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The Year in Review 2003

On January 3, 2004, in Topical Jokes Graveyard, Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

Is it possible to have a happy new year with out reviewing the last one first? I don’t think so.

2003 was the 500th birthday of alleged prophet Nostradamus. Leave it to a French man to spend half a millennia saying,”I told you so,” every time a war breaks out.

It was also the 40th anniversary of the shooting of JFK. Some conspiracy theorists claim that a big oil man from Texas who stole an election to rise to power was responsible for the murder (i.e. Lyndon Johnson). I say it’s apropos for the Democrats to assassinate their own (i.e. the 2004 Democratic nomination race). So the theorists might be onto something.

Mr. Rogers died and the grave of Dr. Suess was trampled and spit upon by Mike Myers.

Strom Thurmond’s illegitimate half black daughter came out at a press conference, making all of us that love public figure hypocrisy – very happy!

SARS, Monkey Pox, the flu and Mad Cow claimed more headlines than ever before. Bringing home the motto: If it sneezed – it leads.

As for me personally; 2003 was the year I started my web log. So far I have a solid fan base of 3 people (well, one if you don’t count those related to me). And I look forward to doubling that number in the new year.

Happy New Year!!!

Weapons of Mass Deception

On December 19, 2003, in Political Dribble, Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

Saddam is caught. The world is saved from terror. Yippee. If you really love someone – buy them a Lexus this Xmas.

Now it’s time for WHAM! Winning the Hearts And Minds of Iraqis. I like how we sell foreign countries what we call ‘propaganda’ but our news is fair and balanced. (come on Fox – SUE ME)

Mr. Bush – you can win my mind by answering some questions:

Why did we invade Iraq? Because they have WMD? Okay, why not North Korea? Because they have WMD. What was the Cold War all about? WMD. WE DONT INVADE COUNTRIES THAT ARE ARMED!!! We have stand offs that last decades!!! The US invades countries that have NO CHOICE but to engage in gorilla warfare.

No, really – why did we preemptively invade Iraq? Because theyre terrorists? Terrorism is the new communism. Im waiting for the black list. No, really I am. I’ll name names. I think Ben Affleck is a terrorist. What senator can I talk to about him no longer working?

So how long are we going to occupy (I dont care what word you use – its an occupation) Iraq? Now, Saddam was no Nazi (Nazis actually HAD WMD and were willing to use them), but after Hitler died, the war was over. The Allies had to occupy Germany for HOW MANY YEARS!?! We’re STILL there! I heard that we’ll pull out by June. What June of 2053?!?

Bush you ‘WHAM’ed yourself. You had every opportunity possible to be a GREAT president. But because of your personal GREED you sold the country to the highest bidder. KBR – aka Halliburton!

Alphabet City, The Secret Service and NASCAR

On December 10, 2003, in Topical Jokes Graveyard, Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

These are my jokes for this week….

Twice divorced presidential candidate Kucinich has a website set up to find him a new wife. He has received over 80 essays of women that want to date him! That is TWICE the amount of people that said they would vote for him.

The Secret Service is looking at some stolen Eminem lyrics, that talks about a dead president. But dont worry music fans, if he’s really a conspirator against the US, no matter how many videos he releases – we’ll never be able to find him.

Other stuff…

I was recently invited to be a contributing editor for Watchblog.com. The site has three columns: one for the Republicans, one for the Independents and one for the Democrats. Im a part of an experiment to have a satirist/comedian contributor. Ive already got my first piece of hate mail. The thing that really makes me mad is that the hate mail is funnier than anything Ive written. All Ive ever wanted was hate mail. It means someone is paying attention – and you inspire emotion.

Speaking of hate: I cant watch the Democratic debates anymore. Im swearing off. Im a debate junkie and Im going cold turkey. I just cant do it anymore. It’s like watching NASCAR, youre hoping for blood, but more than likely it will just go around and around until youre dizzy and nauseated.

The only cool thing that happened last night is when Dean said,”If you guys are upset that Al Gore is endorsing me, attack me, don’t attack Al Gore.” It was the moment when I realized that this guy is an actual leader. It at least curbed the whining for a couple of sound bites. Round and round they go…

I saw the ‘musical’ Rent last night. This was the first time Ive seen it, mainly because Ive been too busy BEING a starving artist to afford to see a play about it. The first thing apparent is that this is my generations version of Hair. Of course, in Hair everyone is making love and dying in a foreign country. Rent, everyone is shooting smack and dying of AIDS in this country. Such a celebration. I lived Alphabet City in the summer of ‘95 where Rent takes place. It was just like the play – the music was terrible and screaming passed for singing.

