Dear Tina:
My name is Katrina and ever since the hurricane people have been saying
bad things about me. What should I do?
Truly,
Not a Hurricane Katrina
Dear Not a Hurricane,
Damn. That must suck. My first thought is that you should start a support group for people named Katrina and people born on September 11th. You are the victims (albeit indirect) of national disasters, you should hang out with each other.
If it does get too much for you, you could always change your name. Yes, name changes aren’t just for people in the Witness Protection Program anymore. Our government does it ALL the time.
Especially when it comes to policy. When something doesn’t work the first time, just change what you call it so it can not work a second time.
For example:
The theory behind Iraqi Freedom, is actually “The Domino Theory” of the Eisenhower era. The ‘domino effect’ was that if Indo-China fell to communism, the entire region would follow. This justified the involvement in Vietnam. After the US left Vietnam, the theory never did prove itself.
But again, not called the same thing, the leaders of our country have stated over and over that if Iraq becomes a democracy – all of the middle east will follow. Pretty much the same principle. What’s in a name? A theory not working. If you don’t call it that – no one will remember.
Then there’s Trickle Down economics. I’m convinced that no one uses this phrase anymore because 80’s comedians started saying,”Trickle Down? They are literally telling us we are being pissed on.” And Washington got the message to change the name.
It’s now called simply ‘Tax Cuts’. The people receiving these cuts are the wealthy and that is supposed to benefit the rest of us. Same thing, different name.
The private sector, well somewhat private, can also benefit from this:
Creationism, which apparently sounded too stupid, is now Intelligent Design.
Anything called ‘anti’ was found to be ‘offensive’ and now has to be called ‘pro’ because it’s ‘defensive’. No one wants to be called a hate group when they feel they are hating the right people. Anti-black is now White Pride. Anti-gay is pro-family. Anti-women’s rights is now pro-traditional values. See, by the name, they don’t hate – they just LOVE with discretion.
So, Katrina, your name now brings up images of destruction and chaos. If you are not punk rock and don’t find that to be cool; change your name. Simple.
Just don’t change your name to Tina, because your track record stinks and history has a way of repeating itself.
Tina
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