Just…

tina


Dear Tina,

Is psychiatry bad like Tom Cruise and L. Ron Hubbard say? Please advise.

Curious in Peoria


Dear Curious,

You know who hates psychiatry more than anything? Psychiatric patients.

Think about it Curious, would you ask someone with a mouth full of rotting teeth what they think about dentistry? Would you take their opinion to heart regardless of how many books they’ve read on the subject? Nope.

Since, no one in their right mind goes to see a psychiatrist. It is easy to have reports of them being connected to the CIA, the Alien Conspiracy and fluorinated water (those and a host of other plots that an aluminum hat will take care of).

So you may want to consider the source before dismissing an entire discipline.

Besides an industry that stopped giving lobotomies 50 years ago, can’t be all bad.

Tina

Send your questions about life, love and social phenomenon to Ask Tina.

 

Douche Bags and Douche Bag

I just signed up for Branica.com web statistics. I wasn’t aware of what people were putting into search engines to find my site.

I thought I would share the top 20 with you guys.

In descending order of popularity:
stats

Apparently, if you type ‘douche bag’ into Google, after the instructional and informative sites on the subject – this blog comes up. Mother will be so proud.

 

Independence Day

skirt
That kind of looks like a giant hoop skirt. Maybe I’ve had too many mad cow hamburgers…

Happy Birthday America.

Wow, you made it to 229! Let me just tell you that you don’t look a day over 220. I mean that. You could easily pass for a much younger country. I’m impressed. You must take good care of yourself. What? Well, yeah, you’ve put on a little weight, but that happens. You look healthy. You do. No, I’m not just saying that. You’re fine. Oh, don’t get mad at me. You look good. I swear it. You do. I thought you were only 220! You’re amazing – now knock it off. Really, stop it. No, everyone doesn’t hate you…Where would you get an idea like that? They’re just jealous. They are. Now you go out and have a good time today – it’s your birthday. You deserve it. Have a couple of beers and a burger or something. Okay, you can make it light beer…

 

Summer Blockbuster

In a summer where every movie is a rehash or remake or just unremarkable. There is a really entertaining true story unfolding.

The Cast:

The anti-hero ALA Tony Soprano. A powerful, secretive and anger ridden head figure. Played by Karl Rove.
karl

The bought and paid for politician. Played by George W. Bush.
bsuh

The male prostitute turned planted patsy, played by Jeff Gannon.
jeffjeff

The investigator, played by Patrick Fitzgerald
pat

The journalism martyrs, Judith Miller and Mathew Cooper.
matandjud

The ‘deny it all’ public stump played by Robert Novak
novak.

Extras and scene dressings played by fanatical wingnuts:
nutnutty

Inspired by true events…


FADE IN:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY/NIGHT

Journalist, JUDITH MILLER sits in this dimly lit room with PATRICK FITZGERALD.

PATRICK
Turn over your sources! I have a subpoena Ms. Miller.
If you don’t comply you’re going to jail.

JUDITH
Well then, it looks like I’m going to jail -
because I’m not talking.

PATRICK
Who leaked Plame’s identity?

JUDITH
I want to be put in the federal prison
camp for women in Danbury, Connecticut.

PATRICK
Just turn over your emails.

JUDITH
Can’t do it.

PATRICK
We can protect you.

JUDITH
Protect me? Who do you think you’re going to
protect me from? You don’t know how far this goes!
How are you going to keep me safe from them?
If they can bypass the constitution what makes
you think they can’t get to me?

CUT TO:

INT. PRESS ROOM – DAY

JEFF GANNON speaks from the podium to a host of journalists and reporters snapping photos.

JEFF GANNON
The identity of CIA operative Valerie Plame
was common knowledge and therefor not an act
of treason. As a journalist from Talon News I was
privy to the same information as Robert Novak.
We at no time, thought it was classified information,
therefor no crime has been committed.

REPORTER
Mr. Gannon, why did you choose
the name Bull Dog as your male
prostitute pseudonym?

The press people SNICKER. Jeff appears agitated.

JEFF GANNON
This press conference is over.
CUT TO:

INT. OVAL OFFICE – NIGHT

This is a secret meeting between KARL ROVE and his president GEORGE BUSH.

GEORGE
We’re in for it this time, Rover ‘ol buddy.
They know about Jeff Gannon,
Downing Street, Yellow cake Uranium, Novak,
No-bid contracts. The dots are all
connecting themselves. How am
I, I mean who ever I hire, going
to write this chapter of my autobiography?

KARL
You keep saying you’re a uniter not a divider
and ‘unite’ the supreme court and none of this
will ever carry water.

GEORGE
But- but–

KARL
Trust me, George. I can handle this.

CUT TO:

MONTAGE:
a) An aerial shot of a somber pro-choice march gathering in front of the Lincoln Memorial.
a) A pro-life rally stands in front of the supreme court building and ERUPTS in CHEERS.

All the President’s Men has nothing on this drama…Stay tuned.

 

You’ve got questions…

It’s time to add to the FAQ (frequently asked questions) category.

Because here at The Sardonic Sideshow, if you ask a question once – it’s considered ‘frequent’. We’re very easy going here. (Again, it’s just me, but it sounds cooler when I say we.)

Put your questions in the comments area and I’ll post the answers.

Cheers!

 
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