Seven or so states in a month.
Lewis and Clark have nothing on me….
On January 31, 2006,
in Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
On January 30, 2006,
in Topical Jokes Graveyard, Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
And here’s why you won’t find strippers with large bon mots….
Men are intimidated, research says
New research has found truth in the old stereotype that most men find funny women a turn-off.
Scientists say women who tell jokes are seen as a threat, undermining men’s idea that they should hold the dominant role.
Hundreds of men and women in their twenties were questioned by academics. Most said they found a sense of humour to be attractive in women – but when asked if they would want to be with a woman who cracked jokes herself, more than half said no.
Like mother always said: Boys don’t make passes at girls that are smart-asses…
Once I was in a particularly nasty hotel/motel room. It was ‘under-construction’ by a group of wife smacking, crack head (to be fair, it could have been meth) gypsies. The room was about 10 feet from the freeway, five from the pool and two from the ice machine. Of course the last two were out of order or ‘under construction’ so it didn’t really matter.
Anyway, I was in my room burning incense, trying to cover the smell of stale crack(to be fair, it could have been meth) and going through my calender. I had been on the road for about 3 weeks straight and my road rash was at an all time high. I called Southwest to buy a plane ticket for my next gig. And started chatting with the customer service rep.
Rep: “Oh, you’re a comedian. That is so neat. Do you like it? I think that is SO COOL.”
Me: “Yeah, I like it. Sometimes it wears on you.”
Rep: “You know there is this great book…it’s by Dean Koontz. Its about a woman who is this road comic and her only friend is a house plant, she takes it with her everywhere. Really cool book. Someone left it in the hallway of my building. Picked it up and read it. Such a lonely character. Almost tragic. On the road with only her house plant to keep her company.”
I purchased my ticket. Put down the phone. Sat there.
Then thought to myself,“Wow. I wish I had a house plant to keep me company.”
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So…I don’t have my exact schedule yet. I know I am doing a six (maybe seven) state tour…over the course of a month…I’ll post it here when I have it.
Cheers.
On January 24, 2006,
in Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
Here’s an ‘only in California’ thing…
I drove through a tree. Serious. I was doing a gig near the Redwood Forrest this weekend and saw a sign for the drive thru tree.
I forked over my five dollars and then drove through a tree older than Caesar.
On January 23, 2006,
in General Announcements, Hey Look, I'm a Writer,
by Tina Dupuy
This was in the LA Daily News today.
I was a stalker before it was illegal. Yep, that’s right. For those of you that don’t remember because you aren’t old enough or you’ve never been persistent enough with a love interest, stalking laws were passed in California in 1990 and much like smoking bans and strip malls quickly spread across the country.
The object of my obsession was an older guy. I was 12 and awkward. He was 16 and annoyed. I went out of my way to pass by his house. He went out of his way to be cruel so that I would leave him alone. I wrote his name on my Trapper Keeper 100’s of times. He high-tailed his BMX in the opposite direction when he saw me.
But those were the good old days of being tenacious. Now the cops get involved pretty quickly. It’s really taken all the fun out of it.
No, now you can’t stalk someone you love. It’s only big soulless corporations and the Bush Administration that get to do that.
One day I woke up and the line between ‘paranoid’ and ‘pretty sure’ had been blurred.
Take spyware for example. There are tons of bugs and ‘cookies’ that companies use to see where you’re going and what you are doing online. I’m outraged that these companies find out how truly boring I am. The fact that I spend the majority of my time online trolling myspace and pretending to read the BBC news site is none of anyone’s business. I have the right to keep those things private and to announce them in humorously self-exploitive articles as I see fit.
This is extremely valuable information that results in target marketing. And if your privacy is valuable to you, it’s as equally outrageous.
No hacking isn’t just for precocious tweens anymore. Now you have to battle corporations too. I currently have three (count them three) anti-spyware programs running on my PC. Even with FireFox and Firewalls – I still end up with more spyware on my machine than the total number Delay indictments and Abramoff bribe recipients combined!
In the middle of the War on Christmas it was leaked that the Bush Administration has been spying on us without a warrant. I say ‘us’ because we don’t really know who it is. It could be any of us. It could be me, because I pretend to read the BBC news site everyday.
They hate us for our freedoms? We’re striving for popularity!
Back in the good old days, only celebrities had to fight for their privacy. They were heavily compensated by movie deals, book deals and the free meals one gets when one is famous (or so I have heard). Mobsters and drug dealers were the ones constantly worried about being bugged. Only consumers who signed up for a club card got tracked by businesses. Now we are all subjected to these disclosures. And we don’t get any of the benefits like being famous, having the tax free income of a drug dealer or getting in-store discounts.
The one thing I know about civil rights is that if you don’t assert them, you may as well not have them. Our current president passed an anti-spam law, CAN-SPAM Act of 2003. He and the 108th Congress touted the Do Not Call List to prove they cared about American’s dinner being interrupted. I know this because I got a SPAM email about putting my name on the Do Not Call List. And as of the beginning of this year, it is illegal to anonymously annoy someone on the internet. But as far as the right to unwarranted search and seizures…it’s a technicality.
Think of George W. Bush as the ‘Let them eat cake’ leader of privacy issues.
