Robert Blake has been acquitted!!! Barretta’s vendetta is a success-a! And ladies, he’s single!
His new project is to play the role of Scott Peterson in a made for TV movie. “It’s a role I’ve been dying to play,” said Blake.
Congress to crack down on steroid use for Major League Baseball. Stating, “We want our children’s heroes to be brought to you by Cialis, Viagra and Budweiser. Not by steroids.”
Stand up comics blogging? Awful idea. Pet blogs – now you’re talking.
Rosie O’Donnel is blogging. (site) She is doing stand up again too. Rosie is an amazing talent. Her blog brings humanity to celebrity. Check it out.
Okay, this blog is finally syndicated so all those professional bloggers (all three of you) can no longer look down on my site. You can now go to bloglines.com and get the skinny without surfing.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, your life is probably better for it.
I’ve set up The Sardonic Sideshow Tip Jar. The first person to ACTUALLY donate over $10 to this site and its humble author, gets a free t-shirt with an autographed headshot. Limited time offer.
Through out history marriage has been a sacred institution.
Liz Taylor respected the institution DOZENS of times.
Marriage is when you go in front of God and your family, with a blessing from the state and announce that you will be with your partner until death.
Gays, see what you are looking at destroying? You haven’t prepared yourself for the task. You have thousands of years of the ‘tradition of bliss’ to ruin. Do you have a proper game plan? Just picking out tasteful china patterns and eloquent color schemes isn’t enough. Court battles and voter initiatives aren’t the half of it.
If you truly want to demolish marriage; millions of married people have beaten you to it.
So like the bad teenage films say and President Bush likes to quote,”Bring it on!” (story)
A judge had a gag order on Jay Leno (story) to keep him from making any Michael Jackson jokes. Mine has been self-imposed. I’m lifting it for this post.
I know that you wanted to be like PT Barnum (info). I know that it has been a joy for you to have press leaks about oxygen tanks you sleep in, the pet monkeys you keep and the Elephant Man’s bones you want. I know that you have wanted to be ‘the greatest show on earth’.
Your ’show’ makes me want to weep for the plight of humanity. Your PAJAMA pants got more press than Monica Lewinski, Scott Peterson and Robert Blake COMBINED. Which makes your PAJAMA pants MORE annoying than Monica Lewenski, Scott Peterson and Robert Blake combined. And that’s just ONE article of your clothing!
I want my airwaves, television shows and Google News BACK. I want to NOT have to hear about what insane thing you say or do. I want SO BAD for you to no longer be an attention hoard. That’s what you are Michael Jackson, you are the world’s annoying little brother that won’t stop desperately trying to get everyone’s attention.
And for that – you are more than worthy of the Sardonic Sideshow’s Douche Bag Award.
Our first recipients:
God is NOT talking to you guys! God is not sitting around talking to opportunistic creeps about how best to polarize people to your own advantage. The voices you hear are the deafening bellow of your own GREED. If that is God’s thing, you know chit chat with folks he likes. He talks to cool people like the late Johnny Cash. Not you stumps!
Who were the first people that talked about how they live with terrorism after September 11th? The Israelis? Nope. The people working at abortion clinics had tons of experience living under constant threat. Where were these threats coming from? Muslim extremists? Nope. It was from you guys and your cronies.
For denouncing terrorism and encouraging it at the same time, for vilifying cartoons, for capitalizing on fear and other douche baggery behavior. You have been awarded The Sardonic Sideshow’s Douche Bag Award.
Check back later for more awards…
Some cities around the country have decided to make March, Caffeine Awareness Month. (site)
I’m aware of caffeine. I aware that there are billions of sites on the world wide web and without caffeine very few of them (including this one) would ever be updated.
The city will be voting for a mayor tomorrow. (story) I live in a district with less than 250 registered voters. I got a reminder of the PARKING TICKET I forgot to pay in the mail. But as far as the information on how and where I’m going to vote – NOTHING.
Welcome to Los Angeles, give us your money and fuck off.
New York has,”The Worlds Second Home.” Las Vegas has,”What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.” Here are my tourist slogans for LA:
1. Los Angeles – Hello the Name is Spanish – What the Hell Did You Expect?
2. LA, Riot Free Since 1993
3. Los Angeles, Disneyland is in Orange County…
4. LA, Where Everything is ‘World Famous’
5. Visit Los Angeles, the Rest of the Country Hates Us – Come See Why
6. Come to Los Angeles, We Smell Better than Riverside
7. LA, the City that Never Eats – and When It Does It Purges in the Restaurant Bathroom
8. Come for the Earthquakes – Stay for the Mudslides
9. Come Sell Your Soul in the City of Angels.
10. Los Angeles: Our Gangstas Can Kick Your Gangstas’ Asses!
It’s time to stop. You’ve won. It’s time to delete your blogs and go and bask in the sunshine. Enjoy your success. Take a vacation. Remove Blogger from your bookmarks and relax.
