Dear John Roberts,
Me: Sarcastic, under-employed humorist that spends most of her time reading obscure history books. I enjoy candle light dinners and long walks on the beach.
You: Successful, rich and good looking. You enjoy classic films such as Dr. Zhivago and North by Northwest.
This could work John! No one would have to know. After a week of seeing you questioned – I know you’re a man that can keep a secret!
Call me.
Tina
Ways to know your popularity ratings are really, really low:
Son of Florida Gov. Bush Arrested
AUSTIN, Texas – The youngest son of Florida Gov.
Jeb Bush was arrested early Friday and charged with public intoxication and resisting arrest, law enforcement officials said.
That’s right, when in your home state, your drunken 21-year-old nephew gets ARRESTED, you KNOW your popularity is in the gutter. Maybe the local officials don’t like taking the blame for the federal screw ups, after all.
My mother has high blood pressure. Her doctor told her to change her diet. I told her to stop watching Fox News.
“Please Mom, don’t you want to live long enough to be put in that nursing home I promised you? Think of your children!”
Anyway, she tried cutting down. She won’t quit. She’s drunk on that rush of fear that comes just before the commercial break. “Will the terrorists strike in your town? Some people think so – after our break find out!”
So, this is how I know what Bill O’Reilly’s Talking Points are without ever actually watching his show. It’s my mother’s statement of any political discussion. And apparently O’Reilly, like a lot of the conservative screaming heads, is obsessed with moralizing the wretched photos of the Katrina victims. “Many, many, many of the poor in New Orleans are in that condition. They weren’t going to leave no matter what you did. They were drug-addicted,” he states. Wagging his finger at all the depravity of their ‘condition’.
The condition, that of being poor, making around $8,000 a year, is portrayed as a character flaw. If you are poor – there is something wrong with you. Never mind that 37 million Americans, or 12.7% of us are impoverished. You want to make poverty go away, make people that are poor feel bad about their situation. AS IF being poor doesn’t already suck…
Say this is true. Say it’s true that if you are poor it’s because you lack moral character. It’s because you are too lazy to go to college and get a good paying job and it is a matter of personal responsibily that you pull yourself out of that. If you don’t it’s because you’re a failure.
By that reasoning, you know whose better than all those 37 million Americans?
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She’s flawless!
Wow.
“And to the extent that the federal government didn’t fully do its job right, I take responsibility.”
George W. Bush Sept. 14, ‘05
If you would like to take the graphic – all you have to do is ask.
“See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don’t attack each other. Free nations don’t develop weapons of mass destruction.” — President Bush, Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003
In 1812 the United States decided to invade Canada.
Really. It’s true.
Canada was still a British colony at the time. The British army was busy with a little dude named Napoleon, known best for his namesake desserts. The English were interfering with American shipping interests. There was a desire to get the British out of North America altogether. So, congress thought it was a good idea, at an opportune time and we invaded the Canadian provinces.
The attack on Fort McHenry in Baltimore inspired the poem,”The Star Spangle Banner.” Yes, our national anthem was inspired by our valor in a war we started Canada. A nation that has been figuratively and literally looking down on us ever since.
Anyway, in 1814 the British occupied Washington DC. Seeing the incoming invasion, then First Lady Dolly Madison, also known for her namesake desserts, packed a wagon full of national treasures and fled. The same was true for the president and most of the other residents. The White House was set ablaze as with most of the city.
This was late August. You know, ‘hurricane season’. So this storm came in. Rain and wind – followed by a tornado. Not only did it put out the fires in DC, it caused mass casualties to the British invaders. And because of that, they left the city. A natural occurrence thwarted an occupation.
Americans didn’t win the War of 1812. It was a push. It could have easily gone either way. It was resolved by diplomatic relations, ironically a month before the famously victorious Battle of Orleans. It was very close.
So almost to the exact date, a 191 years ago, the White House and the country were saved by a freak storm.
No matter where your political ideals lay, you must admit Katrina changed this country.
