The Latest and Greatest…

I got this in an email today:

You look a lot like Portia diRossi, Ellen’s wife. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen you two in a pictures together…. Coincidence? Sure you’re not moonlighting as a lesbian bride?

No. But feel free to continue to pass along that rumor. It could only help my career.

Speaking of which, what have I been up to? Well, I did another piece for the LA Weekly and I’m not quite sure when it’s going to be published. I wrote an article for Fast Company that will be out in September. And it looks like an essay I submitted will be in a book coming out in this Fall or Winter. More than that I can’t say just yet.
However I will be at ComicCon this year, covering it for Mediabistro’s Fishbowl LA. Yay nerds!
 

MSNBC’s Killer Cult

I seem to be getting a lot of traffic from the wikipedia page about the Children of God and I just figured out why – there’s a documentary about it on MSNBC right now.

Anyway, how does one come into this world in a fanatical religious cult and then end up a humorist? I ask, how can you be brought into this world in a fanatical religious cult and NOT end up a humorist? My choices were that or a mental patient. Not that the two are mutually exclusive. And not that there’s anything wrong with being a humorist.
I wrote a press release in case you’re curious.

Cheers.

 

Update

Okay, this site was down due to some unspecified tech issues.

I blame it on gay marriage in California. That and the spike in tux rentals. It’s an epidemic.

Anyway, the site is back up. I am diligently blogging daily at Mediabistro’s FishbowlLA. Feel free to stop by and say hi.

 

LA Cityview 35

In case you missed it on TV – I was on channel 35’s LA Cityview’s show about politics and comedy. You can go to the site and on the right side there is a link for show #36. Just click that and watch.

The producer said it was the funniest show they had ever done.

Of course, that’s on par with being the tallest kid in pre-school…

 

LA Weekly

Not to degrade anyone’s opinion of the LA Weekly, but they hired me to do some local stories.

One on the Silver Lake Meadow and another on the Pico-Olympic One Way.

I’ll post more…later.

 

My New Blogging Gig

Hey All!

I’m blogging over at Mediabistro’s Fishbowl LA. Come by and say hi!

 

Washington DC

I spent a week in DC. Great times. Great town. This is what I have brought back to share with you all:
This is the Department of Education building on Independence Avenue – right down the street from the Capitol. They’re little red school houses to celebrate, maybe? Promote? Trivialize? Bush’s education policy.
Look – No Child Left Behind – is literally a facade.

 

The Young Voter Myth

This was in the LA Daily News and The Beast.

Maybe it’s another Clinton running for president or maybe its American Gladiators being back on television or maybe it was the late night monologue jokes during the writer’s strike – but I’m suffering from some déjà vu. It’s all sounding vaguely familiar – I’ve seen this – heard it before.

The story is this: Young voters are being galvanized and energized…more than ever…this time.

Time Magazine ran a story of the youth vote on the cover, “Frustrated by feckless Washington, energized by the unscripted, pundit-baffling freedom of a wide-open race, young people are voting in numbers rarely seen since the general election of 1972.”

In 1970 congress extended the Civil Rights Act of 1965, it gave 18-year-olds the right to vote for federal offices. In the general election in 1972 between George McGovern and Richard Nixon young people for the first time were able to cast their ballots. The war in Vietnam was raging. There was, after all, a draft. The average age of a GI in that war was 19. They could go and die for their country but couldn’t have their vote counted. This was their moment. History was calling upon the young people of American to step up and change the course of history!

That year 1972 will forever be plugged as the year for ‘the youth vote’. It is the young voter’s election that all other young voter’s elections will be judged by.

What happened? Only half of those 18, 19 and 20 year olds that became eligible turned out to vote and Nixon won in a landslide.

Which poses the question: Why would we still want that demographics’ participation?

In 1992 when running against the first George Bush, Bill Clinton was roughly the same age then as Barack Obama is now. Early to mid-40’s. JFK’s age. Clinton, as a presidential candidate went on MTV. That had never happened before. President Bush at first refused. All the reports said that it was the most young people energized by an election since 1972. It was exciting. The numbers? According to the census bureau about 48% of young voters (18-24) turned out as compared to the 30 and over crowd, of 72.4%.

And let’s not forget the 2004 youth vote. “Vote or Die!” The word ‘blog’ was being used by pundits for the first time. Howard Dean and blogforamerica.com had excited the youth vote and there were more young people energized by an election since 1972! It was exciting! MySpace had just blown Friendster out of the water and grass roots had taken hold on this thing called ‘the internets’. What happened? Less than half (46%) of the youth voters turned out – way below national average of 61% of that year. And we re-elected a man that was nearly killed by eating a pretzel.

I’m not a cynic. I want all to be involved. Young, old – willfully uninformed – I say let’s all get together! I’m just cautiously optimistic. We as Americans have been stood up on prom night by young voters before. And then every couple of years we collectively forget, forgive and re-hype the next batch of flaky young people.

