Tina Dupuy

Are you the Tom Brokaw coined Greatest Generation? Are you a Baby Boomer? Gen Xer? Or are you Gen Y? Gen Z?

You may have noticed that generations, these days, happen every 5 years.

What used to be defined as the length of time it takes to grow up and have children, is now the length of time between you and your older siblings. If by the time you were a senior in high school, another person was still in the 7th grade – different generation. That’s right, America – we’re living longer and aging in dog years.

For me there’s nothing better than a 20-year-old telling me that I’m the older generation while I’m still too young to run for the senate (30). That’s right, the New Generation of Pepsi drinkers – those of us that chose, fought and persevered in the Cola Wars of the 1980’s – no longer new. Our ‘enjoy by’ date has long expired.

It’s all about fast food, fast cars and rapid generation gaps.

We have so many generations there is no time to define them. Once they are named – that’s the best definition we can come up with. We don’t even have a word (that has stuck) for this decade yet. The Zeros? The Thousands? The Aught-ies? But there is a phrase for the current batch of teens, tweens and pre-tweens. What will define them? They will be defined by the fact that they are the quickest generation in the history of the word.

The upside to this is that it is now possible to be a voice of your generation with ALL of your 15-minutes. Of course, that voice is a sound bite with the lingering effect of a mosquito bite and twice the life span. I can’t wait for the American Idol: Where Are They Now? special. Actually, I probably won’t have to wait. It’s a show that has a new season every four months. The first episode aired summer 2002 – that’s almost a GENERATION ago. Producers – you better get on that.

Who cares that you can be considered perennial in less than ten years? No tween I’ve talked to.

It’s not that our attention spans have decreased. It’s not a national lack of focus. It’s not the collective unconsciousness being comatose. No. It’s that we’ve gotten used to watching generations after generations of young people ‘come of age’ before we turn 210 (in dog years). We’re too busy agreeing on names to note anything else.

So because of this new generation time frame and elective surgery we can all look younger and AGE quicker – at the same time. This is why this country has produced – close to a half a dozen generations of confused young people in the past 20 years. Scratch that. Our country has just produced half a dozen generations in the past 20 years and THAT is confusing.

But I happen to be part of the older generation, so what do I know.

If someone asks me if I know anything about computers I smugly say,”I’m under 30.”

So yeah, I played video games on a Texas Instrument PC when I was 5. I remember waiting 5 minutes between screen shots in Kings Quest. I dialed up punk rock BBs with my super fast 114 when I was a freshman in college. I know was a B drive is. I was on AOL when they still charged by the minute. I was on the World Wide Web before domain names – when the only thing you could find were porn and Dungeon and Dragon fan sites. Yeah, it was a frontier back then. You could do whatever you wanted and NO one would know. Well, none of the cool kids would know anyway.

The dot com boom came before cable modems. I was there, tapping away at my keyboard, thinking I knew things about computers – so what if I never learned how to TYPE properly. I don’t HOLD a pencil PROPERLY!

My grandmother will be 79 years old next month. She took a HTML class at the local community college. She builds and maintains her own website!!! She stood in bread-lines during The Great Depression and she would tell me I wear too much #000000 and I would just say,”Hey, I’m under 30.”

This month marks the 5-year anniversary of my website. I know because I had to re-register my domain name. Suddenly I realized that I am like a guy that uses books as coasters thinking he doesn’t need to learn to read – because he can use a book okay. In short, I realize – I’m a moron. There are 13-year-olds that create Trojan horses in a weekend that can murder my computer and THINK NOTHING of my three column blog!

How can I be a tech fret? My first answer is that I’m a general fret so if I’m using technology – I’ll fret.

My neurosis aside: say you depended on geography. You see yourself as an intermediate to expert in the study. You had seen some rapid changes through-out your life. Then one day you wake up and realized that every day countries changed names and borders. Every time you investigated, there is a corner of the world that was COMPLETELY different. And in those places where things were completely different the people there would smirk at you and ask,”How could you NOT know this? Everyone knows this – dummy.” Then they hand you a manual three inches thick and say,”This will explain everything.” Then when you asked a question they quickly interrupt,”Read the manual – it’s in there.”

“B-but – b-but–”

“Read the manual!”

“But I KNOW A LOT ABOUT GEOGRAPHY!!”

“Maybe yesterday you did. Get with the times!”