I’ll give you an example: Two and a half years ago, Jeff Gannon, a ‘reporter’ without a publication (Talon News wasn’t even a decent blog), who was a male prostitute, was a member of the White House Press Core. A member on a DAILY basis for TWO years. TWO YEARS! So many questions are still unanswered about this one. What was an unaccredited journalist with a false identity doing in the Press Core? Why was a male prostitute regularly in the White House? Why did all the anti-gay squawkers – stay completely silent about this? Why did this outrage no one? The story broke in Feb. of this year, but never went anywhere. The only answer that I can come up with is the absolute loyalty to this administration. There is a sentiment that we are at war and part of that is trusting and hoping people with power behave themselves.
That’s ONE example out of many. That is really bad. That’s bad for our national security. That’s bad for our free press. That’s bad for our country. But we’ve been occupied. We we told to watch what we do or say. We’ve been told that if we we’re patriots we would support our leaders unconditionally. We have been told that duct tape was going to be our saving grace and dissension would get our family put in jeopardy. Being afraid – that has been an occupation for Americans. The fear of getting killed by a terrorist act coupled with the fear of being Dixie Chicked.
Then again, in late August, a freak storm changed all that.
How Bush Blew It – Newsweek
All the President’s Friends – New York Times
End of the Bush Era – The Washington Post
Living Too Much in the Bubble? – Time Magazine
The barriers of unfettering support and denial of culpability that we have had solidly in place for 5 years have been cracked open. And really, I don’t think anyone anticipated the breach of those levees.
Also posted at Thought Mechanics
I found this headline:
Amurika will never forget September 11th. Remember? You liked me back then. I’m going to make Amurika safer. You can’t let my blank check bounce!
The thing about partisan politics is this: You could take a German Shepherd and put a neck tie on him – say he’s a Republican or a Democrat that’s strong on defense and a friend to the American family – and he would have at least a 30% approval rating.
But who knows, I heard German Shepherds are really good in a crisis. Very protective. Very loyal to those that feed him. Smart too. Really good instincts. What I am saying is – he probably wouldn’t have hired Mike Brown to run FEMA. Maybe Rin Tin Tin would be good for the job. God knows he’d have more personality than John Kerry.
As some of you will recall, Earth quit the Green Party and joined the GOP shortly after the 2000 election. She has been a staunch Bush supporter ever since.
If you don’t live in America and you are wondering to yourself,”Why on earth is Earth a member of the US Republican Party?” I say it’s because American politics are just that weird.
Stop blaming Bush.
Why?
Uh…why? It’s not time to play the blame game.
Okay, tell me why not.
It’s time to focus on the recovery effort.
And those that have no usable skills in that area, like Mike Brown for example – to focus on the recovery efforts – why shouldn’t we figure out what went wrong?
The president is taking charge. No blame game.
Okay, how about another game? Lets play the role playing game. Lets pretend I am the leader of the free world.
Okay.
Say, I’ve been in office for 5 years. My political party has a majority in BOTH the House and the Senate. We’ve been telling people that if we were in charge – America would be better. Now we are. So far there have been no weapons of mass destruction and no exit strategy in a preemptive war in Iraq. I am the Commander in Chief of the entire military. I tell everyone that the Abu Ghraib and Gitmo atrocities while – wide spread – have been the fault of rogue individuals. Soaring poverty and outsourcing on the home front. Tax cuts for rich people and the oil companies. I cut funding for needed infrastructure projects. I give billion dollar no-bid contracts for my friends. I side step the Bill of Rights to make us all ’safer’. Actually, that’s all I really talk about is making America safer. That’s the thing that got me elected. Make America safer – by any means necessary. And if you ask me about it – I’ve NEVER made a mistake. Ever.
Okay….
Then a natural disaster hits with a 48 hour warning. It takes another three to four days for a national response. I’m on vacation and show concern for Trent Lott’s house. A man that got FIRED as a horse inspector is in charge because he is my friend too. He’s literally letting people die in the aftermath as I tell him what a great job he’s doing. Would you blame any of that on me?
Well, are you a Republican?
Yes.
Then it’s not your fault.
“…or face harsher penalties than just dying of starvation after an earthquake.” Warns Republican Senator Rick Santorum. “It’s a matter of personal responsibility that you leave now before a disaster strikes. Heed this warning.”
