George W. Bush talking about our nation’s addiction to oil is like Philip Morris denouncing the perils of nicotine. What’s next – McDonalds healthy eating pamphlets? How about a Wal-Mart planned class on small business survival?

And just when you thought it couldn’t be more ridiculous, a pundit from Fox News becomes the official voice of the White House.

snow

So is the price of gas why Bush is about as popular as the bird flu? The thing about partisan politics is this: You could take a German Shepherd and put a neck tie on him – say he’s a Republican or a Democrat that’s strong on defense and a friend to the American family – and he would have at least a 30% approval rating. So the other 3% according to a CNN poll (with a 3% margin of error), Bush has earned by being ‘The Decider’.

If you feel that its in bad taste to kick a man when he is down…well then you probably didn’t vote for George Bush in the first place. All others can go Swift Boat themselves.

Anyway, gas prices. Gas prices are very high. I can’t complain about gas prices. Oh sure, I could if I really HAD to but I feel terrible doing it.

It feels like traveling to the polar ice caps only to start bitching about the lack of ice. “Where’s all the permafrost like in the brochure? I’m not seeing it people! I want my money back! How do you say ‘full refund’ in Algonquian?

Yes, it is like an addiction. It makes me feel like a dirty hypocrite, but I do it all the time.

So lets go with the ‘addiction’ metaphor: Bush’s solution to the high cost of energy is to suspend current EPA regulations for fuel. To use his words “…Gasoline, which is derived from oil.” So if this were smack we were talking about – instead of smoking, we’re going to start mainlining it.

Great idea Mr. President, err on the side of pollution.

Now say you don’t believe in global warming. Let’s say that you were REALLY concerned about the ominous hole in the ozone layer a few years ago. Then it quietly went away. So now you’re a little more hesitant before hopping onto that environmental catastrophe bandwagon.

Don’t think about global warming. – just go to Riverside, California for a day. Spend an August hour in Bakersfield. Just stand there and chew on the air for a couple of minutes. Feel the burn in your nostrils. Embrace the pain of having your eyes open. Now say without reservation, “The Environmental Protection Agency is just way too strict! Will those people let up already?!?

Gasoline price increases are like a hidden tax on the working people.” Said Bush, discussing energy this week.

He’s been in office long enough that I can say that George Bush is the deadbeat dad for the middle class. He’ll acknowledge they exist but won’t return their phone calls. Hidden tax or out in the open tax – they don’t really matter if you can’t breath. If you really want to help the poor and working class give them clean surroundings to live in. That would help them out considerably. Clean air or health care – pick one. Not having either is cruel and unusual punishment for letting the Republicans have the majority.

Lessening all the ‘red tape’ to drive down fuel costs, is like streamlining drug trials to make pharmaceuticals cheaper. It will probably work. We will get cheaper prices AND run the risk of more Thalidomide babies, Fen-Phen heart attacks and Vioxx induced strokes. After Katrina, Americans saw that you can’t count on the government to save you from a disaster. But that doesn’t mean that the government needs to completely stop trying.

So we’re addicted…we’re mainlining smack and don’t have plans to get help. Instead we’ve opted to be even more reckless and stop using clean needles.

Maybe in rehab we can ask Brazil to be our sponsor…

 

bush

This is an interesting article. We should all read it and then talk about it.

 

Don’t Be Happy!

A true compromise is when neither party is happy.

The Right-Wing Agenda:

Brain dead patients and the terminally ill will be kept alive as long as science can manage it.

Children will be taught that God created the world in seven days, regardless of what SCIENCE theorizes.

Abortion should be against the law – if you break the law you should be put to death.

Abortion should be against the law – as should gays adopting unwanted children.

A holy monument with the engraving, Thou shalt not make any graven images.” Will be erected in front of all courthouses.

Movies are too violent, unless they are depicting stories from the ‘Good Book’ then they’re inspirational.

Everyone will have religious freedom as long as they love Jesus.

Trust the government absolutely, unless they say not to trust them, then trust that.

Jesus was a capitalist. The U.S. Constitution is from the Holy Bible.

Ignore the poor and do nothing for them.

Homosexuality is a sin to be condemned. Gluttony is a sin to be encouraged for strong business.

