Moderate Quake Shakes Southern California How was the quake for you? Brief, I didn’t even know what was going on, really. My dog is all freaked out. She probably needs medication. You traumatized my dog. Dog? Hmm. I was trying to get people to not take me for granted. Well, Earth you really let people… Continue reading
Dear Tina, I have a crush on this guy in my lit class. How can I get him to notice me? Desperate in Dallas Dear Desperate, Two words: Self-immolation He’ll notice you. Send your questions about life, love and social phenomenon to Ask Tina.
Christina Aguilera as Torture And when he fell asleep, they woke him “by dropping water on his head or playing Christina Aguilera music. What electrocuting genitals can’t do – you CAN, Christina. And your country is proud of you. Oh such a wonderful premise for pop culture jokes. Such an easy way to talk about… Continue reading
I’m not only a member – I’m also a client!
There is this performer, he was HUGE back in the ’80’s. His name is Michael Jackson. There was this little trial, something about him sleeping with children. Anyway, since there has been little to no coverage on this news story, I feel as a comedy blogger, a responsibility to report the story. Micheal Jackson was… Continue reading
This was taken by the super talented Duane Peck. Once I’ve recovered from the party… Let me get back to you on the one.
I’m forcing myself to celebrate my birthday this weekend. Time to leave my little – size of a closet – office and get out in the real world. That’s right. Hang out in a place where no one is doing stand up in the other room. Hang out in a place where I’m not doing… Continue reading
Another comedian (Eugene Mirman) beat me to the punch on this one. Hysterical article. Conservative Phone Company Exploits Wedge Issues for Profit UAT: UAT, Mr. Mirman, is the only carrier that is taking an active stand against same-sex marriages and hardcore child pornography. MIRMAN: I think all child pornography is hardcore … It’s all wrong…. Continue reading
In 1692 Port Royal, Jamaica (the wickedest city in the world) sank into the ocean because of a massive earthquake. It’s Pirates of the Caribbean meets Escape from LA – with straight men wearing tights. And Liam Neeson, Prince, Tom Jones, Dean Martin and I were born. Hmm…
Anne, you were STUNNING.
One of the MANY theories about the assassination of JFK was that it was Lyndon Johnson (his VP) that orchestrated the whole thing. President Kennedy was shot in Texas, where Johnson was from. Texas is where Johnson had fixed a couple of elections to get himself into power in the first place. Since Johnson retired… Continue reading
This is Vector. This is the effect my comedy has on people. Get your own shirt here.
Using Vitamin E can make you look ten years younger. It gave me pimples and appalling fashion sense! Amazing how well it works! Unrequited crushes on dimwitted jocks – here I come!