And Columbia Christians for Life concur. “After God smote Louisiana for having 10 abortion clinics. The next logical step is for Him to kill a bunch of impoverished Californians.”
Religious groups across the country have been calling the once known ‘hurricane season’, “God’s Wrath Upon Homosexuality Month.” As part of the celebration pillars of salt are proudly displayed in places of worship. Noting that California’s earthquakes strike at random, the groups have rejoiced at never having to pay for storage of the pillars.
California legislators passed a bill yesterday that would allow gay marriage in the state. The people at repentamerica.com said,” The citizens of New Orleans tolerated and welcomed the wickedness in their city for so long, they really brought this on themselves.” They are also calling for Californians to ‘watch their backs’. Stating that if you don’t hate the right people it makes God very angry.
Trailer parks across California have been put on high alert. Former First Lady Barbara Bush stated, “They are underprivileged anyway, I bet they would LOVE staying in the Astro Dome.” When told that most people that live in trailers are white, Mrs. Bush’s tone changed. “Texas has many fine hotels for any future evacuees.”
Speaker Dennis Hastert has reasoned that California has been built on a fault line. “Why would we want to re-build after a disaster? Just bulldoze the entire state and move them to Arizona.” Adding,”If you build on a ‘fault’ line – it’s your fault.”
FEMA director Mike Brown, known for trying to avert any blame, was asked about the mass evacuation of Californians to circumvent any future natural disasters. He said,”I have not heard reports of the millions of people in California.” He then turned to his assistant, “What should I wear to the Congressional Medal of Honor ceremony?”
Back on July 19th, 64 AD
Press conference transcript with Emperor Nero and Gaius Ophonius Tigellinus, his advisor from July 26, 64 AD (a week after the Great Fire of Rome):
TIGELLINUS: Thank you for joining us today. It is very important as the fires are still smoldering and people are still suffering to not politicize this tragedy. It’s not time for the blame game. The Emperor left his vacation at his ranch in Anzio early, in order to come down and view the damage for himself. Now Nero would like to make a statement.
NERO: No one anticipated the burning of Rome. Our faith-based and community groups are responding. As some of you may know, a senator lost his home as well. Out of the rubbles of the senator’s home — there’s going to be a fantastic house. And I’m looking forward to sitting on the porch. We will re-build this city better than before the fire. It will create jobs.
TIGELLINUS: We will now open this press conference up to questions.
Q. Emperor, who will be held accountable for the slow response to this tragedy?
A. NERO: I consult with the gods on a regular basis, and we haven’t made that determination yet. There will be a full investigation by those that I trust, I can assure you. We are focused on the recovery efforts.
Q. Emperor Nero, what about those that have been made homeless by the fire?
A. NERO: Those that chose not to evacuate will be placed in temporary shelters. We are very focused on the recovery efforts.
Q. Biggest tax cut, permanent tax cut for the richest people in the empire — in view of the national crisis, in view of the deficit –
TIGELLINUS: The highest priority for this administration right now is the ongoing response and recovery efforts.
Q. With such a slow response to the city burning, and our defenses sent to foreign lands, what if Rome were attacked by our enemies?
NERO: Hehehe. We are securing the Roman people by staying on the offensive abroad. It is important to realize that Rome is at war with violent extremists and this should not deter our efforts to hunt down those that are called ‘Christians’. They never stop thinking about how to harm and kill Romans and neither do we.
TIGELLINUS: That is all the questions we have time for today. I know that tempers are flaring right now but I have confidence that history will record the truth about this event. We are very busy focusing on recovery efforts. Thank you for stopping by.
And present day:
This was in the New York Times August 31, 2005:
I like creationism better than science. I like debates with the lack of argument. If you believe in creationism – there’s no argument because you’re right – regardless of facts.
Science is hard to study. There are so many books that you have to read and understand in order to be a scientist. To be a creationist – there’s only one Book – and you don’t really have to understand it. Now which is more appealing to you?
