This is so weird. The only person that was ALSO getting a pop up ad was my cousin.
So the pop up ad apparently only targeted flat-chested, Cajun, slightly nerdy, book-worm, blond chicks with a dark sense of humor.
Even weirder, she’s only my cousin through marriage.
Deleted some code. Fixed it! Thanks guys!
When I open my site I’m getting a pop up ad.
This wouldn’t be bad, if I was getting ad money on this site but I’m not.
My theory is that it’s embedded in the code of something I put on my sidebar, or my browser has a case of the hiccups.
Anyone else getting a pop up here?
Alright, dear readers, you hard-core die-hards:
I made the Sunday LA Daily News Op/Ed page. You can read it here.
Cheers.
Update: It’s a couple of bucks to access an article in the archives. I’ve posted the entire article here for free. (You could always throw a couple of bucks in my PayPal account, just to be cool. Thanks!)
All Elections are Special: Please Don’t Vote
I just received my special election ballot package in the mail. I am an absentee voter. Why? Is it because my rock and roll lifestyle doesn’t permit any kind of commitment? Do I have an unexplainable aversion to places where “I voted” stickers are handed out? Did I choose to have a voting experience comparable to Netflix?
Actually, none of the above. The answer is that I live in a precinct where there are LESS THAN 250 registered voters.
When I first was informed of this, I was stunned. I live in the 6th largest urban area in the world. Right smack dab in the middle of Los Angeles. I was going to say ‘heart of Los Angeles’ but let’s not be silly…what heart? Anyway, to be specific, I live in Echo Park/Silverlake.
Big city, with lots of different people, that speak lots of different languages – with too few stereotypes to go around. When people think of LA, they think gangbanger or buxom blond. Here’s another one: politically apathetic. Someone once said to me that people in LA don’t even know the name of the mayor. I’ve done some research: The mayor is Giuliani or something. Whoever it is – he’s six degrees from Kevin Bacon. Isn’t everyone?
Since I’m not a gangbanger and have never been referred to as ‘buxom’, it takes little for me to seem different. I’m not politically apathetic. I know who the mayor is. Not only am I registered to vote – I know the name of my congressional representative. I’ve even emailed him. Mainly because when you live in Los Angeles, you can never have enough important people IGNORING you.
The sanctity of democracy has been touted in the War on Terror. Our leaders in Washington speak of it as a blanket cure all for political strife. We are spreading democracy. Meaning, we are preemptively attacking sovereign nations so that their citizens will/can vote. Where are our purple fingers in Los Angeles? My figurative inked finger has wagged at those that aren’t registered. “Shame on you. Vote or die! Blahahaha!” My nagging, as with most, has yet to make ONE person decide to go to the polls.
Most politicians will give lip service to this: everyone that is eligible should vote.
You should vote. You should vote for someone who tells you what you should do. You should buy plastic sheeting and duct tape. You shouldn’t smoke, over eat or get an abortion. You should obey the law and love God and country.
The catch-22 of living in a (still) free country is that you CAN choose not to participate in the democratic process and not listen to any of our politicians about how to live your life. Candidly the 2004 Get Out The Vote Campaign became as preachy as the Drug Free America PSAs. The mind-numbing commercials brought my Tivo and I closer than ever.
I stopped my nagging and began re-thinking this issue. Why is it important to get people out to vote? Why is mob rule made to sound so appealing?
When Gray Davis was recalled, the voter lines looked like a premier. People lined up around the block and waited for hours to participate in the event. Huge voter turn out and what happened? Our governor is a movie star.
How embarrassing. California – its Ballot meets Box Office!
Let’s put it this way, if Harriet Miers were a movie star, no one would utter the word “unqualified”. Instead we would all enjoy making puns with the titles of her movies as she got sworn in.
So don’t vote.
You won’t DIE, regardless of what Puffy told you.
You have the right as an American to not participate. You have a stereotype as an Angeleno to live up to. You don’t have to vote. What it means for the process is that instead of mass hysteria – we’ll have fractional hysteria. And the great thing about fractional hysteria is the comfort of blaming low voter turnout.
