Dear Tina,
Going with the theme of your most recent creation of sarcastic comedy, I find myself in a ssstr-Uhg-gle!
My problem is so severe nobody was even remotely able to help me. You’re not the first person I am writing to and I sad to say you’re probably not the last. One of my naughty habits is to write slightly insulting messages with a comedic twist to random people on the internet. In fact it is so much of a habit that I cannot stop doing it. Now. As you can imagine and as I’m sure you have experienced yourself, some people have an allergic reaction to this, comparable only with a flu, frankly they will puke all over you.
A person who meanwhile I became friends with send me a cuss-infested message including the request to get a ‘life moron’. I found it hard to follow this demand as I went to the local pet store and a walmart hoping to get some useful information. All I received was a perplexed facial expression and some confused uttering of incomprehandable noises. None of my friends have thus far been able to come up with any viable solution, therefore I set about to write people who may possibly have insight on this issue.Sincerely,
A man torn apart by an internal struggle to find a life moron.
Dear Man Torn Apart by an Internal Struggle to Find a Life Moron,
You have stumbled upon a hobby older than time. Just think of random emails as new version of cave paintings. Yes, that’s right – letter writers have been a staple in society as long as there has been society.
In a democracy, with the wide availability of fountain pens and mass produced paper – letter writing by the masses has become the bane of assistants to elected officials and entertainers everywhere. Yes, that’s right. Lets take a moment to think of all the poor assistants that have had to read all those letters.
But I digress…As I was saying, your hobby of writing messages to random people is an archetype. It is a long standing tradition brought about by the myth that the pen is mightier than the sword. If that’s not an invitation to tap out some letters – I don’t know what is. And now you know why blogging has become so popular. It’s thousands of years of angst helped along by a hundred year old technology that has peaked on this recent innovation of the web blog. The only thing that has curbed random letter writing is being able to put all your gripes on one website for public display. Think about that. What if there were no blogs? What would bloggers be doing instead? They would be ‘writing slightly insulting messages with a comedic twist to random people on the internet’ to use your words.
Moron, you have a life and don’t need to go to Wal-Mart to get it. With out you and your kind – no one would truly know if anyone was paying attention. The effort it takes (even though you seem to feel its more of a compulsion) is commendable. The fruits of your labor become dinner conversations and topics on IMs. You’re work gets forwarded and saved in inboxes. You force people to think about what they are doing and the reasons they are doing it. I will go as far as to call what you do in your spare time – an art form.
So my solution dear Moron, is not for you to quit or seek help. My solution is for you to celebrate what you bring to the table. Your role is important. Without you – all I would get through email is information on how to enlarge my penis and lower my mortgage rate.
Tina
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