Say you’re for small government unless it’s a social issue – then dictate what people should do.

Protest (but call it a prayer circle) when you don’t get your way.

The Left-Wing Agenda:

Tolerance for all – unless you disagree.

Criminals should NOT be put to death; but there should be the option for fetuses.

Porn and condoms for all!

Anybody should be able to live in the U.S. without learning its main language or having documentation.

Health care and taxes for all!

Scientific funding and taxes for all!

Art funding and taxes for all!

Jesus was a socialist. The Constitution comes from the ancient Greeks.

Historical wrong doings, conquered peoples and witch hunts – apologize, apologize, and apologize.

Try to offend no one, but be offended by EVERYTHING.

Everything non-western and/or ancient is way more spiritual than anything practiced today.

Point out the poor and do nothing for them.

Say you’re for government regulation, unless it’s on a social issue, then do nothing.

Homosexuals should have equal protection. Unless they are in the closet, then we should violate their privacy.

Protest and Googlebomb when you don’t get your way.


I urge both parties to fight for your full agenda and pray that you neither of you get it.

When partisans are unhappy – it’s good for America.

 

A Delay-ed Re-Action

delayed

Tom Delay announced that he will not seek re-election.

I worked as an interpreter for the Deaf. I will now use those skills for a comedic premise.

Tom Delay said: “I refuse to allow liberal Democrats an opportunity to steal this seat with a negative, personal campaign.”

Meaning: “I’ve been indicted.”

Tom Delay said: “I have no fear whatsoever about any investigation into me or my personal or professional activities.”

Meaning: “I’m on Paxil because my former aide just plead guilty to conspiring with lobbyist Jack Abramoff and promised to help with further investigations.”

He cares about the people on the 22nd District of Texas SO MUCH that he is moving to Virginia. What a good guy.

Anyway, the upside of cronyism is that they fall like dominoes. Teehee!

 

A Benefit Comedy Show

This is an email received today:

Forgive me if you know the story already. If not, please read. We’re doing
our best on short notice to let people know about this show on April 6th.

Thanks, Kevin

A good friend and fellow comic Erica Doering found out that she needs an
emergency eye surgery – a vitrectomy – to prevent herself from going blind.
It involves replacing her eye fluid with saline and placing a small belt and
buckle behind her eye. The operation has to be done on April 11th.
Afterwards, the patient has to stare downwards at all times … for two
months. Stare at the floor for five seconds. Now imagine doing it for two
months.

Since I’ve known her in the last two years, I’ve seen her go through several
surgeries and many eye doctor appointments. And like a lot of comics I know,
she has no health insurance. This latest one is a very serious, emergency
operation and the two months of recovery means she can’t work during that
time. She only has one week left to raise the money for her surgery. So with
the help of a few others – including Amit Itelman and the Steve Allen
Theatre – I helped put this show together so she can get this operation and
see again properly.

Please help! Buy some tickets for this show. Spread the word. Tell your
friends – especially if you don’t live in LA, but have friends that do. I
mean, c’mon, look at that lineup. It’s going to be one of the best comedy
shows of the year. And while you’re at it, make a donation by clicking on
the link below. Every little bit helps.

GET ADVANCE TICKETS NOW!

THE EYE CARE FOR ERICA COMEDY BENEFIT
Proceeds go towards comic Erica Doering’s emergency vitrectomy

Starring: Patton Oswalt, Bob Odenkirk, Louis C.K., Dana Gould, Naked
Trucker, Andy Kindler & an advance clip of MTV2’s Wonder Showzen

Hosted by Jimmy Pardo

Tell your friends! Spread the word!

Thursday, April 6th
8 p.m.
$25

Ticket purchases and additional donations can be sent to our fee free
merchant account:
http://www.ceisecure.com/ericadoering.html
(Please specify number of tickets and amount of donation.)

…or via PayPal by sending to recipient:
ericadoering@hotmail.com

The Steve Allen Theater
at the Center for Inquiry-West
4773 Hollywood Blvd
(2 blocks west of Vermont)

For more show info: http://www.cfiwest.org/theater/EyeCare.htm

For the whole story: www.myspace.com/ericaseye

This is what you call ’supporting the arts’. Every little bit helps.

 
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