Don’t ruin that.
Today’s post: some things I found on what we used to call The Information Super Highway and now I just refer to as Intellectual Quicksand (whatever you do – don’t struggle).
A DeLay’d Re-action.
The infamous smug shot of Tom DeLay. When the Harris County Jail photographer takes your picture, it shouldn’t look like an ad for Colgate Whitening Toothpaste. No matter how many times you’ve been indicted and not convicted.
Other news:
“The Criminalization of Politics” the new sound byte for the troubled GOP.
It’s the “Weapons of mass destruction” for Fall 2005.
Okay, when leaders screw up it’s ‘politicizing’ to point it out. Like during Katrina when there were people STILL stuck on their roof tops and in the Super Dome and Mike Brown needed more than 20-minutes to eat his meals. Don’t politcize FEMA, a national tragedy.
When leaders are making slim to mediocre arguments for war for example , it’s again ‘politicizing‘. My question is: How does one not politicize war? It’s like watering the ocean.
Now it’s ‘Criminalization of Politics’. Which hidden in that sound byte, means that the outing of Valerie Plame was a casualty of the business of politics. Friendly fire. It’s equating it to an innocuous little mud slinging. Oh, boys will be boys!
We don’t BREAK laws because we MAKE laws. You can’t criminalize crime – because that would make us criminals. If you legalize the law – then it won’t be illegal.
You can just FEEL George Orwell and Hunter S. Thompson’s irritation from their graves.
And in the other strange, yet amusing story I found today:
Finally twins creepier than the Olsens.
These two from the group “Prussian Blue” are the Double Mint Gum of the White Nationalist Movement.
In an effort of full disclosure: I fully see the irony of hating hate groups, but I don’t care – I hate Nazis.
Clips of their ‘music’ are available here.
And uhm, apparently these 13-year-olds can’t yet pronounce their ‘R’s.
Which makes them wacists.
Okay, the way I see it – Karl Rove has gotten in trouble for leaking information to his pal Bob Novak before. The great thing about a group of people that are as committed to cronyism as the Bush Administration – “The Blame Game for Plame” becomes circular after a while, with hints of ‘others’ involved.
Washington Post Oct. 20, 2005
Rove has also testified that he also heard about Plame from someone else outside the White House, but could not recall who.
It sounds awfully similar to what I said the first time my mother found pot in my room. “It’s not MINE – it’s my friend’s. BUT, not any friend you KNOW about – someone else – whose name I forgot….It’s their weed.”
Come on Karl, I know that the Jeff Gannon plant didn’t work out – but you’d think you’d get a better story together than one I came up with when I was high.
I had a show at a college on Orange County at noon. Comedy at noon. Hitting morning commuter traffic is very weird when you’re a comic.
Anyway, I’m going to put this on my sidebar, but I thought I would announce it here first:
I love comedy. I love stand up. I love it. I love working. I love writing. I love the traveling. It’s the coolest thing I could think to do with my life.
Comedians, for the most part are terrible people. I have had other comics be incredibly evil to me. The less successful the comedian – the bigger the douche bag. If it wasn’t for politicians – comedians would be the scummiest people on earth.
However, I have had truly wonderful comedians, give freely of their time with no thought of personal gain. They have helped me get work and become a better stand up. I have had several mentors since I started.
So I wanted to make myself available for any questions any newbies or newer-than-mes might have about stand up. I enjoy talking shop, so if you caught the bug – you can email me about it. Whatever I can do to help.
Now I must nap. And then start the count down until Fitzgerald announces his findings….
I have had friends on reality shows. Oh, I knew a guy that was on that gay bachelor show, the one no one watched and I forgot the name of. More people than I’ll admit to knowing have been on Blind Date. For the last couple of years it has seemed like you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a recruiter for a reality show.
The best one I have seen so far is a reality show for out of work television writers. I’M NOT KIDDING. Writers, to star in the genre that retarded the career they could have had. Brilliant.