Democratic and Republican Cookies, Drug Addicts and The Charleston

On December 2, 2003, in Political Dribble, Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

The summer before my senior year of high school I got an internship at Congressman George Miller’s office (Democrat in Northern California). It was the summer of 1992. It was back in the days when you could say you were an intern and no one would snicker. BTW thanks Monica, happy 30th birthday – you vacuous shill!

Anyway, it was the Year of the Woman and an exhilarating time to be a female and/or a Democrat. One of my duties as an intern was attending events. The Democratic Central Committee had an event that reminded me of a high school pep rally. They had Barbara Boxer boxer shorts for sale. They made a batch of Republican and Democratic cookies to taste. (note: Hillary’s cookie recipe tasted like pretzels with carob chips – but the Republican cookies were fantastic!) The presidential candidate was young, inspiring and well – YOUNG. George Bush senior was getting crabbier by the second and it looked like The Greatest Generation’s time had passed.

Cut to: twelve years later: What happened to the Democrats? You have one impeachment trial and everyone gets all too apologetic. See, Dr. Laura preaches abstinence and ‘clean living’ and has very explicit nude photographs of herself all over the web. Rush Limbaugh had condemned drug addicts for years and well…we hope the people in rehab were nice to him. What I’m trying to say is that when you’re a liberal – at least when you find yourself in a scandal – you’re not a hypocrite – you’re just a liberal. So stop apologizing!!! It’s just like when Republican’s get caught in white collar crimes – they’re Republicans – what do you expect?

But now the left is angry. Al Franken is angry. Michael Moore is angry. The presidential candidates are too busy being political to be angry. Well, Howard Dean is angry. COOL. It’s about time a Democrat got angry. It’s about time Americans got angry. There’s a lot to be angry about.

First off: questioning one’s patriotism when one questions the president and his policies has really gotten me ANGRY. Isn’t the basis of democracy opposing views and majority rules? What happened to the nation if we can’t say that George Bush is a screw up (or if you Kerry you would call him a ‘fuck up’)without our leanings being challenged? What is this – the 1950’s with cyber porn? COME ON.

I think there should be a rule that the only people that CAN’T criticize Bush are people that own stock in Halliburton. Everyone else should be able to get a shot in. It should be a part of our patriotic duty.

While we’re at it – now that I think of it all of us non-Halliburton stock holders shouldn’t have to obey the speed limit on freeways. We should be able to litter in places like Beverly Hills and receive a thank you note for it. ONE POSTAL CLERK PER EVERY TWO NON-HALLIBURTON STOCK HOLDERS!!! A free toaster perhaps? Or we should all get a paid vacation until we elect Howard Dean.

You know he’s going to be elected – unless Bush changes the constitution to let the Supreme Court elect him AGAIN.

In case you’re curious, I emailed Karl Frisch the Multimedia Communications Director the Dean Campaign and Dean doesn’t own any Halliburton stock. There’s another reason to be angry. At least Dean doesn’t seem so much like a politician. He seems more like a union agitator from the days of the Wobblies. You know, the first unskilled labor union in the country? No one gets that reference. Come to think of it – why do I know that? Anyway, trust me – he’s like those turn-of-the-last-century agitators – because he’s angry and he says things that NEED to be said. Now if I can just convince him to wear some knickers to a speak easy and do the Charleston until dawn.

Canadian Secession Part Two

On November 22, 2003, in Political Dribble, Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

The House of Representatives passed an anti-spam bill 392-5. The argument is that spam is annoying.

Praise God – the government FINALLY cares about us being ANNOYED. I’m writing my congress person as we speak to keep me from being annoyed further BY CONGRESS!!!

Requests…things I find annoying:

Dont criminalize sending mass emails about enlarging my penis – CRIMINALIZE CORPORATE CRIME! Throw those fuckers in jail. What they have to PAY A FINE? The irony ANNOYS me.

Pass a law that ROAD WORK cant happen during rush hour – it’s annoying.

De-criminalize drugs – so I dont have to hear about their life sentences on NPR – it’s annoying.

Make my dog stop shedding ALL WINTER long – it’s annoying.

Stop the semi-retarded from having conversations on their cell phones at grocery stores – it’s annoying.

