Tina Dupuy

There are a couple of things that I have come to rely on in this world. 1) The sun sets in the west. 2) No matter what kind of precautions I take or programs I run – I will STILL get spam emails for banks I don’t belong to and medical conditions I couldn’t possibly have. 3) When the GOP is down in the polls – illegal immigration is suddenly the outrage de jour.

Back in 1994 when California’s Governor, Pete Wilson, was bidding for re-election with sunken poll numbers, he used the same trick: illegals are stealing our jobs. He ran commercials depicting Mexicans scurrying across the border like cockroaches. He backed Prop 187, which denied social services, health care and education to undocumented peoples. It was so outrageous that it got over-turned instead of enforced – but it did get Pete Wilson re-elected with enough political capitol to deregulate California’s energy markets. That can be summed up in three words with one hyphenate “Rolling Black-outs”.

This is the ‘Three Card Monte’ of political strategy. While you’re looking for the ace someone is TAPPING YOUR PHONE.

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free – just don’t bring them undocumented in an election year with low approval ratings.

This issue gets dander flying. “We have to secure our borders – it’s about national security.” Which is like waking up one morning in 1895 and telling everyone that you can find that we really need independence from England. In other words: Dude, where have you been?

There has been a war on terror raging all over the world and undocumented workers walking across the border for the past 5 years. Why now is this the MOST pressing issue facing our country?

Why is this perennial issue suddenly the most important threat to our country since The Bird Flu?

My guess is that it is because the Republicans in Congress and the Senate have approval ratings comparable to Jeff Skilling and Ken Lay. That and blaming single mothers is too out-dated. That’s just my guess.

Illegal immigration is like prostitution – it’s not going away and we’ll all ignore it until there is a mid-term election. Then it’s not just a political issue – it’s a moral issue.

On Monday, President Bush addressed the nation about immigration. Since this is the ‘social security’ type of over blown topic with ‘abortion’ vehemence behind it, the president has to take action. This is the thing I know about George W. Bush, he’s not a man for diplomacy and will have none of that ‘talking’. He’s a war president and The Decider, which means that when faced with a problem of national importance he’ll have no choice but to call in the troops. Every issue that has come up since he was sworn in –. Afghanistan, Iraq, New York, and New Orleans – call in the troops. I’m surprised that there wasn’t a National Guardsman in every school to make sure that no child got left behind. His plan to solve the border issue? Let the desperate House and Senate work out the details and exchange the militia for the actual military.

David Blaine WISHES he could pull off this sleight of hand. My phone company gleefully gave over my phone records to the government with no warrant, no checks and no balances. The War on Terror has had enough rhetoric to burn your nose hairs but the facts have been wrong a couple of times. A Fox News pundit is the official voice of the White House and I’m supposed to save my outrage for people that work even when they’re asked NOT TO?!?

Sorry. I can’t do it.

George W. Bush talking about our nation’s addiction to oil is like Philip Morris denouncing the perils of nicotine. What’s next – McDonalds healthy eating pamphlets? How about a Wal-Mart planned class on small business survival?

And just when you thought it couldn’t be more ridiculous, a pundit from Fox News becomes the official voice of the White House.

So is the price of gas why Bush is about as popular as the bird flu? The thing about partisan politics is this: You could take a German Shepherd and put a neck tie on him – say he’s a Republican or a Democrat that’s strong on defense and a friend to the American family – and he would have at least a 30% approval rating. So the other 3% according to a CNN poll (with a 3% margin of error), Bush has earned by being ‘The Decider’.

If you feel that its in bad taste to kick a man when he is down…well then you probably didn’t vote for George Bush in the first place. All others can go Swift Boat themselves.

Anyway, gas prices. Gas prices are very high. I can’t complain about gas prices. Oh sure, I could if I really HAD to but I feel terrible doing it.

It feels like traveling to the polar ice caps only to start bitching about the lack of ice. “Where’s all the permafrost like in the brochure? I’m not seeing it people! I want my money back! How do you say ‘full refund’ in Algonquian?”

Yes, it is like an addiction. It makes me feel like a dirty hypocrite, but I do it all the time.

So lets go with the ‘addiction’ metaphor: Bush’s solution to the high cost of energy is to suspend current EPA regulations for fuel. To use his words “…Gasoline, which is derived from oil.” So if this were smack we were talking about – instead of smoking, we’re going to start mainlining it.

Great idea Mr. President, err on the side of pollution.

Now say you don’t believe in global warming. Let’s say that you were REALLY concerned about the ominous hole in the ozone layer a few years ago. Then it quietly went away. So now you’re a little more hesitant before hopping onto that environmental catastrophe bandwagon.

Don’t think about global warming. – just go to Riverside, California for a day. Spend an August hour in Bakersfield. Just stand there and chew on the air for a couple of minutes. Feel the burn in your nostrils. Embrace the pain of having your eyes open. Now say without reservation, “The Environmental Protection Agency is just way too strict! Will those people let up already?!?”

“Gasoline price increases are like a hidden tax on the working people.” Said Bush, discussing energy this week.

He’s been in office long enough that I can say that George Bush is the deadbeat dad for the middle class. He’ll acknowledge they exist but won’t return their phone calls. Hidden tax or out in the open tax – they don’t really matter if you can’t breath. If you really want to help the poor and working class give them clean surroundings to live in. That would help them out considerably. Clean air or health care – pick one. Not having either is cruel and unusual punishment for letting the Republicans have the majority.

Lessening all the ‘red tape’ to drive down fuel costs, is like streamlining drug trials to make pharmaceuticals cheaper. It will probably work. We will get cheaper prices AND run the risk of more Thalidomide babies, Fen-Phen heart attacks and Vioxx induced strokes. After Katrina, Americans saw that you can’t count on the government to save you from a disaster. But that doesn’t mean that the government needs to completely stop trying.

So we’re addicted…we’re mainlining smack and don’t have plans to get help. Instead we’ve opted to be even more reckless and stop using clean needles.

Maybe in rehab we can ask Brazil to be our sponsor…