This is what my life has been reduced to: A good day is when I don’t have any error messages and tech support people don’t know me by name.

“Yeah, it’s Tina again. Look I still can’t figure out–”

“Did you read the manual?”

“God damn it! Of course I didn’t read the manual! I was TOO busy SOBBING for my own mediocrity *blubber* I’m under 30!”

I would like to take a moment to talk about racism in this country and the trauma it causes the victim. I am a Blond-American.

For the purpose of this article I will draw a difference between ‘blond’ with a small ‘b’ and Blond with a capital ‘B’. Blond, with a small ‘b’ (unless, as in this case, it’s at the beginning of a sentence) is to refer to the color. Blond with a capital ‘B’ (also in this case at the beginning of a sentence) will refer to the culture of natural blonds or Blonds as the case may present itself.
Half of the world’s population is Asian. An eighth of the world population is white. Only a very small fraction of them are blond after infancy. Isn’t it obvious, you might think, that we are a minority? The answer is a resounding yes. However we have no minority rights, nor holiday, not even a meager parade once in a while.

Furthermore blonds have been subjected to the worst kind of stereotyping. This coupled with the lack of any positive Blond role models has made the plight of Blonds cluttered with obstacles.
Firstly let us examine the way that blonds are depicted in our culture. Barbie and Ken, for example, are portrayed as plastic vacuous individuals lacking any real kind of human ‘capabilities’. Kelly Bundy is a faux blond and a perpe-trator of the mindless bimbo image that has been the object of locker room humor for decades. Then there is Miss Piggy, who despite her popularity, is nothing more than a PUPPET for the oppression of her kind!

The characterizations that have plagued blonds can be hurtful. Take the myth that we have more fun. There is no scientific basis for such a claim. Blonds don’t have any more fun that the rest of the hair colors. This fabrication is just propagated to keep us giggling and therefore not rising up against the establishment!

We have no equality in the work place. Statistics from the nationally prominent organization, Blonds Overtly Offended by Stereotyping (B.O.O.B.S.), reports that a brunette is 6 times more likely to be hired than his/her Blond counterpart. Yet despite these outrageous figures there has been little or no legislation to eradicate the problem. Affirmative Action has just overlooked this prejudice. We must act now so future generations of Blonds will not have to suffer the same stinging trauma.

My personal story is quite typical and yet still sad. Against all the professional advice of the time I was adopted into a brunette household. I always felt like the blond sheep of my family. I have come to terms that my parents did the best they could with what they had, but that doesn’t help the mental anguish I endured. I was acutely aware that I was different. My parents encouraged me in fields they thought I would be able to fit into (i.e. flight attendant, gossip program host or the woman-that-stands-next-to-the-show-cars-at-convention-centers). I relay this story only to explain that I was limited at birth. Who knows what I could have done with my life had I been encouraged as brunettes are.

These points and many others are the reason I have chosen to write my second book. It’s a scathing satire of the all brunette novel by Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Oppressed and Insulted. He apparently didn’t consider Blonds to be either! My motives are simple: I want to let everyone know that we as a people have feelings too and we don’t appreciate being left out.

My first book, as you know, is an account of Blonds in American history and their stories prior the advent of hair bleach. It can be specially ordered by contacting my all Blond publisher at their website at www.FairBooks.com.

Brunettes as a ruling majority can often be cruel and ignorant when conversing with Blonds. “Some of my best friends are Blonds,” they will boast. As if my anger should be pacified by their self-proclaimed open-mindedness. Well, it’s not! I’m offended by Non-Blonds using the b-word. I intend by my grass roots efforts to take the pejorative connotation out of the term ‘Blond’ simply by not letting anyone who isn’t Blond use it without my leering at them. I implore all other Blonds to do the same and then the tide shall turn.

“We are all human beings.” That is how a homeless gentleman put it to me this morning while I was walking my blond and Blond dog.

“Sir,” I inquired,”Are you now, or have you ever been a Blond?”

“No” he muttered.

“Then what would you know about pain and suffering, Sir? True, I am a human being BUT I have the burden of being a Blond-American and that’s not even comparable! Educate yourself before you say something so unthinkingly callous!”

If you as a reader would like to enlighten yourself about the Blond minority and their personal, often-tragic stories please visit my website at www.we-have-the-same-amount-of-fun-as-anyone-else.com.