How about not letting the defense or the press put Kobe Bryant’s accuser’s picture on the COVER OF THE TABLOIDS – It’s so annoying – Ive lost sleep over it.

I want every gun owner to take an IQ test – if they dont hit triple digits – they should only be able to buy a Super Soaker. You shouldn’t even be able to mutter,”constitutional rights” unless you can actually READ the constitution. That’s more than annoying – it’s frightening.

Spam is advertising, and like my rant about the ‘Do-Not-Call’ List – it obviously works. People find a porno advertisement and hit the link. I dont like advertising. I dont like billboards. I dont like advertisements on the floors of grocery stores. I really RESENT that I have to endure 20 minutes (or more) of commercials for every hour of TV. It’s the same thing. It’s UNSOLICITED. But really, when do we SOLICIT advertising? Isn’t that the ENTIRE POINT of advertising? To get you to buy things you didnt really think you wanted, but now are convinced you need?

Let’s talk about things that are unsolicited. How about unsolicited HELP for the House of Representatives? I have spam blocker software! I DON’T NEED THE GOVERNMENT TO STOP SPAM! If the program fails I can click delete!!! Thanks, but no thanks. Stick to bombing foreigners, giving aide to Halliburton and mucking airport security! That’s what I pay you for!

I’m sure Americans (those that actually have internet access) will sleep better know that spammers are behind bars. And we can all have a sigh of relief that the HOR cares if we’re annoyed. Let’s put Canadian secession on the ballot while were at it.

If You Dont Like President Bush – You Enjoy Terrorism

On November 21, 2003, in Political Dribble, Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

Bush is getting protested in Britain. How do you get your ALLIES to build an effigy of you and topple it? That must be pure talent.

To me it’s like when my mother would bring home a boyfriend my brother and I didnt like. He would come over to the house and we’d dress up like Guantanamo Bay detainees and hold up signs calling him a terrorist. It really got our message across. Just wait, after Bush storms out of the country Blair will say,”You never like anyone I bring over! You WANT ME TO BE ALONE, DONT YOU!?!”

Bush is launching TV ads because his ratings are lower. “Some are now attacking the president for attacking the terrorists.” It says.

Translation: “If you dont like President Bush – you enjoy terrorism.” It’s like those IQ tests on logic: Bush hates terrorists. People hate Bush. Therefore all people that hate Bush must be terrorists. True? False?

Let’s try some more:

Americans enjoy smoke screens. Bush utilizes smoke screens most of the time. Therefore all Americans enjoy Bush as president.

Corporate corruption is in Texas. Bush is from Texas. Most corporate corruption can be linked to Bush.

Approval ratings go up when our country is attacked. Attacks on our country inspire fear. Therefore Bush likes FEAR.

Americans have the right to criticize their leaders. Bush calls his critics un-American. Therefore all Americans that exercise their rights are un-American.

Now that I think of it: Where are the anti-war protesters in this country? The war isnt over. The BRITISH know that. The government declared the war over and the dissenters AGREED!!! The number of US deaths in Iraq has surpassed the number of American soldiers killed during the first two years of the Vietnam War. We’ve had more soldiers killed since Baghdad fell than prior! Im not going to mention the number of Iraqi deaths because I cant find that statistic anywhere.

What happened to the voice of dissention? Did they all go back to smoking weed, watching South Park and downloading the latest celebrity porno? The peace sign has been bought out by Verizon and they all give up and smugly surmise that they are like Thoreau with TiVo?

American dissention has stopped. The British protests are entertaining. Therefore the American anti-war movement is being out shown by FOREIGNERS!

Mrs. Fields, My Grama and Mars

On November 16, 2003, in Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

Dr. John Gray – the man that forever creeped out popular culture with his Trekkie take on relationships. You know…the “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” book series. He is a FRAUD. That’s right, not only is he NOT a doctor from any college that isnt imaginary – he’s never even been to Venus or Mars!! How could you America? How could you let this twice divorced pudgy dork – that’s never even left the Earth’s atmosphere – become a relationship guru? We should be ashamed.

This leads me to my next thought – Dr. Phil. Rule number one: dont buy a weight loss product when a photo of a man with a double chin graces the packaging. Mrs. Fields looks better. Hell, Al Roker looks better. If you want to lose weight simply put a picture of Dr. Phil (preferably in something form fitting) in the dining area of your home. Guaranteed appetite reducer. Or maybe that’s the point of putting his PICTURE on weight loss products.

All we do in this country is obsess about how fat we are. We should be grateful. There are starving people in Beverly Hills dying each day!