In the last 15 years, the amount of legislation devoted solely to keeping our private affairs private has been vast. It’s the one bi-partisan issue we can all agree upon. We like having the freedom not to be watched by the government, crazed suitors or private industry. The system that we expect to help us combat these violations has become the biggest violator. So in a war for freedom, this battle has been lost.
On January 18, 2006,
in Topical Jokes Graveyard, Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
The 76 year old death row inmate Clarence Ray Allen, was put to death early Tuesday by the state of California.
Having suffered a heart attack back in September, Allen had asked prison authorities to let him die if he went into cardiac arrest before his execution, a request prison officials said they would not honor.
“At no point are we not going to value the sanctity of life,” said prison spokesman Vernell Crittendon. “We would resuscitate him,” then execute him.
The intelligent design folks are right. We have not evolved…in fact we’re getting dumber everyday…
On January 17, 2006,
in General Announcements,
by Tina Dupuy
Hey Yawl!
I’m back. I’ve gone a week without nicotine. Goody.
I have been working out everyday…because I don’t have much of a choice.
I have been a pale, thin and doughy so long, I can’t recall ever being in shape.
But, now – I’m totally into it. I want to work out. I want to be healthy. I want to exercise.
I want to be in such good shape that I look like a transvestite!
You know, a little more feminine than say a Russia Figure Skater…
An artist rendition of these athletes…he really captured the eyes…
a little more butch than say Elijah Wood…
On January 13, 2006,
in General Announcements,
by Tina Dupuy
Hello Dear Readers!
I am in day three without a cigarette.
I wouldn’t recommend it. Brutal.
Anyway…the only thing I can manage to do is whine and be bitchy…Throw stuff and eat…eat a lot.
So I am taking the weekend to further my detox…The Sardonic Sideshow will be back up on Mon. Jan. 16th.
Cheers.
On January 10, 2006,
in Uncategorized,
by Tina Dupuy
Some of you may remember this brilliant bit of legislation called The Do Not Call list.
Yeah, our government got together and realized that Americans were getting annoyed by telemarketers. So they made a list, checked it twice and this was going to reduced those phone calls.
Those callers exempt from that call list:
-Non-profit organizations
-Companies you’ve done business with in the past 18 months
-Politicians.
Who do I get unsolicited calls from? Who are the ONLY people that call me?
-Non-profit organizations
-Companies you’ve done business with in the past 18 months
-Politicians.
So that was ineffective.
And in the spirit of being ineffective – I propose the Do Not Spy List.
Here’s how it works:
There’s a list. You put your name on it. That means that you don’t want to be spied on.
Those exempt from this list:
-Non-profit organizations
-Companies you’ve done business with in the past 18 months
-Politicians.
I think I’ve got a handle on this. I should run for office.
The Abramoff scandal isn’t over because he intends to cooperate fully…
I saw Wolf Blizter interview Howard Dean where he said that Abramoff did not bribe any Democrats. That absolutely no Democrats received money from Abramoff. It’s therefore a Republican corruption scandal.
Of course Abramoff didn’t bribe Democrats. Bribing a Democrat in the past 5 years is a waste of money.
It’s like sleeping with a casting director for public access. Dirty AND pointless.
On January 6, 2006,
in General Announcements,
by Tina Dupuy
I know you been waiting for this – just aching to buy crap to support this site and its sole contributer. I know. You’ve had to wait too long.
Now the time has come, and well – it’s nothing like you thought it would be. Not better or worse, just different.
New Tina T-Shirts!
Only $22 with shipping included (inside the US) GO HERE TO BUY IT!
With original artwork by Ignacius Dedd the creator of Dead Guy. The Cartoon.
Two sided – 100% cotton – non-Cafe Press – T-shirts.
Perfect for birthdays, anniversaries…apologies.
All proceeds go to a wonderful cause…buying me a second hand lap top off Ebay. Yeah, you could give money to Katrina victims, but they could already HAVE a second hand laptop. Do you want that on your conscience? Do you?
On January 5, 2006,
in General Announcements,
by Tina Dupuy
Deadline is Jan. 10th
Nothing says “Happy New Year” more to a political humorist than the phrases “GUILTY PLEA” and “cooperates fully.”
It’s music to my ears. Chocolate to my taste buds. Calamine lotion to my bug bites.
Good stuff.
Jack Abramoff, pictured above in his Humphrey Bogart Halloween costume, the chubby Sam Spade version.
What? Even James Cagney wouldn’t wear that to court!
He plead guilty to three felony counts of tax evasion, mail fraud and conspiracy.
The more I read about this man, the more it seems to me that Mr. Jack —–off is the Forrest Gump of corruption. It seems when something bad is happening with someone bad – there’s a little Abramoff involved.
For example:
Note: Basically, Jack created an enemy and got richer off having an opposition. Which is RIGHT OUT OF THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT play book. As in,”I know we’re the majority in power but they are going to ban the bible, make being a Christian illegal and force us all to love Satan – quick send us money!”
Hollywood has Kevin Bacon – corruption has Jack Abramoff!
Rumor has it:
Move over Karl Rove – there’s a new root of all evil in town!
“Hi Jackie! Mr. Abramoffie…he he.”