I know. I know. As we think every time we are about to get duped again. “This time it’s going to be different.“

On Super Tuesday I went to the polls half expecting the turn out to look like a Hannah Montana concert. When I got there it looked more like “Hannah and Her Sisters” reunion. There was a group of young Latino males exiting as I walked up. They had shaved heads and baggy pants. At first glance, they looked like gang bangers. As they approached I could make out their “I Voted” stickers on their hoodies. As we passed in the hall, one of them whispered towards me with a giddy skip in his step, ”Eh – vote Hillary!”

Different? Yep.

 

Uninsure California Lawmakers

This ran in the LA Times.

As long as our elected officials have plush health insurance – the system will remain broken.

The other day, I admitted to a friend that I don’t have health insurance.

“What?!” he gasped. “But you’re married. Isn’t that part of the deal?” He reacted as if I had just told him that I believed in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny or the flat tax — something embarrassingly ridiculous. Because that’s what being uninsured is these days — a character flaw. It’s how you can pay taxes, volunteer, subscribe to public radio and still be considered a drain on society.

You may be wondering, “Seriously, how can you not have health insurance? Don’t you work? Are you illiterate? Do you have no self-worth whatsoever?!” The short answer is, my husband and I are both freelancers so we have no workplace insurance. And the $500-plus monthly premium? You might as well say our health depended on our adding a new wing to our apartment.

The uninsured are a puzzling group for California lawmakers. Telling the uninsured not to be uninsured, for example, is the solution they came up with. And taxing smokers (banking on their inability to quit but sufficient longevity to make it profitable) to pay for the poor is how lawmakers proposed to fund it. They called it ABX1 1.

This wasn’t good legislation. Good legislation has supporters; ABX1 1 had apologists. And it came to an ignoble end last week, killed by an 11-1 vote in a state Senate committee.

Even though I’m not for radical change, I do favor radical improvement. ABX1 1 was neither. It came around on its face: It appeared that the cure was the same as the disease.

Personally, we make above $47,000 a year, the cutoff for subsidized policies under the plan. We also live in a city where median home prices are still about half a million dollars. Now, while Countrywide Financial Corp. may have happily approved us for a loan a couple of months ago, that doesn’t mean we have any money. So the mandate to buy insurance would have fallen on a lot of broke ears.

Healthcare costs in this country, according to the World Health Organization, are the highest in the Western world. And the chasm between medical care for those with money and those without is potentially deadly. I once had a plantar wart that was near-fatal. True story. Some people gamble at casinos for kicks; I eat uncooked fish. There isn’t a moment that I don’t know that I am one accident or diagnosis away from complete financial ruin. Where are the riots? Where’s the outrage? Didn’t Michael Moore do a documentary on this?

The uninsured and the underinsured need true political advocates. There’s only one way I see that happening. We should force all our elected officials in California to live uninsured for at least 2 1/2 months of the year. Believe me, healthcare will get reformed quicker if their lives and livelihoods depend on it. One in five Californians are uninsured — so all our elected officials should be uninsured for one-fifth of the year until they fix the problem.

What good would that do? In 1993, San Francisco passed a nonbinding measure encouraging public employees from the mayor on down to take public transit at least twice a week. How’s that city’s transit system now? Among the best in the country.

People take vows of poverty to learn humility. People fast to learn gratitude for abundance. People live off the grid to learn — I don’t know — candle-making skills. Living uninsured can teach our elected officials to care for the healthcare system. (Lesson one — negotiate prices. There are more Californians on this planet than Canadians. Hint. Hint.) Call it a fact-finding mission. Make it sound heroic. It’s no more absurd than what they came up with.

 

Send Out a Memo

Okay, I really could care less if you want to advertise your beliefs on your car. I don’t care if you have bumper stickers for candidate. I don’t care if you have some quirky platitude about random acts of kindness. I don’t care if you want to put a sticker of Calvin peeing on something. Really – I’m all for self-expression. Go on – express!

But…

Really? It’s like in case someone didn’t know that the fish was a Christian symbol – in order to spell it out – there’s a holy cross for the eye?!

It makes it look like a dead fish.

Exhibit A:

Sigh.

I might be over thinking it – I have considered that it could be some ironic hipster thing. Because I’m an optimist. And I often think the smartest of people until I am inevitably proven wrong.

It was not intended to be the trucker hat of bumper stickers.

The funny thing is: Christians have told me (over and over again) that I am offensive to them. My work. My humor. Me as a person. Is offensive to some Christians.

But a sticker that looks like a dead fish? Naw. Perfect gift idea!

 

The Hillary Standard

She’s running for president, people, not Prom Queen.

This piece ran in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Huffington Post and LA Daily News.