Anyway, I just found out one of the two people that reads my blog is my grandmother. Hi Grama – I stopped cursing on my blog for you. I know, I used the word ‘hell’ but that’s not really considered cursing in California (she’s from Mississippi, when she stubs her toe she says,”Jimminy Cricket” or “Crips”). Anyway, she not only knows html – she has her own website (the link is above). She’s so cute.

Some of my family, older, conservative – sweet – Catholic – that live in Louisiana wanted to come see my show. They said,”Youre family and family needs support.” That’s all well and good – but most family members dont open for wet t-shirt contests. When I moved to Los Angeles to pursue my dream, that’s not what ANY of us had in mind.

The Ten Commandments, Larry Flynt and the 3rd Horseman

On November 11, 2003, in Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

I just got back from Baton Rouge for a weekend gig. If youve found my blog through there – youre only welcome if you didnt wear a cowboy hat – at night – inside a comedy club! That’s right – if the sun isnt out and youre not wrestling your dinner – take the hat off. There it’s been said. (not to their face of course – because they scare me – but DEFINITELY behind their backs).

Here’s my take on that whole confederate flag controversy: ‘Ya’ll LOST!! That’s right. If you find yourself being offended by the symbol because it’s the ‘American swastika’ – it’s not American – that analogy is false. It’s OLD SCHOOL anti-American. It’s anti of every thing America stands for – first off the ‘united’ in the United States. If the South would have won the US would be like Eastern Europe – and well we’d have a German Flag to fly right about now. So let them be disenfranchised Dean – theyre too retarded to know theyre flying a symbol of historic LOSERS.

Speaking of southern fried retards: Dont get all huffy about taking down the Ten Commandments and be anti-Semitic. I’ll clue you all in THEYRE JEWISH. You can’t even be on the fence about the Jews and preach the Ten Commandments – YOU GOT THEM FROM THEM!!!

Now lets talk about Jessica Lynch. A story out today says that Larry Flynt (pornographer and one of many that ran for governor of California) bought naked pictures of Lynch. He said he bought them not to publish them but to keep them out of publication. In a press release he stated, “Jessica Lynch is being used as a pawn by the media and by the government to create a hero who can sell this war to the American people.” It’s a dark day when a pornography makes more sense than the pentagon. That and Mr. Flynt has learned the first rule of road comedy – if no one is listening – go blue (ie dick jokes) and then they’ll listen.

But wait – Larry Porno King Flynt is treating Jessica Lynch with more respect as a woman than her biographer??!!?? This is the 3rd Horseman! Her biographer went into sordid details about her alleged sexual assault and scored high points on the sensationalism scale and Larry Flynt is opposed to exploiting her?!? Im waiting for the frogs to start raining from the sky. (I love mixed biblical references.)

Berkeley, the KKK and a DEA conference

On October 29, 2003, in Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

Howard Dean told a group of Coloradians today that he was a ‘metrosexual’. Which is basically saying youre straight but gay friendly.

He said this to a group of people in Colorado!!! Remember that Colorado in 1992 was the only state in the union that the VOTERS passed a law to legally discriminate against gay people. That’s like wearing a PETA t-shirt in Texas. Speaking against the Patriot Act at a conference of DEA officers (think about it). Or being at a KKK rally and saying that mix marriages are what make American great. Thank you for not being political and just being a metrosexual.

I made a joke about the anti-war protesters in Berkeley while in San Francisco – oh sure they preach non-violence – but wait till you make fun of them and then they want to kick your ass.

He’s not a ‘C’ student. He actually did well enough in school (without his daddy’s help) to be a doctor. I think this speaks well of education. I think he should have signs on all colleges around the country,”Deans for Dean.” Okay, so it’s not ‘laugh out loud’ funny but this is a blog (the most unpolished form of publication save graffiti) and I could do a lot worse.

Mike Myers, reading the bible and Y2K

On October 28, 2003, in Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

Okay, I live in Los Angeles. A couple of weeks ago the grocery stores and busses went on strike. Not wanting to cross a picket line, Ive gone only to Trader Joes (theyre non-union). Because of the strike Trader Joes is a madhouse. The shelves have been picked bare like Y2K actually happened. There were two little old ladies fighting over a package of goat pastrami. It was ugly. And on the drive home – the worst traffic Ive ever seen.