Think of creationism as mental streamlining. All those pesky questions and inconsistencies you have in science – all go away with one sentence. The sentence,”God created the world 6,000 years ago, any evidence to the contrary is wrong.” *SIGH* See how a big weight is just lifted off your shoulders by that? All that scientific inquiry causes stress – and stress causes grimacing – grimacing is ugly – therefore scientific inquiry makes you ugly. Don’t be ugly – you were intelligently designed to be beautiful. But not sexual – that’s bad.
Anywho, The Science Channel or as I like to call it – The It’s-Just-A-Theory Channel – won’t tell you about creationism. Because they are propagating lies.
There are 2 million species recorded on this planet.
Two of every animal were saved on Noah’s Arc.
Genetic sequence evidence. “Neutral human DNA sequences are approximately 1.2% divergent (based on substitutions) from those of their nearest genetic relative, the chimpanzee.”
Adam and Eve – you godless monkey!
The planet Earth is around 4.4 billion years old – has gone through atmospheric changes both violent and long term.
Nu huh.
There is a rock and fossil record.
Is not.
The evolution theory is supported by the mutating of viruses. Those are changes we have witnessed in our life time.
La la la la – I’m not listening.
See – it’s so easy!
Published: August 31, 2005
Yet after 2003, the flow of federal dollars toward SELA (Southeast Louisiana Urban Flood Control Project) dropped to a trickle. The Corps never tried to hide the fact that the spending pressures of the war in Iraq, as well as homeland security — coming at the same time as federal tax cuts — was the reason for the strain. At least nine articles in the Times-Picayune from 2004 and 2005 specifically cite the cost of Iraq as a reason for the lack of hurricane- and flood-control dollars.
I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees.
No, you know who anticipate stuff like that? The Dutch – those liberal morons – with their anti-war policies – gay marriage – legal drugs, legal prostitution, low crime rate and successful dikes and levees. It’s disgusting. We don’t want to be anything like them.
Congress had an emergency session to deal with this crisis.
Yes, the crisis HAS reached Terri Schiavo level.
Life is precious. We want to preserve our culture of life.
Wait – wait Mr. President, we shouldn’t politicize this tragedy yet. Save it for next week’s photo op.
The new FCC chairman Kevin J. Martin is ‘boning up’ for a war on obscenity. Here’s something to be freaked out by – a government agency just hired an ACTIVIST to advise them on policy issues.
Penny Nance makes me LAUGH. She’s a stay-at-home-mom like I’m an accountant. She stays at home as much as I balance my check book. Which means she’s a shill. A shrill – shill at that.
Oh yeah? Well I’m a victim of ESPN because a man TRIED to assault me watched sports on TV. Put that in your logical fallacy pipe and SMOKE IT. (Thanks for that one Ticklebug)
God forbid we have a reasonable discussion about naked people ‘doing it’ on camera and its effects on society. Oh no! Simple capitalism leads me to believe that porn is very popular…while rape is much less popular. Not that I have the data to back that statement up. BUT NO! It’s about protecting CHILDREN.
No it’s not. It’s about using hysteria and fear to further an agenda.
But, let’s talk about children. Let’s talk about how children are being used in this ‘war on obscenity’ in the most deplorable manner. There are being used as pawns – as excuses – to treat the ENTIRE population like children. “Dirty words are bad – hide your uglies!”
Kids First? That’s important – yes. However, bad words don’t hurt children. Porn still being legal doesn’t hurt children.
Poverty hurts children!
Pollution hurts children!
Poor education – hurts children!
Pedophile priests – hurt children!
But crude language – children like. They do. Just ask one. If you make just saying a word taboo – kids love it. You want to make kids hate bad words – use them often in front of them. They’ll never use them again.
And porn isn’t for kids. It’s called ‘adult entertainment’. It’s sold at ‘adult stores’. It runs on ‘adult channels’. It’s for ADULTS – which a vast majority of the country is – adult.
So Penny Nance – you want to help children? Put down the porn and the misguided self-righteousness and look at the list. Go help.
But you’re not going to do that. You’re going to use all your strategic planning to get bad words off cable TV. Seems a waste when there are children that really do need to be protected.
