Hello Dear Readers!
I am in day three without a cigarette.
I wouldn’t recommend it. Brutal.
Anyway…the only thing I can manage to do is whine and be bitchy…Throw stuff and eat…eat a lot.
So I am taking the weekend to further my detox…The Sardonic Sideshow will be back up on Mon. Jan. 16th.
Cheers.
I know you been waiting for this – just aching to buy crap to support this site and its sole contributer. I know. You’ve had to wait too long.
Now the time has come, and well – it’s nothing like you thought it would be. Not better or worse, just different.
New Tina T-Shirts!
Only $22 with shipping included (inside the US) GO HERE TO BUY IT!
With original artwork by Ignacius Dedd the creator of Dead Guy. The Cartoon.
Two sided – 100% cotton – non-Cafe Press – T-shirts.
Perfect for birthdays, anniversaries…apologies.
All proceeds go to a wonderful cause…buying me a second hand lap top off Ebay. Yeah, you could give money to Katrina victims, but they could already HAVE a second hand laptop. Do you want that on your conscience? Do you?
Deadline is Jan. 10th
Hey yawl!
Since this is my 3rd December as a blogger (note that I am a neutral party in the War on Christmas). There are a couple of holiday traditions for The Sardonic Sideshow.
1. Year in Review: I’m working on it – it’s been a hell of a year.
2. New Year Resolutions.
Now the second one is usually something dumb like “Pluck my eyebrows every week.” or “Shower.” Something mocking the idea of making resolutions.
Anyway, I bring this up because there is this site called Futureme.org. It’s a virtual time capsule done by email. Basically, you send your future self an email up to 30 years in the future. You could chose, of course to have the email sent to you the next day or any other time in between.
Scroll through the public ones. It’s a site dedicated to beating yourself up before hand for things you know you won’t do in the future.
This is a weird topic. I find that when I read my journals from when I was a teenager, my present self thinks I was a total idiot. Which makes me think that my future self will think my now present self is a total idiot. Then maybe ‘wisdom’ is building an immunity to caring that you were/are an idiot.
I’ve just drowned in my own deepness.
Check out the site anyway. Cheers.
Here’s a poll for you dear readers:
What was your favorite story or event of 2005?
Most outrageous? Shocking? Coolest ever? Best for jokes? What do you have?
I’m partial to the giant squid finally caught on tape, myself.
This is for a reader’s highlights post. The comments are open for any ideas.
Thanks!
Okay, I think I fixed the problem with those fucking pop-ups.
It would be FINE if I was getting ad money for them – or at least giving my consent. This was a covert sneaky little pop-up care of Blog Log.
At least that’s my theory. If anyone is still getting a pop-up. Please let me know in the comments.
Thanks!
-Get first three chapters of book polished for book proposal.
-Write Comedy Central and tell them that Dennis Leary’s comedy may hurt someone’s feelings.
-Stalk new manager.
-Re-new insurance.
-Wash car.
-Write article for newspaper and check spelling this time.
-Call grandmother.
-Go to post office.
-Write new bit about the death penalty (note: don’t tell it in Texas)
-Walk and feed dog and give needed belly rub.
-Plan December work, send headshots.
-Eat an entire meal sitting down.
-Get phone line fixed.
-Get cell phone fixed.
-Have meeting with director and don’t make fun of his accent.
-Do a set in NoHo.
-Cancel set in Riverside.
-Book Jan. gigs. and send headshots.
-Clean office/living room/bedroom/kitchen.
-Wash hair.
-Update blog.
I have another article in the LA Daily News.
Here is the link.
Enjoy!
Happy Turkey Day!
Note:
I think that after two days the article goes into the archives. So you don’t have to pay to read it, I’ve posted it below.
Bird Flew on Turkey Day
It’s Thanksgiving. The only time of year where the widely consumed sandwich meat, turkey – suddenly has special narcotic properties. The biggest shopping day of the year, the busiest travel day of the year, and the most drunken arguments over why we bother to make sweet potatoes when no one eats them, day of the year.
All US presidents since Truman have pardoned a turkey as an annual tradition. This year I heard the turkey’s name is Scooter. Hmm.
In the 1600’s there were the pilgrims and their newfound menu of maize and wild bird. But this day of thanks wasn’t an American staple until 1863. In the middle of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln proclaimed that the last Thursday of November be a national day of Thanksgiving. I won’t mention how a certain actor showed his gratitude.
In Los Angeles it’s a huge annual football day – where as a city we are all reminded that we don’t have our own team. But we have the Lakers, so shut up!
I ask this: why do all my ideas about Thanksgiving take place in a New England setting? I’ve never lived there. But in my mind’s eye, all the leaves on the trees are colored and the air is just a bit chilled. There’s dark wood molding and a fireplace. The people are sober and plain yet good looking. Basically, my vision of how this holiday is supposed to look straight out of a LL Bean catalog.