That was my sign that the reality show craze was imploding in on itself (is there any other kind of imploding?).
Martha and Paris TV flops signal end of reality shows
Television industry insiders in America are quietly acknowledging this weekend that a trend long predicted but never quite proven may at last be coming true: the appetite of the viewing public for reality television shows has finally been sated.
I’m sated? You sated?
Bring on the fiction!
Or the real fiction…
There are some fictions I’m over. The Bush Administration’s Reality Series: From faked town meetings, to scripted conversations with troops, to government sponsored columnists, to planted journalists in the press core. All way more egregious than Laura Bush being on Extreme Make-Over Home Edition. At least that is HONESTLY faked.
I’m also over the teasers to keep us tuned in. I’m tired of the Bird Flu, Monkey Pox, SARS, Anthrax, Mad Cow, Small Pox, Terror Alerts, Cholera, erectile dysfunction and West Nile Virus. I’m not down with the sickness. What ever happened to the hole in the ozone and killer bees? Any follow-ups on that? All of this press and you are STILL more likely to be murdered by your spouse – unless you are gay, then it’s your non-sanctified ‘life-partner’ that is more likely to kill you. Because marriage is protected.
This is why acid isn’t as popular as it used to be. You don’t have to have a bad trip to wonder what reality you’re living in or when you will come back. Just watch television for a day. It’s mind blowing.
This is a clip of a show in North Carolina.
Now, I should probably tell you that, I was having a really good time. HOWEVER, there were these two guys sitting right next to my camera in the back of the room talking. They got progressively LOUDER. If you watch the whole tape you can hear them striking out with some chicks sitting near the back.
Basically, they ruined what could have been a decent audition tape. Which sucks.
Anyway, I share this with you all for you to see a side of comedy that doesn’t get broadcast very often. What do you do when some drunk idiot saunters in during your set to pick up on women…
Enjoy!
Clip
The whole world is a stage when you’re George W.
Bush’s approval ratings might be below 40% among most Americans. Plummeting to 2% among African Americans.
But a new poll found that Bush’s popularity among cyborgs, robots and pod people is steady at 99%.
“Some people call you soulless products of science fiction – but I call you my base.” The president told his most staunch supporters.
“Thank you very much for everything,” they replied. “We like you.”
The poll also revealed that among these sci-fi constituents close to 100% believe:
-Harriet Miers is MORE than qualified to be on the Supreme Court.
-The war in Iraq is well planned and going wonderfully.
-Tom DeLay is the victim of a political witch hunt.
-Karl Rove is the victim of a political witch hunt.
-Bill Frist is the victim of a political witch hunt.
-President Bush is the most intelligent man they have ever met.
The poll also found that among most breeds of dog, cats and other domesticated animals the president’s approval has fallen. On an interesting side note: parrots well known for having a passion for mimicking the phrases repeated to them – are holding fast to their support of this administration.
“Squawk – September 11th!” “SQUAWK – the terrorists!” “Litmus test – SQUAWK!”
Cheers.
TO THE SECULAR WORLD:
Okay, all you non-Christian, ‘people of no faith’, unchanged, atheists, scientists, Democrats, agnostics and secular humanists. I’ve had enough!
You people don’t hold a monopoly on virtue deficiencies. This is just propaganda. No longer will anyone believe that only the godless can be morally objectionable.
No, times are changing. And as people of faith have gained political power and celebrity status – they have captured the public attention. Soon it will be very clear: religious people are just as human as regular humans.
For too long has the collective unconscious ASSUMED that evil is only obtainable by forsaking religious doctrine. It’s a lie. I know you think to yourself,”This person is devout, they must be good – good at everything – especially judging.” This bias against religious people has to stop!
I know we all hold this secret prejudice, it’s understandable. But let’s examine this for a moment:
Pedophilia: It’s finally known that you don’t have to be an atheist to be a child rapist. Men of God can do that too!
Seemingly random violence: It’s not just for loner, heavy metal fans anymore. You can now praise God (or Allah) when you blow things up.
