Column: Rites Versus Rights

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A colleague of mine quipped the other day that the only religion he believes in is his own. “Sure,” I countered. “You piously believe in your own opinion.” Which pretty much sums up every debate I’ve ever had on religion. Liberals will tell you Jesus was a Middle Eastern Jewish hippie who hated money and […]

Column: Why Isn’t There a War on Easter?

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Why haven’t these clever secularists tried to take over Easter just like they’ve allegedly hijacked Christmas? What’s taking them so long? Bill O’Reilly deciphered the secret scheme to de-Christian Christmas. On his Christmastime program last year he said, “I absolutely agree 100 percent that the diminishment of Christianity is the target and Christmas is the […]

Column: A Conspiracy Fact

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I’ve been assured my in-laws don’t read my column. However, because of their mix of shame, guilt and blame, I’ll be vague on some details. They’ve fallen on hard times. No one wants to talk about it, let alone have it written about and syndicated. But I think their story is illustrative: My in-laws live […]

Column: The Dudes Doth Protest Too Much, Methinks

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In Reykjavik, Iceland there is the Icelandic Phallological Museum boasting of the world’s largest collection of penises. For around $20 U.S. you can gawk at the members of many different species: some human. Most in jars. Some more jarring than others. In Lima, Peru the Museo de Larco has an enormous collection of pre-Columbian pottery. […]

Column: Congress Has Munchausen by Proxy

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Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, now referred to as Factious Disorder by Proxy or FDbP, is where a parent or caretaker enjoys the attention of having a sick child so they exaggerate and sometimes induce their victim’s symptoms. Children are made to be sick; parents are given sympathy for their seeming stoicism. It’s adulation-seeking via child […]

Column: Welcome to the Golden Age of Arms Dealing

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In 2004, the families of eight gunshot victims sued the manufacturer and dealer of the Bushmaster XM-15 used in the DC Sniper rampage for negligence. They won. The NY Times reported, “Under the terms of the settlement, Bushmaster Firearms Inc. of Windham, Maine, the gun’s maker, will pay $550,000 to the victims’ families; Bull’s Eye […]

Column: Dear GOP, Cubans Are Not Mexican

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Due to an act of Congress, Cuban nationals who arrive in the U.S. after 1959 cannot be illegal immigrants. They’re automatically refugees. It’s amnesty! The federal government has spent billions to assist those who’ve fled Castro’s regime. It was a Cold War policy, signed by President Johnson. If they can get to our shores (many […]

Column: The Truth is You’re Still a Jerk, Lance

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I’m a marathon runner. A few years ago my coach was diagnosed with cancer. The first thing his ragged team of runners did was sign him up with Livestrong. Through the course of his treatment he would show up to track with his yellow beanie warming his chemo-ravaged bald head. He proudly wore the iconic […]

 
 
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