But that’s not where I live. Here it’s sunny and 78 degrees. I have a fireplace. In it you’ll find copies of all my bills and a collection of self-help books that I’ve received as gifts. I’ve never actually lit it – but a girl can dream.
There is a certain defiance with any kind of tradition in Los Angeles. It’s a city where there are no dress codes because our celebrities and other important people won’t stand for it. Where the rich are thin and tan…as are the homeless. You can get away with wearing jeans to funerals, weddings and thanksgiving dinner. But the jury is still out on flip-flops (unless you’re famous).
This makes visitors from other parts of the U.S. nuts. “Everything is so casual and informal here,” they whine.
Yes, it is. We have our own take on everything out here in California. But I will remind anyone that criticizes LA for not adhering to traditions – not adhering to traditions is actually an American tradition. After we gained our independence from England, we nixed all holidays and tried to find our own way. Congress actually met on December 25th, 1789. Yeah, it was Christmas, but “Who cares – we’re America.” I would argue that defying the status quo is what makes America great and on a smaller and more recent scale – Los Angeles.
So perhaps you are wearing a tank top to your improv troop’s turkey dinner, ordering Chinese Food with your life partner, barbecuing tofu dogs with your hairdresser, or doing Jello shots with Grampa (again). Maybe you’re having a family potluck, begging your friend to cook, or hopping random parties. You might be going to a single’s mixer, a couple’s get-together, or to your first finger-food networking soiree. It could be a Meetup meets Myspace gathering, your AA group’s buffet, or this year you’re refusing to partake in another dumb holiday. Even if you’re planning something that actually could be in a LL Bean catalog…it’s LA and it’s totally okay.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Can’t have a spell checked timely post EVERYDAY folks. Sometimes you just have to announce stuff:
Abby Taylor wrote a HYSTERICAL piece about liberals having a defective humor gene. Go here to check it out.
And I’m calling on all of you readers to send questions to Ask Tina., my advice posts.
Here are the archives if you want to check them out.
Now back to my errands…
Once you get outed online as being an ex-member of an infamous religious cult, you start to develop a habit of putting your name into search engines.
This time I found out that there is a rare breed of dog named Braque Dupuy.
I proudly announced this new found fact to my boyfriend.
To which he quipped,”I bet it’s neurotic.”
To which I asked,”Are you calling me fat?!?”
****
Comics as a rule are insane. Yeah, they look cool up there cracking jokes. They ARE ALL INSANE.
Take for example, a meeting I recently had with a personal manager. This man has represented or does represent some of my favorite comedians.
Here’s an excerpt from our conversation:
He said,”(Name deleted) is a brilliant comedian. No one would follow him at the Improv.”
What I heard was,”Tina, you suck.”
He said,”He is such a smart guy, went to (Ivy League School name deleted) you know?”
What I heard was,”Tina, you’re stupid and you suck.”
He said,”Even her BONES are funny.”
What I heard was,”Tina, your ‘funny bone’ is hacky. And you SUCK!”
****
I’m the kind of person that gets my feelings hurt when I don’t get spam for an hour.
Anyone? Just me?
I have no idea where this post is going.
I have an article in the print version of the LA Daily News today.
For some reason, it’s not on the website yet.
Check back later today for an update on that.
Cheers.
Today is a very religious day on the Catholic calender. Instead of one saint per day like the other religious holidays. Today we celebrate ALL of them.
I’ll pick a few:
GENESIUS of Rome: Patronage: actors, attorneys, barristers, clowns, comedians, comediennes, comics, converts, dancers, epilepsy, epileptics, lawyers, musicians, printers, stenographers, torture victims
Vitus:
Patronage: actors; against animal attacks; against dog bites; against lightning; against oversleeping; against storms; against wild beasts, comedians; comediennes; Czechoslovakia; dancers; dog bites; dogs; epilepsy; epileptics; Forio, Italy; lightning; oversleeping; Prague, Czech Republic; rheumatic chorea; Saint Vitus Dance; snake bites; storms; Vacha, Germany; Zeven, Germany
But enough of 4th Century Roman murder victims that are now the saints of comedians AND epileptics.
Lets get down to the real meaning of this holiday.
Yep. Diabetic comas!
Happy Halloween!
This is so weird. The only person that was ALSO getting a pop up ad was my cousin.
So the pop up ad apparently only targeted flat-chested, Cajun, slightly nerdy, book-worm, blond chicks with a dark sense of humor.
Even weirder, she’s only my cousin through marriage.
Deleted some code. Fixed it! Thanks guys!
When I open my site I’m getting a pop up ad.
This wouldn’t be bad, if I was getting ad money on this site but I’m not.
My theory is that it’s embedded in the code of something I put on my sidebar, or my browser has a case of the hiccups.
Anyone else getting a pop up here?