See, years ago we had a democratic president. After him we had some democratic representatives. When you ripped on ‘Liberals’ and ‘Femi-nazis’ and talked about the gay agenda it was because you HAD something to talk about. Now there is a Republican MAJORITY in the House. A Republican MAJORITY in the Senate. And last time I checked a couple of members of the GOP in the Oval Office. So when you complain about minority filibusters – you are essentially denouncing a two party system. When you complain about the Democrats, now you’re just picking on the loser.
everyday, 2005
I’m the Voice of the Right Wing
Those liberals don’t have any power in the government and look how stupid they are! LOL! Ann Coulter is HOT!
Okay already. You guys are DONE!
You are like a boxer that after a knock out kicks their opponent – just because they feel like it.
You are like smug Carpet Baggers after the Civil War.
You are the San Francisco 49ers in the 90’s – are you people TIRED of winning all the time?
Right Wing Bloggers here’s what you need to realize – you’re in a saturated market. See there’s Fox News, that’s a 24-hour infomercial for the GOP. What are you going to do ‘ditto’ their witch hunts? What are YOU guys going to do to Dan Rather and Ward Churchill that they haven’t done to them already? What are you going to do – talk about how Hollywood is ‘out of touch’ with American ‘values’? Are you going to slander the AARP? Boycott Sponge Bob? Talk about how well the war in Iraq is going? Hello – your topics are already threadbare by the time you get to them!
If you are a Right Wing Blogger and you are NOT getting money from the Bush Administration for your views, you should really consider how you spend your time. You could be keeping a flower journal. You could blog about your cat. There are MANY hobbies one can acquire on the internet these days. If you hurry, you can still look at porn – for example.
I just want to help you not waste your time.
Thanks, and God bless America.
I hate monkeys. I hate them. I don’t go places where they have monkeys. I don’t go to zoos. I avoid the 3rd Street Promenade where the street performers have monkeys. I hate monkeys. If I’m watching a nature program where they show pictures of monkeys, I change the channel. I hate monkeys.
Some people are afraid of spiders. Some people are afraid of heights. Some people are deathly afraid of public speaking. Not me. I have no fears of those things. I can do stand up comedy on a cliff with a spider in my hand and be just fine. I fear monkeys. Creepy, rabies carrying, biting scary little monkeys.
Some of you smart-ass biology minded people will undoubtedly wonder,”Are you talking about chimpanzees and gorillas?”
YES. All of them. I don’t like any of them. Ugh.
People that are afraid of flying feel JUSTIFIED in their phobia when they see a story of a plane crash. I read this story.
The chimps chewed off St. James Davis’ nose and severely mauled his genitals and limbs Thursday before the son-in-law of the sanctuary’s owner shot the animals to death, authorities said.
And now I am more than comfortable with my neurotic aversions!
Dear Martha Stewart,
You went to jail for a half million dollar crime. I know that you probably have understated yet elegant PENCIL SHARPENER worth more. But no went to jail. There has been a rash of white collar crime with a disproportionate amount of jail time. But no – YOU went to jail.
You voluntarily started your 5-month sentence early to, “Get this whole nightmare behind you.” Martha, if I was you, I would have thrown a tantrum . I would have held press conferences to denounce how unfairly powerful women are treated by the courts. I would have gotten petitions signed. I would have lobbied congress. And finally, if I didn’t muster enough public outrage for my predicament – I would have fled to Paraguay. I haven’t done all the research yet but I know that some countries don’t have extradition laws. You didn’t even considered that did you?
Simply put, Ms. Stewart – you are making all of us whining, sniveling complainers look bad. How dare you even do JAIL tastefully?!? You get released, sip your first latte and your stock doubles and you get a new TV show. You have made a fortune making us look like an unthoughtful slobs and now you’re going to raise your quaint decorative bar even higher?
Martha what is wrong with you? Don’t you know the American public was captivated – hoping to watch your fall from grace? You won’t even give us that satisfaction will you? No you have to go on and keep your dignity and make the rest of us feel like JERKS for hating you in the first place.
Even when you lose in court, you STILL win at ‘living’.
Okay, I set it up so you can actually vote in the Tina T-Shirt contest!
Click HERE.
So it’s not a marquee.