Political corruption: You think only Quakers can accomplish that? No! Now you can go to a REAL church on Sunday AND break the law on Monday.
All people are equal in the eyes of God! Meaning, if you don’t believe in God – it doesn’t give you special permission to do all the reprehensible things people of faith enjoy.
Note this: We are equals!
God Bless America!
I am going to admit something to you, dear readers. I look down upon people that watch reality shows. I make fun of them. I insult them to their faces. I insult them behind their backs. I generally think they are gullible. It’s a cheap form of entertainment; making rich kids do manual labor, making pretty people eat bugs and getting semi-famous people to be bitchy on camera. The reality genre is the polyester of entertainment – if there is a wrinkle – it’s because it was designed that way.
But then, I woke up this morning and felt a little excitement in my heart that I had Tivo-ed CSPAN. I thought about the Mier’s nomination, Plame-Gate and Bush’s sinking approval ratings with the joy I imagine children have for Christmas.
Then it hit me: I am a reality show junkie. Oh, I pretend that I’m better than the people that watch Survivor – but now I see that we are kindred spirits. Politics IS my reality show.
And while most simple ‘reality’ television dramas have an hour to watch each week. Political junkies have entire libraries and whole cable channels completely devoted to our fix. Think of Civics Class as a ‘gateway drug’ to an entire world of depravity. You can turn back to history, you can project about the future – the Universe is circular and that’s why in politics – WE SPIN AND SPIN.
I can’t imagine politics being anymore entertaining than they are right now. I really can’t.
The list goes on and on!!!
What entertains me more than anything right now is the Religious Right (I’m a comic, I laugh at premises instead of punchlines). It’s such an easy set-up. Like the cinematic main stay, if you have a gun in the first act – someone HAS to die in the third. If you claim moral superiority, you are GOING to be found to be just as morally inferior as the REST OF US. It’s just a matter of time. Publicity coupled with self-righteousness, a heavy dose of finger wagging and new political power? You’re just BEGGING for it! That up coming debacle is akin to SWEEPS WEEK for this ongoing saga!
The Religious Right really is funny. America has the worst obesity epidemic in the world. What’s their Sin Du Jour? Gluttony? No. It’s gays being legally bound to each other and birth control. About 12% of this country is impoverished. Who do they reach out to? The poor and disenfranchised? No. They reach out to the rich and the political elite. To help the poor? No.
The Religious Right reaches out to the political elite to keep the poor – single, if they’re gay and abortion free, if they’re straight.
Jesus should copyright his name and likeness as to not have his stock go down by shoddy imitators. – Oh but that’s another post for another time.
Anyway, the point is: I’m enthralled. This is BETTER than an election year!
You’re NOT going to believe this!
Class action sought for ‘Dr. Phil’ diet suit
Unhappy dieters say they lost dollars, not pounds
Of all the people that you see on television, you’re going to take weight loss supplements with a picture of WHOSE double chin on it?
I have a version of the Dr. Phil Ultimate Weight Solution:
The first step is acquiring a life size cut out of the portly television personality. There are many Kinkos that will do this cheaper than the price of his book. If you really want to be a purist – get a photo of him nude.
Then you put that cut out in the room where you have most of your meals. If you’re like me, there is only one room, besides the bathroom to choose from. Note: most restaurants will not be into this diet program. You can scream about Free Speech – write letters with attorney stationery – try to stage a protest yadda yadda – but little can be done for them to accommodate you while on this diet. Best done on your own property where decency isn’t enforced…YET.
Now it takes a lot of self-control, but it is imperative to the diet’s success that you look at your cut-out during meals and:
Then REPEAT.
Feel the burn? That’s your common sense muscle getting a work out! Didn’t know you had one of those? It’s one of the many life-fulfilling benefits of this simple diet.
This AMAZING life-changing plan can be YOURS! Simple send 3 installments of $19.95 to my PayPal account. And tune in daily to The Sardonic Sideshow, for more helpful tips.
