealer giving you a referral for a rehab. Right?
Then there are the new ads from Sam’s Club (aka Elite Wal-Mart). The ads reach out to ‘the backbone of the economy’ small businesses.
Wal-Mart eats small businesses for their whole sale price cut breakfasts.
This is like if someone bought your house up behind your back, charged you rent at a 50% price hike and then gave you a 10% discount because ‘they care’.
McDonald’s has a personal trainer on their website. He’s not even a cartoon. They are supporting a healthy lifestyle. See, they care too.
Making money is making money. We all know that corporations are soulless, godless, legally bullet-proof entities. The provide goods and services that we need/want. I DON’T CARE IF CORPORATIONS CARE. It’s not a corporation’s job to care. That used to be the job of the church (that was before they got into politics). Corporations are supposed to make money.
My point: A pimp that calls himself an entrepreneur is STILL a pimp!
But since I enjoy being lied to (i.e. “Your ass looks so small in those jeans!”) as much as the next person, I have some suggestions for other companies to show they care:
Spread the love soulless giants. Spread the love.
On June 28, 2005,
in Political Dribble, Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
I decided to watch the President’s speech today.
The Sardonic Sideshow’s W Drinking Game:
I made myself some virgin jell-o shots. Which is basically – jell-o. Not very inventive but either are drinking games by nature.
One shot per “terrorist” or “terror”. This time out – 33 shots
If I would have chosen “freedom”, it would have only been 20 shots.
Half and hour speech – that’s pretty much a shot a minute. Most of them consumed in the first 10 minutes of the speech.
Now you know why the shots don’t come with booze? Alcohol poisoning due to public figures’ repetition is a dangerous plague on our country. Not to mention the speeches come without health care. Getting your stomach pumped on a budget sucks.
Did Bush quote Osama and say this is the Third World War? I was in a diabetic coma by that time…
On June 26, 2005,
in Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
According to a People’s Magazine Poll 63% of their readers think TomKat’s romance is a fake.
Of course, the other 37% are stoned on Ritalin.
Tom Cruise is the new Michael Jackson. We just can’t get enough of crazy.
On June 25, 2005,
in Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
That’s right! This is the 200th time I have posted on this blog. That warrants some tips in my PayPal account huh? *hint* *hint*
I considered going back and deleting some of the lamer stuff, that way I could put off the big 200. But no, I decided to just move on and hope the next 200 is better.
Then I fretted over what I would write about for my 200th post. It should be something good. Then I thought,”Why be inconsistent? It would throw my regular readers off.”
What is long due is some blogging about blogging and what it has meant to me.
I read a lot of blogs. I’m pretty much the biggest lurker ever. I comment on about 1% of the blogs I read. Blogging is beyond just a publishing platform. It’s a curse. Just kidding, it’s great – I have no life away from my computer.
Anyway, I will weigh the pros and cons about my blogging:
Pro:
It forces me to write everyday.
Con:
It forces me to write everyday.
Pro:
I’ve had to learn Photo Shop, html AND css.
Con:
I’ve had to learn Photo Shop, html AND css.
Seriously, blogging has been good to me. The whole, not re-writing an article until it actually makes sense – past time is totally over rated.
So here’s where you, dear readers come in:
To help me celebrate two years and 200 posts, I ask for your input. There are very few professional stand ups that blog. This is kind of a political satire blog…sometimes. And then it’s just weird stuff that makes me laugh. Coming soon is some podcasting and video. Soon enough.
So I open the comments up to your suggestions. How can I make this site better? Anything? The color, the three columns, the content…What would would you like to see more of? What would you like to see less of?
I’m talking to you lurkers out there – I’m one of you – now STEP UP and say something.
And thanks to everyone for celebrating this little blogosphere marker with me!
On June 25, 2005,
in Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