On top of that there was a heat wave. In the triple digits way into Oct. Then the fires started. Now there’s a blacker haze over the city. My sinuses feel like Ive sucked on an exhaust pipe. And there is STILL the worst traffic Ive ever seen.

So I have spent 3 times as many hours in my day in traffic. My radio doesnt work even though I have new speakers (I cant figure it out), so I just sit and read bumper stickers. I need to talk about these bumper stickers. “War is not the answer.” War isnt the answer? Well neither is a BUMPER STICKER! If you want to be political – write your congressman – because a stickers is not cutting it. Im tired of the ‘Save the world’ bumper stickers on cars when its obviously NOT meant to be sarcastic. “Read the Bible” “Think Green” “Join Ah-nold” Has there ever been anyone in the history of the Universe whose mind has been changed by one line of print on glossy sticky tape? Has anyone ever decided to PRACTICE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS because some jerk that just cut you off has that on their car?!? Do people get moved emotionally by seeing Calvin peeing on different things? NO.

Ever known someone that ONLY says things theyve heard on television or movies? Theyre like a parrot that has been subjected to all of Mike Myers movies. “Yeah – Baby!” That’s what bumper stickers are – theyre fundamentally from their very premise HACKY! COME ON – SAY SOMETHING ORIGINAL PEOPLE!!! For my sake – please – my stupid radio wont work!!

Fuzzy Math, Gigli investors, and Howard Dean’s Pledge Drive

On October 10, 2003, in Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

According to Bush’s speech to reservists and National Guardsmen (people that are awaiting orders to ship off to Baghdad) in New Hampshire, the war in Iraq is going,”A lot better than you probably think.”

This is leadership in its finest hour. I hope this becomes his campaign slogan. “George Bush 2004, A Lot Better Than You Probably Think.”

It’s like the producer of Gigli telling all of their investors,”This movie is a lot better than you probably think.” Ah, it kind of has to be true.

Bush’s entire tenure is marked by the ‘kind of true’. You know – fuzzy math. He kind of won an election. He kind of was a war hero. He kind of ‘helped’ the economy. He kind of got international support for the invasion of Iraq. He kind of destroyed Saddam. But really, not really…you know. That made more sense than you probably think.

Im addicted to the Democratic Debates. I watched the one last night. First – Judy Woodruff needs to sit down and stop blocking camera shots of candidates and making the whole event feel as awkward as her gape. Unless youre going to hold up score cards are poke the candidates that are boring – SIT DOWN.

I have no party affiliations. The republicans are FOR the death penalty and AGAINST abortions. The democrats are AGAINST the death penalty and FOR abortions. It’s really all the same dribble after a while. The republicans used to be for small government – but the Bush Administration has the largest government in the history of the country and stands on platforms like more Big Fat Wars – that are blatantly Big Government.

You know why fucknuts get elected in this country? Because all we have are two fucknuts and they cause extreme political apathy and the majority stay home on voting day. What we need is a candidate that doesnt make people want to vote for them but makes people want to VOTE. That’s the only good thing I can say about Arnold. Yeah, he’s a puppet and up there on the fucknut meter – but at least he got people to the polls. Yeah, he’s a trite HACK, but at least he impassioned a majority of voters to actually VOTE.

Im swaying towards Howard Dean. I like what Al Sharpton does to the debates, but I’d never vote for him. I like Dean because in the debate with the Black Caucus, when asked what his favorite song was, he chose some obscure song he possibly really preferred than a song that had a political message in the title. Because the other candidates are stuffed shirts saying things you’d expect from a stuffed shirt. It’s because people that have never given money to a political candidate have given Dean $20 bucks or so. Which makes his campaign more like a NPR or PBS pledge drive – commercial free with an independent spirit and a full of words that Bush would have to look up.

So everyone should vote next year because the political process ‘is a lot better than you probably think’.

Interview with God

On September 19, 2003, in Favorites, Political Dribble, Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

In a pursuit of a story – reporters sometimes have to go to the ends of the universe to get a story. Well, this reporter has done just that. I secured an interview with the source. Last week I had an exclusive interview with God.

TD: Hello God, uh can I call you God?

G: Of course.

TD: Thank you for your time.

G: Not at all. I would have done this interview with Dateline but they bumped me a for a segment on Whitney Houston.

TD: Yikes.

G: It’s okay, dear – go ahead.

TD: Well, God you are seen as a bit of an ogre by some of your constituents.

G: Am I really? I’ve always seen myself as more of a practical joker.

TD: A practical joker? Would you care to elaborate?