My grandparents just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. They got hitched right after Grampa got back from the war. They’re both educated professionals. They’re proud Americans. We come from a long line of Southern Democrats. My grandparents, the mavericks, are first generation lifelong Republicans. Grampa has a portrait of Ronald Reagan in his bathroom. Not in the place that would make ‘trickle down’ literal – let alone actually manifest. The portrait is near the sink, where he brushes his teeth. Every morning he wakes up, and The Gipper is proudly smiling at him.

With that being said, for my own amusement, the other day I asked Grama what she thought about Hillary Clinton. Now it may have been a bad cell phone connection, but I think I heard my otherwise sweet little Grama actually growl before saying, ”That woman.” She said disapprovingly. “Ambitious.”

Which is EXACTLY what Clinton basher Christopher Hitchens says about Hillary. He notes her ‘overweening ambition’ in his otherwise thin ‘case’ (think grudge) against her in his latest Slate.com article.

With all due respect to Grama, there has to be something dark and twisted about the human psyche that only wants people that don’t want power to actually get it. Or maybe its that men are go-getters and women are ambitious. Or maybe it’s just Hillary. She has turned into a black light for Americans. Highlighting our dandruff and other things we would care not to have mentioned. Like the fact that we have no restraint when it comes to our viciousness toward her and can‘t come up with a good reason for it.

Her critics are starting to get really freaky with vehemence. People are starting to foam at the mouth. Chris Matthews, for example, was starting to look like Old Yeller right before they put him down.

For those of you not following the election that close because your more humane hobby of setting ants on fire with a magnifying glass is taking up most of your time, Chris Matthews, host of MSNBC’s Hardball, on Morning Joe the day after the New Hampshire primary he said, “The reason she’s a U.S. senator, the reason she’s a candidate for president, the reason she may be a front-runner is her husband messed around.” Then he went on to say,” She didn’t win on merit. She won because everybody felt, ‘my God this woman stood up under public humiliation’ – that’s what happened.”

So it’s not that voters really dig name recognition (cough – Schwarzenegger). It’s that she got a host of sympathy votes? When has Hillary Clinton ever – ever gotten sympathy? Her enemies are so quick to hit below the belt that neutrality is the best I’ve seen for her.

Matthews later defended his comments and said that he was not sharing an ‘opinion’ just historical interpretation. It’s like saying that it was not eggplant – it was aubergine. It’s really the same thing.

Then after what was a week’s long outrage for his remarks he finally gave up. On his show Hardball he said, “Saying that Senator Clinton got where she’s got simply because her husband did what he did to her is just as callous, and I can see now, it comes across just as nasty, worse yet, just as dismissive.” That was big of him, but that comment was hardly isolated. He never thought that calling Clinton supporters “castratos in the eunuch chorus” was nasty and dismissive?

Politics is a blood sport, but even blood sports have sportsmanship. But not when it comes to Hillary. Back when her husband was running for president, back in 1992, a television reporter from Columbus, Ohio asked her, “You know, some people think of you as an inspiring female attorney mother, and other people think of you as the overbearing yuppie wife from hell. How would you describe yourself?”

You may be wondering the answer to that question. I’ll quote from A Time to Kill, “Now imagine she’s white.” Think of that question to anyone other than Hillary. Could you imagine another first lady hopeful, on the campaign trail EVER being asked that? Could you see anyone asking Barbra, Nancy or Laura that?? Hillary’s rapport with the press started way back then. Way back then in what the press dubbed “The Year of the Woman”.

But just the word ‘ambition’ used in the pejorative is baffling. “I disagree with her wanting to do anything with more prestige than she has right now.” In other words, she needs to know her place. And because she doesn’t know her place – don’t hold anything back. It’s not regular criticism. It’s like a reprimand and to used Matthews’ words ‘public humiliation’ for not being more demure.

It’s as if she’s not liked because she’s a know-it-all. She’s running for president – we want a president to KNOW IT ALL.

It’s not even a double standard – it’s a special standard – just for Hillary Clinton. It’s the Hillary Standard. And who can hold up to the Hillary Standard? No one. Not even Hillary.

It’s a reality show where otherwise, rational, intelligent people are showing their prejudices and blinding contempt. It’s tired. It’s boring. And it’s not discourse. It reminds me of the ironic quote by Voltaire, “O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.” Done.

 

I’ve alway depended on the kindness of strangers…

I was at a comedy club one night with my friend who is also a female comic. We were hanging out at the bar when a guy approached us both and asked, ”Hey, why are female comics all so butch?”

To which I said, ”Why are female firefighters so butch? Because you want them to be – believe me.” At least that is what I would have liked to have said.

Instead it threw me into a panic and I immediately thought that in all the hubbub of worrying about being funny, I had forgotten to worry about being too butch! That and my imperfect mid-section were now moved to the top of my queue of reasons to feel bad about myself.

What actually happened is I said what I say every time someone brings up “women” and “funny” in the same sentence. I say, “Kathleen Madigan is funny.” And that usually ends it. This time I said, “Kathleen Madigan is femmy.”

Bigger ashtrays.

 
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