Tina Dupuy

I decided to watch the President’s speech today.

The Sardonic Sideshow’s W Drinking Game:

I made myself some virgin jell-o shots. Which is basically – jell-o. Not very inventive but either are drinking games by nature.

One shot per “terrorist” or “terror”. This time out – 33 shots

If I would have chosen “freedom”, it would have only been 20 shots.

Half and hour speech – that’s pretty much a shot a minute. Most of them consumed in the first 10 minutes of the speech.

Now you know why the shots don’t come with booze? Alcohol poisoning due to public figures’ repetition is a dangerous plague on our country. Not to mention the speeches come without health care. Getting your stomach pumped on a budget sucks.

Did Bush quote Osama and say this is the Third World War? I was in a diabetic coma by that time…

Legal Threats Stalk Adult Sites

02:00 AM Jun. 15, 2004 PT
The landmark federal prosecution of an infamous porn producer is putting the fear of John Ashcroft into the owners of countless adult websites, even those whose content is far milder than the material under attack.

Experts told an audience of porn webmasters last weekend that they indeed have reason to worry. A variety of X-rated photos and videos could become illegal nationwide if the Bush administration scores an important victory in its war on obscenity. But the online adult industry is divided over exactly what to do about the threat from Attorney General Ashcroft and his crew.

First off: Ashcroft had a War on Obscenity?!? How many wars do you get in one administration? How many wars do you get to declare without the congressional approval before someone puts their foot down and says,”Bad administration, no more wars for you! You’re just going to have to discuss policy like NORMAL people instead of trying to raise funds and dander with W and the W-word.”

Anyway, regardless of what you think about pornography, and specifically porn sites, they were here first. It’s true. Before the Jesus freaks learned html. Before mommy bloggers had digital photos. Before companies had flash sites to debut a new product. Before you could check in at the airport from your hotel room. Before you could ‘google’ your ex to see if they have gotten fat. Before Merriam-Webster had a searchable data bank – there were a bunch of naked pictures of people ‘doing it’. In fact, ten years ago if you said you HAD a website – it DENOTED you were a PERVERT. You had to explain yourself, if in fact you DIDN’T operate a porn site. Dirty pictures MADE the World Wide Web – and well made it WIDER.

This is also true of other technologies. Photography was launched forward by the fact that men could see women they had never met naked. As soon as they’re were moving pictures, there were stag films. VCRs were enhanced by porn as was digital video.

Basically, if it wasn’t for the phenomenal desire of people to look at other people knocking boots, all of our technology would be stagnant. This desire apparently breeds innovation. And then it make the innovation more popular – more quickly. Porn is to technology what baking soda is to cake.

I am indifferent to porn as a past time. Personally, I think all mammals having sex look ridiculous. I could care less if it didn’t exist. HOWEVER I AM HAPPY IT DOES. I am GRATEFUL for what it has done for the invention that I enjoy so much. I’m a self-proclaimed information geek. The internet is the best thing to happen to people like me since libraries went public. I remember when major newspapers were only available in print. You had to PAY for every paper that came to your house. If you wanted to read more than one – it was pricey! Now I read more than I did back then, I have less trash to throw out and more cash to spend other ways. In fact, I’ve saved so much money on my newspaper habit that I can afford cable and TiVo – sweet. More things I use to neglect my personal relationships.

And it’s all because of pornography! Al Gore may have invented the web – but naughty photos PIONEERED it.

So the next time you’re rating movies on Netflix or getting the lyrics to that song you love or getting the translation of that Yiddish word your friends use or wasting your life on an online game or downloading an MP3 from your favorite radio show or researching PRACTICALLY anything or posting your opinions about how liberals are idiots – just remember that you are able to do that partly because of smut and obscenity.

BTW: The DOJ sans Ashcroft did have a victory. Ungrateful bastards.

Moderate Quake Shakes Southern California

How was the quake for you?

Brief, I didn’t even know what was going on, really. My dog is all freaked out. She probably needs medication. You traumatized my dog.

Dog? Hmm. I was trying to get people to not take me for granted.

Well, Earth you really let people walk all over you.

You were just WAITING to say that weren’t you?

Yes. Sorry. Can’t help it.

People should note that I can only put up with so much.

Good old Earth, you tree-hugger you! You’re all acting up to stop all the pollution – such a liberal.

Excuse me? ‘Liberal’ is the new ‘communist’!

No ‘terrorist’ is the new ‘communist’. ‘Liberal’ is the new ‘Frenchman’ or ‘leper’ depending on what circles you travel in.

*visibly irritated*

Ahem…So this little 5.3 today was a message that you can only put up with so much?

Yes. Don’t repeal any part of The Patriot Act.

What? The last time we talked you were all pro-environment – Mother Earth and Tori Amos. What happened?

Look, that was the ’90’s. I tried. But the Democrats have kind of wussed out, so it’s time to get on the winning team.

That doesn’t seem crazy to you?

Nothing we do is crazy if we’re the majority. If we have mob mentality on our side – only the dissenters are crazy. Isn’t conservatism great?

You’re political leanings are totally AGAINST you’re best interests!

That’s just a piece of liberal propaganda. That’s the spin doctored sound bite that everyone likes to say. As a humorist, I would have expected better from you.

Errr…Earth, it’s true. This administration’s record has been detrimental to you. It’s like a Wal-Mart employee putting a Bush/Cheney sticker on their 1985 Dodge Charger on their way to stand in line at the free clinic. Come on!

Look, I talked to Jesus about this. He is all for being kind to the poor and good to all people. But he’s still a Republican. You liberals see contradiction and your heads explode.

Stop calling me a liberal, Earth.

I’m a Republican – you’re either with us or against us – liberal.

Knock it off!

I can see that this is really upsetting you, but since I’m a member of the GOP now, I don’t have to wonder why. I get to just write you off. Oh, so much easier than trying to understand nuance.

I can’t believe this!

Why not? Let me explain something to you – politics is NOT about having personal convictions – Howard Dean needs to figure that one out. It’s about jumping on the most powerful bandwagon, regardless of what you believe and then being elated when your party gets it’s way. It’s a choice between the Lakers and the Clippers. Whose shirt do you want to be wearing?

I don’t like basketball.

It’s a metaphor.

I refuse to go along with this analogy. My only choice at this point, is to be difficult.

Congratulations. There’s the idea behind the filibuster. Has that worked to overturn any judicial nominees? Nope. You think you guys would have cut that out by now, the ‘pouting’ that is.

I don’t remember you being this annoying when you were a Democrat.

Whatever! In politics, you’re either a dissenter or a shaker – and I’m the ORIGINAL SHAKER baby!

*grimace*

To be continued…