G: Well, the King of rock and roll died on the ‘throne’. I thought that was pretty much inspired. Uhm, Graves’ disease is not fatal–

TD: It’s not?

G: Dr. Graves discovered a disease that bears his name yet is not fatal. I thought it would be funny…in a morbid type of way perhaps.

TD: Any recent practical jokes that we should be aware of?

G: Oh yes! Recently the US military needed Arabic translators – they asked for them and I provided. I sent them oh – half a dozen. But *giggle* they were all openly gay and got dishonorably discharged. Isn’t that funny?

TD: More ironic I think.

G: Well my humor is more in that vein.

TD: God doesn’t like slapstick?

G: Human’s created slapstick – God created irony.

TD: Yes, back to the gay issue. Doesn’t it say in the bible that homosexuality is forbidden?

G: It says a lot of things in the bible.

TD: Didn’t you write the bible?

G: Yes I wrote the bible. I’ve also written a billion other books, essays, articles and grocery lists. I’m a ghost writer – pardon the pun. Think of all the Greek Tragedies – Homer’s Odyssey – I’ve done some great work. The bible is just one book – one book that only 3 people – all of whom were in jail at the time have read from cover to cover. You’ve never read it all the way through have you?

TD: I’m assuming you know the answer to that.

G: Sorry, it’s an obvious sore spot. I wrote the Koran too you know.

TD: That brings me to the next question: what do you think of all the different religions and interpretations of you?

G: Oh, I like it.

TD: You do?

G: Here’s another bit of brilliance on my part. You see humans are so terribly boring. They are all basically all the same. They like sex, food and sleep – day in day out. They all have the same fears, the same instincts – they’re just all little carbon copies – pardon another pun – of each other. Imagine if you will, there was only one breed of dog on earth. Imagine 6 billion Yorkshire terriers? Wouldn’t that be dull? So, my attempt was to make it interesting. Put some color in the world. I’ve just never liked uniform prayer – you know – mix it up a little.

TD: Yeah, but what about Holy Wars?

G: If you think it’s not funny when they meet me and I inform them that their enemy and them have the same God – oh it’s a priceless gag.

TD: What about atheists?

G: Atheists? Hmm yes. Well unless they’ve been in the trenches – I don’t believe in them.

Johnny Cash

On September 13, 2003, in Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

The Man in Black has left us. The world sucks now.

Iraq’s Potholes and Canadian Secession

On September 9, 2003, in Political Dribble, Uncategorized, by Tina Dupuy

I got a SPAM email today announcing that I can put my name on the national ‘Do Not Call List’. Let me say this again: I got an unsolicited EMAIL about stopping UNSOLICITED phone calls. Im looking forward to the PHONE CALL about signing something to encourage the government to stop spam.

The thing that really bugs me is the totally pointless nature of this issue. The ‘do not call list’ is one of those bipartisan political platforms that EVERYONE has to agree on. It’s like standing on the position that pedophiles should be put in prison. Everyone can agree upon it (unless youre an archbishop – then that’s not cool apparently).

But MORE it’s like the products on late night infomercials where they claim their product can do AMAZING things then you read the small print at the bottom of the screen and all the testimonials are by actors and ‘results not typical – yours may vary’. Because really, the only people that call me are companies that I have purchased from in the last 18 months, politicians and non-profit organizations. The cases exempt for the ‘do not call’ list ARE companies youve purchased from within the last 18 months, politicians and not for profit organizations.

What does this list do? NOTHING. It’s like the airport security taking away a knife youre trying to get on the plane only for a flight attendant to give you a KNIFE with your first class meal(Uh yeah, if you think Im kidding, click here)!! NOTHING.

So what are you going to do about an unsolicited phone call that DOESNT fall into those three categories? Report them to the authorities? NO. Youre either going to buy whatever they have to sell (which is why they call – because SOMEONE somewhere buys freshly minted coins with certified authenticity) or HANG UP ON THEM like everyone else.

As far as everyone whining about being interupted during dinner – USE YOUR ANSWERING MACHINE – THAT IS WHY YOU BOUGHT IT! You already spent money to screen callers – use it.

I rather my tax dollars be stolen and used for CRACK than this FLUFF. I said it. I’d be happier knowing that some POTHOLE in Iraq was being filled in with platinum just for kicks than man hours spent on the ‘do not call’ list.

Signing up for this list is as stupid as signing a petition to let Canada secede from the Union and just as effective.

Tina Dupuy